Monthly Archives: February 2019

Episode 222: Dry Bar Comedy Tour!

The comedians from the Dry Bar Comedy Tour join Captain Brien! They discuss how the Dry Bar Comedy Tour started, how to make viral videos, and what it’s like being a “clean” comic!

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Watch Full Video —————>

Funny jokes and notes from a day and the life Off the hook Comedy Club. Off the hook comedy club post on twitter daily follow us #captainslog for the latest info.

The captain’s log is officially sponsored by Captain Brien Spirits maker of Captain Brien Sugar Free Vodka and Barrel Aged Dark Rum both are gluten free also!

Check out the comedians from the Dry Bar Comedy Tour and show them some love at:

Episode 221 The Captain’s Log with Dr. Daller & Captain Brien!

Dr. Daller is back again with Captain Brien to tell us all about the benefits of drinking Apple Cider Vinegar!

Dr. Daller will be joining Captain Brien EVERY Tuesday at 2:30 on the Captains Log to answer any questions you may have! Make sure you tune in and comment with your questions!

Siri can now help you listen to your favorite podcasts! Say things like “play The Captains Log” or “play my newest podcasts.” You can also ask Siri about the podcast that is currently playing and request to be subscribed! Just tell Siri “subscribe to this show!”

Watch Full Video —————>

Funny jokes and notes from a day and the life Off the hook Comedy Club. Off the hook comedy club post on twitter daily follow us #captainslog for the latest info.

The captain’s log is officially sponsored by Captain Brien Spirits maker of Captain Brien Sugar Free Vodka and Barrel Aged Dark Rum both are gluten free also!

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Miss something on one of our episodes of the #naplescaptainslog? Don’t worry we got you covered! Here you will find a full transcript from this episode of the #naplescaptainslog!

Captain Brien: Welcome back to Captain’s Log, Dr. Doller again, again.

Dr. Daller: Captain, how you doin’, buddy?

Captain Brien: Every Tuesday.

Dr. Daller: Loving it.

Captain Brien: I wanna learn about the health benefits of apple cider vinegar. This is a big thing, right, it’s a big topic.

Dr. Daller: It’s huge. So, apple cider vinegar, if you Google apple cider vinegar, you’re going to see tens of thousands of inputs from different people, from scientists. You know, apple cider vinegar, Captain Brien, has been around for 3500 years. This is not something that was just invented. And there’s not too much scientific evidence because it’s cheap, you know, a bottle of apple cider vinegar, even if you buy it–

Captain Brien: But is it a fad?

Dr. Daller: No, it’s not a fad. Again, it cannot be a fad for 3500 years. A fad is something that has been around for, you know, six months, in six months gonna go away. This has been around from Roman times, from Biblical time.

Captain Brien: And you told me, I keep interrupting, but you told me about the mothers, it’s gotta be the one with the mothers, yes?

Dr. Daller: That’s the one I use, because I believe in organic, I believe in unpasteurized, I believe that it’s not filtered, so the one with the mother, it’s, again, it’s unfiltered, it has, what’s the mother? The mother is all the remnants. The mother is what you call, you heard about probiotics? There is something called prebiotics. Probiotics are the microbes that you’re going to ingest every morning that you’re going to take. They are found in yogurt and other things. Prebiotics is what this microbe needs to grow, so that mother, that stuff, it’s like, just think about like a Petri dish to grow those microbes in your gut. So, and again, I like the fact that it’s unfiltered as well. So, I spend another dollar. It’s overall cheap, four bucks, you guy it and it lasts you for a year. You don’t need to refrigerate apple cider vinegar, and it’s fantastic. Again, the test of time is probably the best test in life, the best test in medicine for sure, because, for example, if I have a lesion on my arm here and I go to the dermatologist and he tells me, hey Doc, you know, I want to remove it, this doesn’t look like. I said, buddy, I had it for 30 years this has been around, so the fact that it had been around for 30 years, most likely it’s not deadly.

Captain Brien: You’re gonna make it.

Dr. Daller: I’m going to make it. So, the same with apple cider vinegar. The fact that it has been treated with patients, after patients, after patients, and people believe in that, and it’s working. So, there is some science behind this. There’s Japanese scientists, there’s American scientists that have done apple cider vinegar. So, today we’ll talk a little bit about the science, and we’ll talk about how to take it. Let’s start by how to take apple cider vinegar. What do I do? I do, and again, that’s what I like about your podcast. The podcast gives the tools to people to live healthy, the tools for people to laugh, the tools for people to enjoy life, because, after all, this is a short business, it’s all temporary business.

Captain Brien: That’s right, it’s 100 years or less expiration date.

Dr. Daller: 100 years, from your mouth to God’s ears, please. 100 years, I mean, we would love 100 years. That would be fantastic. But you give them the tools, Captain Brien, to really enjoy life, to have a healthy life, to see less doctors. It’s bad for my business, but overall, it’s good when I see patients that are healthy, they are in good shape, and everything else. So, what do I do? I take a six to eight ounce glass of water, I put a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar. I use Bragg’s brand, but it can be any brand, and I mix it, and I drink it in the morning.

Captain Brien: Straight?

Dr. Daller: Straight.

Captain Brien: Do you put ice water or water?

Dr. Daller: Just, I put cold water, but no, not right out of the tap. So, it’s refrigerated water, just because it’s easier for me to drink it.

Captain Brien: Do you shoot it in one shot, because I did it for about a week, and I don’t know if it helped or not, but for some reason, I just got sidetracked and forgot about it, and now I look at the damn apple cider vinegar every day on my counter and I say, why am I not doing it?

Dr. Daller: And what happened to you happens to everybody. Everybody is very good for one week. They’re very good for one week going to the gym, they’re very good about eating healthy, you know, fruits and vegetables for one week, and then they fall off the wagon. So, the key here is getting to be persistent. You cannot see results if you do something for a week. You have to be persistent, and it’s sustainable, it’s easy. So, because the last episode, we talked about, you know, the intermittent fasting, because I intermittent fast, and I don’t have breakfast, so, what I do, I do it in the morning and I do it at night before I go to bed, and that does suppress my appetite, and that’s something really, really important. So, apple cider vinegar will make you feel like you’re full, make you feel like what we call satiety. You feel like, you know, I’m not that hungry, and so–

Captain Brien: What if you take it on an empty stomach? You don’t feel like it’s gonna go right out?

Dr. Daller: No, not at all.

Captain Brien: I think maybe you’re a pro.

Dr. Daller: I’m like a professional.

Captain Brien: Your stomach’s like a vise.

Dr. Daller: Not at all, it’s very good. Your stomach acidity is about two, so apple cider vinegar, the acidity of apple cider vinegar is 2.5, the pH. So just think about, the lower the pH, the more acidic things are. Your car battery, the acidity of a car battery is one, so the acidity in your stomach, your stomach is quite acidic, and apple cider vinegar, counterintuitively, apple cider vinegar for patients that have what you call gerd or reflux disease, it does help them. The acidity does help to solve that–

Captain Brien: So when they say, what about this thing that they say, everyone wants to drink alkaline water? Oh, I gotta have alkaline water, a specialty.

Dr. Daller:Right, so, there’s no science behind that, and I do hear that.

Captain Brien: It’s a bunch of bull?

Captain Brien: No, I didn’t say that. So, there is a difference between there is no science behind it and it’s a bunch of bull. So, there’s science behind stuff, it’s something that was researched, something that, you know–

Captain Brien: Clinically proven.

Dr. Daller: Clinically proven. A bunch of bull is saying, you know what, it’s clinically proven that it’s bull, you understand? So, you have to do the research to find that it’s bull. Some patients say, you know what, I benefit from alkaline water. I say, you know what, if you’re benefiting, do it. I don’t see any harm.

Captain Brien: I had somebody telling me that they have to drink alkaline water ’cause they’re on a special diet.

Dr. Daller: Again, I don’t know–

Captain Brien: Is there such a thing?

Dr. Daller: So, there is no diet–

Captain Brien: I think they just needed to drink their own water at the club.

Dr. Daller: And you know what, they spend another dollar, you buy it–

Captain Brien: Yeah, they just didn’t wanna spend $3 on a bottle of water.

Captain Brien: So right, they wanted to have their own water.

Dr. Daller: Correct.

Dr. Daller: And people do that at the airports, and do that in the hotel, and they say, oh, I want kosher water. What is kosher water? Every water’s kosher, you know? I want certain things, or I’m allergic to this.

Captain Brien: Onions, I’m allergic to onions.

Dr. Daller: I want to bring my own food to the restaurant. I mean, that’s a trick we did in college, but right now, we can’t do that anymore. It’s not cool, it’s not cool, right, to do that. So, let’s go back to apple cider vinegar. So, apple cider vinegar will make you feel like you are full. So, as a result of that, so, studies show that you are going to take 300 calories less a day if you take apple cider vinegar.

Captain Brien: Really?

Dr. Daller: So, just by that, it’s not a lot, just think, but it’s something, it adds up.

Captain Brien: It’s something.

Dr. Daller: It adds up. So, that’s why one–

Captain Brien: That’s 2100 calories a week.

Dr. Daller: Correct, so that’s why one week is not enough, so if you do it over here, you feel like, wow, I already ate less. Okay, so that’s one thing. The second thing is, it’s going to improve your metabolism, your overall metabolism is going to increase. By how much, we don’t know because, again, there is no research about it.

Captain Brien: Why has nobody tested this?

Dr. Daller: Because, I’ll tell you why, because there is no money here.

Captain Brien: Randy, how come no one’s tested it? Len, get out there, start testing it. Daniel, hey guys. They’re not watching.

Dr. Daller: Again, a bottle of apple cider vinegar is five bucks. This is not Big Pharma, there’s no Merck and Pfizer behind this, so there’s no money.

Captain Brien: Right, so Greg could get out there and do some damn clinical tests!

Dr. Daller: But even if they do–

Captain Brien: Then make all the money.

Dr. Daller: They will still sell it for five bucks a bottle, and that bottle lasts for a year, so it’s no, there is no huge business here. It’s not like a bottle of wine, you know, you sell for 20 bucks, you drink it that night. You cannot drink an apple cider vinegar, the whole bottle, one night. I mean, that would be a disaster if you do that, so that’s not good. So that’s why, there’s no money involved here, and as a result of that, I mean, people are not doing research. Also, the industries supported by pharmaceutical companies, they want money, they’re in the money business. And, you know, Captain Brien and I, we give you information as they are. I mean, there’s no, this is uncensored–

Captain Brien: Yeah, they’re not sponsoring this podcast.

Dr. Daller: No, they are not sponsoring.

Captain Brien: Although we are available.

Dr. Daller: If they want to call us, you know, we are willing to negotiate something with them. But, again, so it’s going to improve your metabolism, it’s going to increase your feeling full, it’s going to help you with calcium absorption. That’s very important for patients that have osteopetrosis, and if you want not to develop osteopetrosis, it’s going to help with calcium absorption in your body, but most importantly, for patients with type II diabetes, or patients with what we call pre-diabetes, patients that you know are going to develop diabetes, they have already some of the signs, they have certain levels of AIC that is going up, and things like that, certain labs that are abnormal. That’s going to help you with insulin regulation. So, and there are several studies about apple cider vinegar helping with the insulin receptor for the sugar.

Captain Brien: So, what happens if you just take a spoonful, ’cause some people do it that way, right? They don’t water it down.

Dr. Daller: Nothing wrong with that. I like watering it down because I want to protect my teeth, and I think that it’s very harsh on the enamel.

Captain Brien: Oh.

Dr. Daller: So, I don’t want to take it as a, but you can put it in your salad, mix it in your salad like this, so you don’t have it all at once.

Captain Brien: So, if you drink it through a straw?

Dr. Daller: Captain Brien always thinks about, you know, he’s so innovative. And you can do that, but again, I like it diluted because it’s nice on my esophagus also. The esophagus is the tube that goes all the way to the stomach. I don’t want to be too harsh on that. When it reaches the stomach, the environment there is such that it’s no big deal.

Captain Brien: And do you shoot it in one shot or do you drink it slow? Does it matter?

Dr. Daller: It doesn’t matter. It takes me two gulps to finish it completely. And you know, I cannot tell you, wow, it’s delicious. It’s not delicious.

Captain Brien: It’s not delicious.

Dr. Daller: It doesn’t taste great, but you know what, and I cannot tell you it’s acquired because I have been doing this for a while and I’ve not acquired it yet.

Captain Brien: Right, exactly. Yeah, after the week long torture I still did it, but it was not pleasantly exciting.

Dr. Daller: So, one more item that is very, very important about apple cider vinegar, before we go to esoteric things of apple cider vinegar. So, when you are taking apple cider vinegar, and let’s say you have half a bagel with that, so you have apple cider vinegar, and then you take half a bagel, and the bagel with the starch and all the stuff that’s in bagels, or you take whatever starchy food, so apple cider vinegar will prevent the enzymes that are in your stomach to digest starch, and that’s very good.

Captain Brien: So does that mean it comes out quicker?

Dr. Daller: No, it will come out as is without being digested, and that’s what we like. Why do we like cauliflower and stuff like that? Because your body, it’s very difficult for you to digest.

Captain Brien: Kale.

Dr. Daller: Kale, right, all these vegetables are difficult to digest. As a result, they come out, all the fibers. Here, with starch, the enzymes that digest starch, the apple cider vinegar is going to inhibit those enzymes. As a result of that, you’re not going to digest the starch, and it’s going to come out, and you’re not going to absorb the starch. Now, Captain Brien, I know what you’re going to do. Right now, you’re going to buy a dozen bagels and a little bit of apple cider vinegar and have them. That won’t work. Why is that? Because it’s true in the stomach it’s not going to digest it, but if you have a huge load of starch, that will go to the stomach–

Captain Brien: Get absorbed.

Dr. Daller: No, it’s going to go into your small intestine, and in your small intestine and in your colon, you’re going to have, that’s going to be fermented. All the starch is going to be fermented, and then you’re going to have absorption of that, and you’re going to get that sugar high, which is not good. So don’t buy the dozen bagels.

Captain Brien: Yeah, don’t do that. Just in moderation, it’s not the cure from it all. It’s not like if you take a spoonful of apple cider vinegar, you can go out and eat prime rib every night. It’s just gonna help a little bit.

Dr. Daller: That’s correct.

Captain Brien: But it’s got great benefits, positive benefits. And Randy wants to know, what is the mothers? We started this conversation where Dr. Daller did explain what the mother is, but go ahead and quickly tell him.

Dr. Daller: So, the mother is all the remnants, all the things that are what I call prebiotics. Not probiotics, prebiotics. These are the things that you need for things to ferment. So, these are what you call, in a non-medical term, schmutz. The schmutz is all the dirt, and that dirt is very important.

Dr. Daller: That’s what grows the enzymes, correct?

Dr. Daller: That’s correct, that’s where everything can grow. The probiotics grows on prebiotics, so that’s important. So, Captain Brien is absolutely right. Apple cider vinegar by itself, if you go and have donuts right now and have apple cider, it will never work. It works if you listen to Captain Brien’s podcast, and you listen to us every Tuesday, and you’re going to do intermittent fasting, and you’re going to eat healthy, and you’re going to take care of yourself, and you’re going to exercise, and you’re going to do yoga, and you’re going to meditate, and you’re not going to watch the news, and you’re going to go to the comedy club, and you’re going to laugh, and you’re going to laugh because laughter–

Captain Brien: When you drink vodka and alcohol it better be sugar-free, gluten-free.

Dr. Daller: Captain Brien, and then on Sundays, you have the good bloody Mary because the vegetables, and the fruits, and everything else here, so absolutely, enjoy life to the fullest, absolutely. We are not discouraging people from enjoying life. We encourage people to enjoy life, very, very important. But again, organic food is important, and healthy food is important, and fruit and vegetables are important. These are all important elements that, all together, they’re going to help your life and prevent you from seeing me or seeing any doctor.

Captain Brien: So, I had a question someone DMed me on the intermittent fasting that we did last week. So, the person was questioning that, if they don’t make it for 16 hours, which is the optimum time, what if they only fast for 11 hours? Is there still a positive benefit from that, where they were hungry, and then they broke the hunger after 11 hours, and they didn’t get into 12, to 16 hours. Is it still okay for them, or is just not doing anything good for them?

Dr. Daller: No, no, it’s better than nothing, it’s better than nothing. So, ideally they’re going to go for 16 hours slowly. But if they can only do 10 hours, which is two hours after they sleep for seven, eight hours, and then two extra hours they don’t right away and immediately, oh, I need my, whatever they eat, McDonald’s, McMuffins, one of these McMuffins right away. What do you have at McDonald’s?

Captain Brien: I guess it could be a McMuffin. I don’t eat McDonald’s.

Dr. Daller: McMuffin, or one of these McMorning sandwiches.

Captain Brien: But I do like Dunkin Donuts, that’s my favorite.

Dr. Daller: Sure, so if they don’t do it right away, that helps. But again, if you want to have the best benefits, the longer you are fasting, the better off it is for your brain, the better off it is for your body, the better off it is to lose that belly fat.

Captain Brien: So, if they did 12 hours, that’s great, it’s still positive benefit.

Dr. Daller: Yes.

Captain Brien: Okay, so that’s the answer to that one. Hi, Cindy, I have people messaging me. What’s going on? Hey, Heidi, how are you? We’re live on The Captain’s Log, this is the podcast. You guys can always download the podcast on Stitcher, iTunes, SoundCloud, we’re on Spotify, you could go to Google apps and download it on your favorite podcast app. Anyway, we’re also on YouTube, so don’t forget, if you like it, share it, tell your friends, and say hello. You can always DM questions to myself or Dr. Daller. You can find us both on Facebook and Instagram, or even Twitter, and say hello.

Dr. Daller: Let’s see, what else? Some esoteric things about apple cider vinegar. So, being a captain, you are in the sea, you’re swimming, and all of a sudden, a jellyfish stung you. The best cure for jellyfish stinging is?

Captain Brien: Yeah, an acid.

Dr. Daller: Acid, correct, so apple cider vinegar.

Captain Brien: Or you could pee on it.

Dr. Daller: Or you can pee on it, right.

Captain Brien: Because your pee is acidic, but not as much.

Dr. Daller: Correct, not as much, not as acidic. Your pH in your urine is between five and a half and seven, six and a half, so it’s acidic, but not very acidic. But apple cider vinegar, if you have apple cider vinegar, absolutely, it will help the stinging.

Captain Brien: If you take a lot of apple cider vinegar, will it make your pee more acidic?

Dr. Daller: It would, so it will change your pH, but again, with apple cider vinegar, more is not better, so I really encourage people to do it not more than three, I do it twice a day, but no more than three times a day, because–

Captain Brien: So, in the morning.

Dr. Daller: In the morning, you can do it just before lunch. For example, if you really want to lose weight, just before, maybe 10, 15 minutes before lunch, have another glass of apple cider vinegar, you are going to, again, you are not going to feel like you want to eat anything.

Captain Brien: Especially after you taste it.

Dr. Daller: After you taste it, you will feel like you want to puke. But no, it’s not that bad, really. For those who didn’t try it, some people put a little bit of lemon, some people put honey. I don’t like to put honey on it because I don’t need that extra sugar, extra calories there, but I take it straight with water.

Captain Brien: I’m gonna try the Bragg’s, they have a, they have one that already has the honey and lemon. Has anyone tried that, have you tried it?

Dr. Daller: No, I never tried it, you know–

Captain Brien: Does that kill the effects of the live probiotic, or no?

Dr. Daller: No, it does not. No, apple cider vinegar, if you look, there is no expiration date on apple cider vinegar.

Captain Brien: But even when you mix it with, like, lemon?

Dr. Daller: When you mix it with honey and stuff like that, I’m sure there is. I mean, honey is a, is problematic. But when you look at apple cider vinegar, apple cider vinegar can live with no refrigerator for thousands of years. You know, when you find wine from 1000 years ago, it’s vinegar essentially. So, you know, apple cider vinegar does not expire. It doesn’t go bad at all.

Captain Brien: So, overall, you’re a big fan, you suggest that everyone does it.

Dr. Daller: I’m a big fan of overall healthy living, so I’m not a big fan of one thing, I’m a big fan of many, many things. I don’t believe in one thing, I believe in–

Captain Brien: You like a combination.

Dr. Daller: Right, you do have to go to the gym, and you do have to exercise, and you do have to meditate, and you do have to do a little bit of yoga, and you do have to eat responsibly and healthy in small portions, and you do have to laugh and enjoy life, and you have to, you know, celebrate every day. And you know, I do believe in thanking God every single morning. I thank God for everything that I have, I thank God for my health, I thank God for being alive. Extremely important.

Captain Brien: What’s Bragg’s amino acid they sell good for?

Dr. Daller: Yeah, so amino acids, so, the apple cider vinegar really does not have any nutritional factor. For example, if you look at apple cider vinegar, the back, there is no amino acids there, there’s nothing there. Apple cider vinegar is really, in a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar, there are only three calories. It’s nothing. It does count as anything, and it doesn’t have any vitamins or anything like that. I did see in the supermarket the Bragg’s amino acid. I’m not a big fan.

Captain Brien: No, just stick with the natural?

Dr. Daller: Keep it simple, you know, you want amino acid, a very good source of amino acids are proteins, okay? So that’s how you can get your amino acid, get your proteins. What are proteins? Proteins are a bunch of amino acids together.

Captain Brien: So, how much water have you drank since the last time we talked to you? We’re gonna try to drink more.

Dr. Daller: So I have been. So, I’ve been very good. So, what I’m doing now, I bring from home a big jug of 800 CCs, 800 mLs of water, and I put mint, like yesterday, I put some fresh mint in it and a tangerine, and I drink four or five of these every day. So, I bring it to the office and then I fill them up, fill them up, fill them up. And because, you know, for some reason, if it’s a bottle of water, I feel like, wow, I drank a bottle, and a bottle of water is 500 CCs, it’s nothing.

– Nothing, you gotta drink more. You’ve been doing good.

Dr. Daller: I’ve been doing very good.

Captain Brien: I have my Yeti, my 22 ounce Yeti, I’ve been trying to drink that all day, keep filling it up.

Dr. Daller: Love it. But not all day, multiple times. Fill it up, fill it up, fill it up.

Captain Brien: Just keep drinking and filling.

Dr. Daller: Fill it all the time, yep.

Captain Brien: And then I run to the bathroom too.

Dr. Daller: Absolutely.

Captain Brien: I noticed that, since I drank more, obviously I’m going to the bathroom more. You know, I would only go to the bathroom two times a day, until the bedtime would be the third time. Now I’m going three, four times during the day. That’s good, right?

Dr. Daller: How much do you weight, Captain?

Captain Brien: I weigh 176 pounds.

Dr. Daller: That’s wonderful.

Captain Brien: That’s good?

Dr. Daller: Yeah, that’s good, I mean–

Captain Brien: I wanna get down to 171.

Dr. Daller: So do it, try it. Easy, for you it’s nothing.

Captain Brien: Yeah, I know.

Dr. Daller: For you it’s nothing.

Captain Brien: Oh my god, this guy’s in a rush. The light just turned green half a second ago.

Dr. Daller: It’s like, you see, they don’t listen to your podcast. They need to listen to the podcast.

Captain Brien: Apparently he has no idea about The Captain’s Log.

Dr. Daller: About living life, not being pissed off all the time. Being pissed off is not healthy.

Captain Brien: Not at all. So yeah, what about plans for the week? Let’s wrap it up. What are you doing?

Dr. Daller: That said, you know, we went fishing outside.

Captain Brien: Oh, when you caught the cobia.

Dr. Daller: We caught the cobia.

Captain Brien: You took a great picture, I loved it.

Dr. Daller: Great fish, delicious, and this weekend, nothing spectacular. You know, kid stuff, you know, the usual activities that we do, but nothing is planned.

Captain Brien: Jen Lee says, “Hey Brien, so happy I tuned in. “Been doing research already with apple cider vinegar. “Can I mix it with water that I flavored “since it doesn’t taste good?”

Dr. Daller: Yeah, you can, you can, you definitely can.

Captain Brien: What flavor are you gonna pick with the vinegar, though?

Dr. Daller: You know–

Captain Brien: I’m pretty good in the kitchen, but I don’t know.

Dr. Daller: I would pick something around the sweeter side of flavors. You know, a fruit that is sweeter, you know, like a peach or something like that. But you know, I don’t know.

Captain Brien: Maybe a little basil with the peach, a little peach basil.

Dr. Daller: There you go, there you go.

Captain Brien: It’s a new business, coming out with a new business.

Dr. Daller: Thinking about it all the time, I love it, I love it.

Captain Brien: All right, well, guys, you don’t wanna miss this week. We have so many great guests coming your way. Dr. Daller’s with me every Tuesday. DM your questions to us, we’ll answer ’em, we’ll answer ’em live on the air or we’ll respond right then and there, whatever you want, we’re happy to do that for you. Thank you for watching. But tomorrow we’re gonna be live again, Gary Owen, he’s coming back. And then Thursday, we have Richy Lala, and then Friday, I got another big one, Cindy Kaza, she’s the medium.

Dr. Daller: Wow, I love her. Oh, she’s the best. She is amazing. I mean, you know, she, when we were in the radio station, she brought my parents back, and that was–

Captain Brien: She brought my grandmother, yeah.

Dr. Daller: I have goosebumps just thinking about it.

Captain Brien:My grandma and my grandpa back. She knew everything right away.

Dr. Daller: She is, she is the real deal. She is amazing, she is pretty, she is beautiful, she is smart, she is everything you want.

Captain Brien: We should find out if she drinks apple cider vinegar.

Dr. Daller: Absolutely, or vodka, for that matter.

Captain Brien: Thanks for tuning in, guys. We’re out!

Episode 220 The Captain’s Log with Kristina Montouri and Captain Brien!

Let us introduce you to the very funny Kristina Montouri! Talk about her life in Naples and what to expect from her comedy!

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Funny jokes and notes from a day and the life Off the hook Comedy Club. Off the hook comedy club post on twitter daily follow us #captainslog for the latest info.

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Miss something on one of our episodes of the #naplescaptainslog? Don’t worry we got you covered! Here you will find a full transcript from this episode of the #naplescaptainslog!

Captain Brien: Hey guys, we’re back on the Captain’s Log with Kristina Montuori.

Kristina Montouri: Hey.

Captain Brien: How are you, comedian extraordinaire?

Kristina Montouri I’m great, I’m really excited to actually be meeting you in person. I feel like I already know you from all of the Captain’s Logs I watch.

Captain Brien: Have you been watching?

Kristina Montouri Yeah.

Captain Brien: Oh come on, I’ve gotta give you a test then.

Kristina Montouri: You’re so entertaining.

Captain Brien: What’s your favorite?

Kristina Montouri: Oh, I haven’t watched all of them, you know what I mean? Oh man, oh gosh, what’s his name?

Captain Brien: You should put your seat belt on do you have it on?

Kristina Montouri: It’s on. It’s, on, it’s on.

Captain Brien: Oh okay, don’t scare me.

Kristina Montouri: I’m livin’ on the edge with it behind me but I’ll put it right here.

Captain Brien: Everyone will complain, they’ll start messaging us.

Kristina Montouri: I’ll put it here.

Captain Brien: She doesn’t have her seatbelt on. You’re driving dangerous.

Kristina Montouri: That’s alright, I got it. Safety first.

Captain Brien: You’re good, you’re good.

Kristina Montouri: I got it, safety first.

Captain Brien: You’re just tryin to show off.

Kristina Montouri: Pretty much.

Captain Brien: My chef is letting me go. Hey, Chef Gisson, hey. So, how long you been doing comedy?

Kristina Montouri: I’ve been doing comedy for a couple of years performing comedy, but I’ve been writing comedy since forever. I used to be a weather lady, in that the jokes just write themselves, you know.

Captain Brien: So where were you a weather lady?

Kristina Montouri: In Shreveport, Louisiana first. And then Roanoke, Virginia, which is my hometown.

Captain Brien: And what brought you to this area?

Kristina Montouri: This area. So when I was 15, I came with my family to Naples. We had a Groupon for La Playa, actually.

Captain Brien: Really?

Kristina Montouri: And then yeah. And then my dad was always real big into real estate interstate, real estate. So got a couple of spots in Naples Park, we just came back for vacationing and then just this year I decided to fully embrace the nomad lifestyle and just go where the wind blows. Wherever I feel like I wanna be.

Kristina Montouri: So right now I’m right here.

Captain Brien: And you kinda spend the winters right now you’re gonna be like the youngest snow bird ever.

Kristina Montouri: Pretty much. And I’m not exactly a snow bird, I’m going with nomad, because I was just in Atlanta a couple weeks ago. Probably go back, I have a couple shows in Roanoke, Virginia.

Captain Brien: So you’re kind on a road comic.

Kristina Montouri: In a way, yeah.

Captain Brien: That’s the move.

Kristina Montouri: It’s not a set schedule, I kind of just go, I meet people, such as yourself, get shows, have some fun, when it gets dull, move on to the next spot.

Captain Brien: So you are an aspiring full-time, you wanna be a comic on tour, tell me what the struggles are.

Kristina Montouri: The struggles.

Captain Brien: I can tell you how to help. I can help you.

Kristina Montouri: Okay. Right now I’m having so much fun I haven’t really ran into too many struggles other than my own.

Captain Brien: But the big paid gigs obviously are not happening yet. I mean we have a big show coming up March 2nd at Off The Hook and there’s gonna be a bunch of comics, it’s a showcase show, that’d be great. But I mean, you’re not selling out theaters.

Kristina Montouri: Right, right, right. I also haven’t really invested as much time as I probably should’ve to selling out theaters because I’m having too much fun layin around on the beach.

Captain Brien: Is that the thing?

Kristina Montouri: But here’s the thing. I’ve been kind of goin with what feels right, what feels good in the moment, havin fun with my life because I’d spent too much time just doin what everybody else wanted me to do. But it actually put me in the perfect spot cause I don’t know if you remember, about a year ago came down for your Open Mic Competition, right? So I was down here for that. And I was on the beach, just hangin out, I was writing comedy.

Captain Brien: Say hi to Laura. Hey

Kristina Montouri: Hello Laura.

Captain Brien: Hey Bruce, what’s goin on guys, how are ya? Thanks for watchin.

Kristina Montouri: I love it when people tune in.

Captain Brien: Yeah they say hi.

Kristina Montouri: Yeah, hey guys.

Captain Brien: So you were on the beach.

Kristina Montouri: Yeah I was on the beach, just writing, I had I think the caption was zen out. That’s kind of a play on that very ancient quote rock out with your cock out. I think Blondie said that.

Captain Brien: That’s true.

Kristina Montouri: So yeah zen out with my pen out and you saw that, it was on Instagram and you just commented on it. Hey if you’re in town, I’ve got a guest spot tonight, and it was an hour later.

Captain Brien: That’s cool. How did that even happen?

Kristina Montouri: It was the weirdest thing, it was the like the right spot at the right time and I was thinking I’m all sandy, I’ve been at the beach all day. I can’t be at a show in an hour, there’s no way but I’m like you know what, I gotta make it happen. I ran to the beach, so I had to run back, I’m all sweaty, I’m like alright, I gotta be there in 15 minutes, it takes about 15 minutes to get there.

Captain Brien: I didn’t know any of this. You were very quiet about this.

Kristina Montouri: I was actin like it was all chill. And I’m like okay, I have 30 minutes to get there, it takes about 15 minutes to get there, I’m gonna call an Uber so I can get ready in the car. So I get all my stuff, I’m in the car, the window’s down, I’m drying my hair. I didn’t even wash my hair it’s still wet from the beach. I’m drying my hair out the window, gonna get there, I rush in, I’m like I’ll be able to throw some makeup on or look kinda decent when I get in there. I’ll go to the bathroom, chill out. But I get there and Stacey Steele is hosting, meet her, she’s amazing.

Captain Brien: She’s great.

Kristina Montouri: She’s a friend of mine now. So that’s why all this just worked out by itself. She’s like you’re up in five minutes. I’m like, excuse me, what?

Captain Brien: Wait, so I guess I didn’t even know. So how much time did you have at the time?

Kristina Montouri: She gave me I believe ten minutes.

Captain Brien: Ten minutes. But how much material did you have? Did I ask you that?

Kristina Montouri: Did you ask how much material?

Captain Brien: Did I ask you oh are you okay with doin five or ten or something? No I can’t take that call. Sorry guys. I needed to take that call, that was my attorney, but I can’t take it. Alright, so you had how much material?

Kristina Montouri: I have hours of material.

Captain Brien: At the time?

Kristina Montouri: Yeah.

Captain Brien: Everyone says they have hours of material but they really don’t. How much funny material? I could talk for hours too. But how much funny material did you think you had?

Kristina Montouri: At the time, maybe an hour.

Captain Brien: Okay. But you still weren’t headlining. You headline some gigs now, yes?

Kristina Montouri: Yes. I also produce some of my own shows in Roanoke, Virginia. We had one sell out show. It was over 200 people, really fun time.

Captain Brien: Very cool.

Kristina Montouri: Yeah we brought in traveling comedian, his name’s Cliff Cash, really good. Yeah, follow Cliff Cash. He’s an awesome comedian. But he came out to our show to headline. Kinda co-headline.

Captain Brien: Nice. So the future of comedy for you is going to be what?

Kristina Montouri: The future for comedy for me is going to be – it’s hard to say because I’m telling you now, I’m just doing what I wanna do in the moment and seeing where that takes me. Not making any plans. The only plan is to live in the moment.

Captain Brien: She’s independently wealthy, and she doesn’t have to work. Can we get married? Let’s do that now.

Kristina Montouri: I’m a bougie bum. I’m a bougie bum, I’m just

Captain Brien: How does that work?

Kristina Montouri: A bougie bum. No I’m not. I rent my house, Air BnB. And I’ve been hanging with my brother’s house. So that’s how I’ve been funding some things and I have some other investments too.

Captain Brien: Very cool. So as far as your comedy, tell us what we can expect.

Kristina Montouri: What can you expect from my comedy?

Captain Brien: I’ve seen a bunch, but I wanna know what you –

Kristina Montouri: So I have material from – I used to be married, I just got a divorce too, so that’s another thing. It just changed my life completely, just turned it upside down. The Etch-A-Sketch. This cool thing and just shake it all up and now I’m drawin a new thing and I don’t know what it’s gonna be but we’ll figure it out together. My comedy is very real, I do not censor myself, I have –

Captain Brien: Which no comic should.

Kristina Montouri: They shouldn’t but some people do. You know what I mean? I censored myself for one show because it was a really religious crowd and I totally regretted doing that.

Captain Brien: There is scenarios where you’re booked on a show and the opener will be told look, you can’t be super dirty. There’s two reasons why comics don’t want comedians dirty up front. Because a comedian who is clean wants the whole show to be clean. A comedian that’s dirty, wants the whole impact of them being dirty and catching all the jokes that are dirty to them cause they’re the headliner. They don’t want an opener to go up and use a bunch of material that already has the crowd used to being dirty. They want the shock factor of doing that.

Kristina Montouri: Yeah you need to have that flow through the whole show

Captain Brien: Correct.

Kristina Montouri: Whatever vibe you wanna have for each show. Exactly. And I’m glad you brought that up too. So yeah, I think there is offensive and dirty humor and things that you can say in certain ways that do offend people for no reason. And then there are other things that you can say and joke about that kind of challenge people’s current beliefs, it makes them a little bit uncomfortable, but in a good way. You’re never really learnin anything until you’re kind of out of your comfort zone. So the comedians that I aspire to be like are the comedians that say something that you’re not exactly comfortable with in the moment but then you think hey, they had a point.

Captain Brien: And who is that?

Kristina Montouri: I might learn something.

Captain Brien: Who do you like the most?

Kristina Montouri: Anthony Jeselnik.

Captain Brien: Oh, he’s a buddy of mine, he’s great.

Kristina Montouri: If you are offended by what he’s saying it’s probably because it’s a little meta for you. He’s actually not racist, sexist, any of those things. He’s saying things ironically, it’s very intelligent humor.

Kristina Montouri: So that’s what I try to do.

Captain Brien: Out of all the comedians that are touring right now, he’s pretty much the only one that can get away with that.

Kristina Montouri: Oh yeah. Yeah he’s great. And then Nikki Glaser does sexual humor in a very intelligent way also.

Captain Brien: Yup, Nikki’s great. The first time I had Nikki, she opened for Amy Schumer. That was a hell of a show.

Kristina Montouri: I just read Amy Scumer’s book and that was a great book.

Captain Brien: I have not. And I won’t cause I don’t read a lot.

Kristina Montouri: She’s a very interesting person.

Captain Brien: I just don’t.

Kristina Montouri: I listen to audio books, honestly.

Captain Brien: I really don’t.

Kristina Montouri: I listen to audio books more than anything. But back to the sexual humor. I don’t tell dirty jokes, I tell sexual jokes, because sex is not dirty. It’s a human thing, and I think keeping something in the dark and hiding it actually is kind of dangerous. Kids are going to figure it out whether you like it or not, so you can either be open about it and admit that it’s a normal human thing, or you can let them navigate through Pornhub and figure it out themselves. And it’s probably not gonna be the right thing.

Captain Brien: Right. They’re gonna venture across something that probably isn’t a traditional technique.

Kristina Montouri: Yeah. When I was a kid I was sheltered, so this is kinda coming from a personal past. My parents did not speak of sex at all. It was just you did not talk about it. Which of course, what are you gonna do when you can’t talk about something? You’re gonna be very interested in it.

Captain Brien: You’re gonna be interested.

Kristina Montouri: Oh my gosh.

Captain Brien: So you’re very sexually active. Ladies and gentlemen, she’s extremely horny on the Captain’s Log, we appreciate that, and she’s gonna be on stage, you can come see her March 2nd. Don’t miss her. No, I’m just kidding.

Kristina Montouri: I am 30, that means hormonally I’m basically a 17-year-old boy.

Captain Brien: Does that work that way?

Kristina Montouri: My doctor says.

Captain Brien: They all say that, but does it really kick in at 30?

Kristina Montouri: Well I’m also recently divorced so it could just be like party time.

Captain Brien: You’re on the party train.

Kristina Montouri: Yeah, I’m on the no pun intended. Or was it?

Captain Brien: That’s funny. So 30 is the magic number or what or was it gradual? Or was it the divorce and it went right to the moon?

Kristina Montouri: It was probably more the divorce. It was just like I don’t know –

Captain Brien: How long were you married?

Kristina Montouri: I was married for eight years.

Captain Brien: Eight years.

Kristina Montouri: Yeah, I got married young.

Captain Brien: Really?

Kristina Montouri: I got married at 22.

Captain Brien: Wow.

Kristina Montouri: Because my family was very you gotta save it for marriage, you gotta save it for marriage. And there were a couple times where I didn’t save it for marriage. But overall –

Captain Brien: Throughout the marriage?

Kristina Montouri: What do you mean throughout the marriage? Overall –

Captain Brien: You didn’t save it for just for him while you were married?

Kristina Montouri: No, no, no, no, no.

Kristina Montouri: I can’t understand why you’re not married any more. I meant before, before, before.

Captain Brien: Oh, okay, okay I was confused. Sorry, sorry, I was confused.

Kristina Montouri: When you’re younger, you wanna do what your family thinks is the right thing so I went to Catholic school, and they were like Jesus doesn’t want you to have sex unless it’s in the butt and that’s the loophole.

Captain Brien: So you got married at 22 but you were sexually active at what age?

Kristina Montouri: Oh, 19. But it was only those couple of times.

Captain Brien: Was it with the same guy or no?

Kristina Montouri: Yeah.

Captain Brien: Really?

Kristina Montouri: So you married your not high school sweetheart, but close to it? Oh yeah.

Captain Brien: So yeah. So that’s another reason why I think people need to relax a little bit. I married a great guy. Stand up guy, I highly recommend him to anyone who’s looking for a husband

Captain Brien: Did you get half his shit?

Kristina Montouri: No.

Captain Brien: What do you mean no? How does that happen?

Kristina Montouri: I know, my lawyer said I was stupid.

Captain Brien: How do I do that?

Kristina Montouri: Here’s the thing, we both had our own shit because –

Captain Brien: Okay, so you came carrying groceries, and you guys both left with goodie bags.

Kristina Montouri: We both left with our own goodie bags.

Captain Brien: Okay, okay.

Kristina Montouri: Yes, we both were fine. I could’ve gotten alimony and all that other stuff but I just thought that was bullshit, you know?

Captain Brien: Because you didn’t work through your marriage?

Kristina Montouri: I did.

Captain Brien: So how are you gonna still?

Kristina Montouri: At the time, I had just quit my job. I had just decided to change my life completely. I quit my job as a weatherwoman.

Captain Brien: Cause you don’t have any kids.

Kristina Montouri: No kids, no kids.

Captain Brien: Yeah, so you’re free.

Kristina Montouri: Very free.

Captain Brien: You’re not married, you’re free, you’re just humpin all around Florida right now.

Captain Brien: Anything you can do you’re just – she’s available guys, she’s available. Just hit her up and go ahead give your Instagram and your Facebook if you’d like for sure.

Kristina Montouri: Yeah my Instagram and Facebook both just my name, Kristina Montuori.

Captain Brien: You gotta spell Montuori, cause there’s no way I could spell it.

Kristina Montouri: M-O-N-T-U-O-R-I. And I’m tagged at the top of this post.

Captain Brien: Yeah exactly, yeah you could just follow her.

Kristina Montouri: So you can just click that and follow it, find it on Instagram, the whole thing. I just gotta be a real person, I don’t care what anyone thinks of me anymore, I’m good with myself, and you notice I don’t do the makeup thing anymore. Last time you saw me I was getting makeup on in the Uber with my hair out the window.

Captain Brien: Right, so now you’re au naturelle Kristina.

Kristina Montouri: Yeah, and you know what? I get way more attention without the makeup. I don’t know if guys are like I don’t know, she looks like she could be homeless, I should probably tak her home.

Captain Brien: Maybe they feel –

Kristina Montouri: She’s a mess, she’s a mess.

Captain Brien: Maybe you seem more achievable now.

Kristina Montouri: More achievable?

Captain Brien: That’s what it is. They’re like she doesn’t do herself all up, she seems down to Earth, I’m able to meet her now.

Kristina Montouri: I’ve been meeting a lot –

Captain Brien: Cause if you’re all done to the nines, the guy’s gonna be like damn, well I gotta freakin go and shower before I say hi out there.

Kristina Montouri: Yes. And you meet a different type of person. You meet the kind of people that are all about appearance, and I’ve gotta impress everyone, and I’m not really about that. I just got used to wearing makeup because it was part of my job, you know?

Captain Brien: What’s the best date?

Captain Brien: Your ultimate date.

Kristina Montouri: Best date?

Captain Brien: When a guy meets you, what do they need to do? Take you out, where?

Kristina Montouri: Oh man, the beach.

Captain Brien: The beach.

Captain Brien: Get that sunset.

Kristina Montouri: I’m a sucker for a sunset.

Captain Brien: You gonna wear a bikini?

Kristina Montouri: If it’s warm enough, yeah.

Captain Brien: She wears a bikini, guys. How can you say no?

Kristina Montouri: Who doesn’t?

Captain Brien: Is it a string bikini or is it like a onesie?

Kristina Montouri: Jesus Christ.

Captain Brien: Come on, they need to know. I’m here just dealing out the information.

Kristina Montouri: Here’s the thing, I do wear a two-piece, because it just makes sense because I have a very long torso. My chair is actually lower to the mat

Captain Brien: Yeah, you’re tall.

Kristina Montouri: Cause if I sit up I’m touching the ceiling right now and it’s my torso. I’m a great swimmer because of that, actually.

Captain Brien: That is true, because you are like –

Kristina Montouri: It’s all torso. Sitting down I’m very tall.

Captain Brien: You’re an inch shorter than me but you’re literally taller than me right now.

Kristina Montouri: Yeah, I’m actually kind of leaning so I can get in your shot.

Captain Brien: We should’ve traded torsos, I could’ve been taller. Damn it.

Kristina Montouri: I wish I had a –

Captain Brien: I got a short torso, maybe.

Kristina Montouri: That’s the way to be though. Everyone’s like oh she’s got legs for days. No one’s like look at that torso boo.

Captain Brien: Oh, is that what it is?

Kristina Montouri: No one cares about a torso.

Captain Brien: But then the stomach goes for days.

Kristina Montouri: It’s nice, cause I can gain a lot of weight and it kinda evens out, there’s not a belly there.

Kristina Montouri: It distributes it.

Captain Brieni: It’s distribution,

Kristina Montouri: More, more room to – and then you have the thick legs cause they’re short, right? So then if you’re ever not feeling confident, you just walk through a group.

Kristina Montouri: Don’t guys want thick girls these days?

Kristina Montouri: I don’t know what guys want.

Captain Brien: I don’t think you’re thick, you’re very thin.

Kristina Montouri: Everybody wants –

Captain Brien: But isn’t that a thing? It’s not for me. Not a big thick girl.

Kristina Montouri: No? It’s whatever you want, you know? And a lot of people are all about the whole a real woman’s got this or a real woman’s got that. I’m like, we’re all real, we’re all breathing and walking, just be a healthy person. It doesn’t really matter.

Captain Brien: And loving and caring and sincere and honest.

Kristina Montouri: Yes.

Captain Brien: What about all those?

Kristina Montouri: Those are good too, you know?

Captain Brien: At the beach in a bikini those go out the window, though.

Kristina Montouri: Then you could be a complete asshole as long as you look good. That’s the moral of the story.

Captain Brien: So the guy’s gotta take you to the beach, what else does he have to do?

Kristina Montouri: Gosh, you gotta open up.

Captain Brien: Gotta open up.

Kristina Montouri: Oh man, I love being real.

Captain Brien: The wallet or the mind?

Kristina Montouri: Mind. Actually I have a strict policy. I pay for my own things.

Captain Brien: You do?

Kristina Montouri: On especially a first date, yes. Because I don’t like people to have expectations. They think you owe them something cause they bought you dinner.

Captain Brien: Right, so you wanna make sure you’re in control.

Kristina Montouri: Yes. I like being in control.

Captain Brien: 2019 the ladies are in the driver’s seat.

Kristina Montouri: I hate being told what to do, I absolutely hate being told what to do, unless I’m naked.

Captain Brien: Wow.

Kristina Montouri: I’m a dom in the streets and a sub in the sheets.

Captain Brien: I got you, I got you. Okay, okay. You guys might wanna know that, there you go. You can DM her at any time.

Kristina Montouri: Please don’t. I don’t answer my DMs.

Captain Brien: I know, for real. How many you must have

Kristina Montouri: You can follow and you can comment.

Captain Brien: That’s right.

Kristina Montouri: I’ll hit you up in the comments but –

Captain Brien: Yeah, you could be a fan, and you could buy tickets to the show, right? Off the Hook Comedy club March 2nd.

Kristina Montouri: March 2nd and since it’s sexual it’s a later show, right?

Captain Brien: It’s a 10:30 show at Richie La La, I think Eric Myers is on that show, you’re on the show, probably Carl and Stacey might be on that show.

Kristina Montouri: Hell yeah.

Captain Brien: It’s gonna be a great show and a big line up. So everyone gets to do about 15 minutes so that’ll be fun. Maybe 20.

Kristina Montouri: Sounds good. Maybe 20. Alright, I could do that. I’m pumped about that. That’s my problem.

Captain Brien: But thank you for doing my podcast today, this is the Captain’s Log, and you’re a fan, so now –

Kristina Montouri: I’m a huge fan.

Captain Brien: You’re gonna have to tell everyone that you did the show, it’s amazing.

Kristina Montouri: I will definitely do it. I will share it.

Captain Brien: The same show that Kevin Hart did. You did it. Now you’re movin up on the ladder.

Kristina Montouri: Movin up in the world. So Kevin Hart was sittin right here?

Captain Brien: Kevin Hart was sittin actually –

Kristina Montouri: Where was his torso? Where was his torso at?

Captain Brien: He’s short as hell.

Kristina Montouri: I know. I love him.

Captain Brien: But actually we did a whole show during the day and I even did an interview on the stage with him back at the club. So yeah, but he had eight people in the car when we went to do radio. Cause I usually do it with comedians on the way to press. So our press day will include while I’m driving me talking to them because they can’t run away and say no. So it’s good, I have a captive audience.

Kristina Montouri: Have you had a favorite, or just a favorite type of interview?

Captain Brien: Man, I did one with Bert Kreischer and it literally melted the whole computer.

Captain Brien: For an hour and a half we just had what I thought was gold. I hit save, I was ready to freakin upload it, and my whole Imac literally just died. I lost all of the material.

Kristina Montouri: No.

Captain Brien: And he just told that story on Mike Calta’s show last week cause he was in town. He sold out the whole theater, Bert’s on fire. He’s so great. Everything he does is a party. So the podcast was just great. But I’ve had some amazing guests. Not only in comedy. We do a lot of different things, and a lot of it is me and it’s the Captain’s Log because it’s like my daily journeys. So I’ll do all different things. It’s not just – it could be entrepreneurial, it could be my health, my whatever. Personal issues or personal achievements, it could be – so it’s just a whole mix of stuff. So every day it’s kinda something different. I try to do it every day but I had launched my own vodka brand and I introduced a gin and a rum and a dark rum.

Kristina Montouri: What’s it called?

Captain Brien: Captain Brien’s.

Kristina Montouri: It’s called Captain Brien’s.

Captain Brien: Yes. So that’s keeping me super busy, which it’s actually cutting into my podcasting hours.

Kristina Montouri: Well now I can actually have a Captain and Coke that I enjoy

Captain Brien: You can have the Captain all the time.

Kristina Montouri: cause I’m not all about Capatin Morgan.

Kristina Montouri: This is the best news all day.

Captain Brien: I have dark rum and light rum.

Captain Brien: Alright Kristina, thank you so much.

Kristina Montouri: Thank you.

Captain Brien: I appreciate you being my guest today. Don’t miss her guys, at Off the Hook Comedy Club. We are out and I’m goin to Sarasota tomorrow so I’m gonna take you guys with me. Tune in, we’ll see ya live.

Episode 219 The Captain’s Log with Comedian Jon Rudnitsky and Captain Brien!

Comedian and SNL Star Jon Rudnitsky joins Captain Brien to discuss his beginning at the Montreal Comedy Festival, what it’s like being on SNL, and the two even discuss waxing male parts!

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Funny jokes and notes from a day and the life Off the hook Comedy Club. Off the hook comedy club post on twitter daily follow us #captainslog for the latest info.

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Miss something on one of our episodes of the #naplescaptainslog? Don’t worry we got you covered! Here you will find a full transcript from this episode of the #naplescaptainslog!

Jon Rudnitsky: I’m hopeful.

Captain Brien: We’re live! It’s the Captain’s Log. Jon Rudnitsky. How ya doin’ buddy?

Jon Rudnitsky: Hey good.

Captain Brien:That was my hardest part of the whole day, sayin’ the name.

Jon Rudnitsky:: And getting the live stream to work here.

Captain Brien: Okay let’s do that before I drive away, we don’t want to drive away and then not have you on there.

Jon Rudnitsky: Let me get it live on my Facebook as well.

Captain Brien: So how was the flight, man?

Jon Rudnitsky: The flight was fantastic, I was asleep for most of it.

Captain Brien: Really?

Jon Rudnitsky: That was ideal. Is everything alright with the camera?

Captain Brien: Everything’s good. On that one I probably just ran out of batteries.

Jon Rudnitsky: Okay.

Captain Brien: But that’s okay, we like to stream live, I have that as a backup.

Jon Rudnitsky: Oh, perfect.

Captain Brien: And then we do it, you know? We’ll see where we’re at. The flight came in late though, yeah?

Jon Rudnitsky: Yeah, I mean I’m comin’ from LA to get to, where are we? Basking?

Captain Brien: You’re in Bonita Springs we’re in Naples, Florida.

Jon Rudnitsky: Naples. And happy to be in Naples, I knew I was in Naples I was testing you ahhh.

Captain Brien: That was the thing, yeah, you were just

Jon Rudnitsky: It’s a second shirt. It’s a it’s a schlep to get from LA to here.

Captain Brien: There’s no direct flights.

Jon Rudnitsky: Yeah, yeah.

Captain Brien: So how long did the flight take?

Jon Rudnitsky: Oh I don’t know it took on I left last week.

Captain Brien: You hated it?

Jon Rudnitsky: No, no I didn’t mind it its all good I’m used to traveling it’s part of my job here He’s not texting

Captain Brien: I’m not texting I’m sharing stuff.

Captain Brien: Checking the livestream. Who doesn’t have the Facebook app? That’s a phenomenon right there I like that

Jon Rudnitsky: I periodically delete the Instagram app just because I like to be less connected.

Captain Brien: Really?

Jon Rudnitsky: Yeah just from my phone.

Captain Brien: Even in your industry.

Jon Rudnitsky: Yeah when I’m promoting a show I post and then I like delete the app cause I’m like I don’t wanna be wasting time I don’t trust myself to not open it up and then I start going down a rabbit hole. Why am I lookin’ up my ex-girlfriend’s fiance

Captain Brien: You can do like uh it used to be like the Youtube

Jon Rudnitsky: Pictures from 2014 I’m like this this is sad, this is the middle of the day and I’ve been on the toilet for an hour and a half now

Captain Brien: Right. It used to be like the Youtube vortex but I think everyone’s like on the Instagram now I’ll just start watching that scrolling.

Jon Rudnitsky: Yeah Facebook is for my mom. For my mom to uh, accidentally post things on her status.

Captain Brien: So what, what’s the deal what are you looking forward to here in Naples cause for me it’s the same scenario but I love when the comics come in they want to do different stuff

Jon Rudnitsky: I wanna go to the beach I wanna hang out it’s nice weather here I wanna eat good seafood and I’m looking forward to the shows.

Captain Brien: You wanna know a story? Kevin Hart came down with seven of his homies, they stayed in a penthouse on the Marco Island Beach at the Marriott and never once went outside.

Jon Rudnitsky: Really?

Captain Brien: Yeah they never went to the beach.

Jon Rudnitsky: Unbelievable!

Captain Brien: I would go to the beach every day.

Jon Rudnitsky: You got a penthouse its a different thing, I’m at the Hampton Inn so I’m itchin’ to get out and see the sun.

Captain Brien: They played video games all day.

Jon Rudnitsky: Amazing. That’s great if I had a penthouse you know, who knows I might do that, I’d probably be out on the beach, I’d be out at the beach you know, a mix of the video games was wow but if I had all my buddies he’s doin’ it right that guy, Kevin Hart.

Captain Brien: So tell me about Saturday Night Live, how’s that gig?

Jon Rudnitsky: That gig was wild you know

Captain Brien: How’d you get it first of all?

Jon Rudnitsky: I was at the Just for Laughs Comedy Festival in Montreal I seeing new faces. – Are you goin’ this year? I’m not going this year now no, are you goin’?

Captain Brien: I might go this year, yeah. I missed a couple of years in a row but I think I wanna get back this year.

Jon Rudnitsky: It’s a wild time.

Captain Brien: It’s fun.

Jon Rudnitsky: Yeah and for those who don’t know it’s the biggest comedy festival in the world

Captain Brien: It is.

Jon Rudnitsky: And I’d done this Dirty Dancing bit for my audition

Captain Brien: Okay.

Jon Rudnitsky: It’s basically where I come out to the Dirty Dancing song I Had The Time of My Life I had an imaginary

Captain Brien: Do you like to dance?

Jon Rudnitsky: I do.

Captain Brien:  I saw your moves, I saw your moves on the uh, what’s the game, is that the game or or the scream that you did

Jon Rudnitsky: Oh Oh that was just uh a Donald Glover commercial, Google commercial that I think is really cool and so

Captain Brien: You were doin’ the moves you looked good

Jon Rudnitsky: I was stoned one night and just learned all the moves and then and then I posted it.

Captain Brien: Speaking of which, I hung out with Donald Glover at the Montreal Comedy Festival.

Jon Rudnitsky: Oh my God that’s so cool. There’s nobody more talented I think in the world.

Captain Brien:  He’s amazing.

Jon Rudnitsky: than Donald Glover.

Captain Brien: Yeah.

Jon Rudnitsky: Yeah oh my God forget about it

Captain Brien:  That was a good time

Jon Rudnitsky: Yeah he’s unreal, he’s unreal.

Captain Brien:  He literally did comedy and then grabbed the mic and rapped in the middle of the nightclub.

Jon Rudnitsky: That sounds about right.

Captain Brien: He like just…

Jon Rudnitsky: He’s the funniest guy

Captain Brien:  He literally just started rapping

Jon Rudnitsky: And the most talented oh my God

Captain Brien:  In the middle of the club.

Jon Rudnitsky: That’s amazing.

Captain Brien: I don’t think people knew how cool that was at the time cuz it was like

Jon Rudnitsky: Oh was this kinda before

Captain Brien: Like five years ago, six years ago.

Jon Rudnitsky: Wow.

Captain Brien: Maybe four or five years ago so he was just blowing up.

Jon Rudnitsky: He’ll win like an Academy Award in the next couple years, he’ll make a movie whatever he touches is just immediately is immediately gold. So anyway so I did this Dirty Dancing bit where I came out to the Dirty Dancing song and I danced with an imaginary Jennifer Gray I mime the whole thing until the lift, and then I drop her, and she’s she’s dead.

Captain Brien:  And this is your audition?

Jon Rudnitsky: This was my audition.

Captain Brien:  Did they ask for this or this is what you sent in?

Jon Rudnitsky: No actually weirdly enough it was this was not my audition for SNL this was just my audition for, hey good morning Crystal.

Captain Brien:  Hey Crystal.

Jon Rudnitsky: Uh, this was just my, uh audition for the festival.

Captain Brien: Okay.

Jon Rudnitsky: It was actually my callback and it wasn’t supposed to be my callback, I auditioned with the standup and then for my callback I was like I’m going to go out there and do this weird mime act uh and at least they’ll remember me. I probably won’t get to book it but we won’t get new faces cause it’s so competitive but at least they’ll remember me. And then I did it and instead of going out there and doing my jokes I just didn’t talk for five minutes, I did this whole thing where I dance with imaginary Jennifer Gray up until the lift then she, I drop her, she’s a goner, I’m tryin’ to revive her.

Captain Brien:  Did you have this all planned?

Jon Rudnitsky: It goes on and goes on.

Captain Brien:  Or was this Ad-Lib?

Jon Rudnitsky: No I had it all planned, I had it all worked out, and then I did it at Montreal and SNL scouts were there and they invited me to showcase in LA and then they invited me to screen test at 30 Rock in front of Lorne and the producers and what not and and like a month later I’m at a parking lot in Minnesota about to perform at a comedy club and I get a call from Lorne Michaels inviting me to join the cast so it definitely changed my life, that moment.

Captain Brien:  I was there um when Amy Schumer got the call for the Amy Schumer Show which is I mean, it’s mind blowing right? Like these are life changing events was it a life changing event for you?

Jon Rudnitsky: By a long shot.

Captain Brien:  It was right? I mean of course.

Jon Rudnitsky: It was the most exciting thing that still ever happened to me you know, I’ve had some exciting calls I mean, just finishing this Hulu show with George Clooney in Italy is pretty wild. But this was the first big call and SNL is like, the dream for me. Was always the dream.

Captain Brien: Were you sitting there waiting for it? It just happened right it wasn’t like you know like approximately or no?

Jon Rudnitsky: I had tested for it and was waiting to hear

Captain Brien: But you didn’t know when the call was coming it coulda come in two weeks or coulda came next day right?

Jon Rudnitsky: Right, yeah.

Captain Brien:  Or they coulda called and said dude it didn’t work.

Jon Rudnitsky: It didn’t work out.

Captain Brien:  Saw your face but not gonna happen.

Jon Rudnitsky: Those are long days waiting for that call, waiting to find out if you got Saturday Night Live, and then getting it I screamed I just went running and screaming, just yelling at the top of my lungs.

Captain Brien:  And in the first time you were on camera live, were you shitting your pants, I mean to say the least?

Jon Rudnitsky: You know, it’s one of those things you kind of shit in your pants after is how I, it’s kinda how I always talk about it.

Captain Brien: It’s like Holy Shit I did it?

Jon Rudnitsky: It’s like you just gotta be here while its happening, I can’t think, I can’t zoom out and think about what I’m doing because if I did I would be frozen, like I’m on SNL, I’m live in front of millions of people, Miley Cyrus is licking my face which is what happened in my first week.

Captain Brien:  Oh my God!

Jon Rudnitsky: I can’t be thinking about the fact that this is happening. Now I look back and I’m like oh my God.

Captain Brien: Did you like Miley?

Jon Rudnitsky: She was so cool.

Captain Brien:  Yeah she is.

Jon Rudnitsky: That was uh uh quite an experience to, way to get initiated.

Jon Rudnitsky: I agree.

Jon Rudnitsky: Into the show.

Captain Brien: : What brought the lick on? Just the handsomeness, she couldn’t

Jon Rudnitsky: I wish I could take credit for that, but no the premise of the sketch was like a Grease dance you know like a 50’s kind of vibe.

Captain Brien: Oh yeah, I saw that, I saw that.

Jon Rudnitsky: And uh I’m like, she’s the new girl in school look how cute she is you know. And then she’s like modern day Miley so she’s like licking a lollipop and rappin’ about takin’ Molly and I’m like, overwhelmed and don’t know how to deal with it then by the end she’s like, you know, licking my face.

Captain Brien: You won her over.

Jon Rudnitsky: Or she like freaked me out, and pulled me in, but yeah it was a very cool experience. And to be able to come up with an idea on Tuesday, and then on Saturday suddenly you’re in costume.

Captain Brien: How long does that take ya to run the ideas by everyone?

Jon Rudnitsky: Um you know its just one night is writing night.

Captain Brien:  You have a pitch night?

Jon Rudnitsky: Monday night is pitch night, Tuesday night is writing night, you know, and then uh, then Wednesday and Thursday then you know you’re rehearsing, and then Friday you’re uh gearing up, by Saturday it’s ready to go and that’s it. And then there’s a dress rehearsal and things are gettin’ cut all the way up until the show. You could you know have something on the show but it could get cut for time.

Captain Brien: Right.

Jon Rudnitsky: You know, right before, so it’s

Captain Brien: What’s the wildest thing someone pitched in the room when they were like, who the hell thought of that?

Jon Rudnitsky:: I can’t honestly, I don’t know, I can’t think of like a crazy pitch, it was always, it’s always real funny, funny stuff but nothing like crazy I feel like.

Captain Brien: What about ones they they turn down, that you were like, damn, they didn’t frickin’ want that?

Jon Rudnitsky: Um.

Captain Brien:  That sounds hysterical.

Jon Rudnitsky:: I’m tryin’, jeez, I’m tryin’ to remember.

Captain Brien: What about something you pitched that got frickin’ turned down?

Jon Rudnitsky: Oh my God, so many more often than not, way more often than not.

Captain Brien: Really?

Jon Rudnitsky: When I pitch things.

Captain Brien:  Was there like a pecking order, where like, there’re certain guys who always get through?

Jon Rudnitsky: Well, yeah, there are certainly people who’ve earned their stripes there, and you know, Kate McKinnon is always gonna be you know, prominent in the show. Kenan has been there 15 years so he’s gonna be used a lot and, yeah there’s definitely and I was the new guy, so I kinda got thrown into the deep end with weights around my ankles a bit.

Captain Brien:  Right.

Jon Rudnitsky: And, for me it’s like fighting to to get air time. You have to really you have to write yourself into stuff, cuz otherwise I’m just the waiter, you know, oh the President will see you now and that’s it, that’s all I’ll do the entire show, so. Um, for me I had to write my own stuff, and and then you’re doin’ that, you write that Tuesday night at six a.m. with no sleep I’m writin’ a character, new idea, then suddenly Wednesday’s at a table reading in front of the funniest people in the world and whichever movie star’s hosting that week, and yeah a lot of times it doesn’t go well. To bomb at that level there’s nothing quite like that. Yeah.

Captain Brien: Yeah. And even on stage if you’re bombing the lights you can’t see every person’s face the whole time, but maybe in that room might be a little intimidating huh?

Jon Rudnitsky: Yeah, it’s one thing if you’re bombing you know, at a comedy club wherever in, in, the country and it’s another thing if you’re bombing in front of Tina Fey or whoever’s hosting that week, or whoever, Larry David’s there, you know. I had a good week the week Larry David was there, which was nice cuz he’s my comedic icon, but, yeah I had a couple of good weeks and then a lot of, lot of misses and that’s the thing, the highs are very high and the lows are very low at that show. And it moves at a very fast pace, a very fast pace.

Captain Brien:  I always wonder, what about goin’ back like, have you been to any high school or college reunions or anything, and they’re like, dude, you’re on freakin’ SNL now!

Jon Rudnitsky: It was pretty wild yeah, the whole thing was a real, cuz I moved out to LA to pursue all of it and my first job was back in the East Coast where I grew up so, for me, like I called all my best friends, I’m like comin’, I’m movin’ home also cuz I got SNL. So, actually in the intro of the show it’s me walkin’ down a street in Manhattan with my best friends and my brothers.

Captain Brien:  Cool.

Jon Rudnitsky: Yeah, that was in the intro of the show. So yeah it was very cool and

Captain Brien: So when you were in high school, did you go to college?

Jon Rudnitsky: Yeah I went to USC that’s what brought me out to LA.

Captain Brien: : And you studied?

Jon Rudnitsky: Theater.

Captain Brien: Theater, right? So in high school were you already into theater?

Jon Rudnitsky: Always wanted to perform this was always the thing.

Captain Brien:  Did you do high school plays?

Jon Rudnitsky: I did the musicals, yeah.

Captain Brien:  Yeah, I did some, I did.

Jon Rudnitsky: You did?

Captain Brien:  I did in some drama like productions in the town I did a few.

Jon Rudnitsky: Oh wow! You got some footage and that we can cut to?

Captain Brien:  I do, I have some break dancin’ clips too.

Jon Rudnitsky: Oh my God break dancing! Can you still do that?

Captain Brien:  A little bit, a little bit.

Jon Rudnitsky: Wow.

Captain Brien:  Yeah I was on a break dancing show when I was in high, when I was in middle school, yeah.

Jon Rudnitsky: Wow.

Captain Brien:  It was a local cable show but it was pretty fun though.

Jon Rudnitsky: Oh my God I would love to see this.

Captain Brien:  It was great, it was great.

Jon Rudnitsky: Yeah. Baggy sweatpants?

Captain Brien:  Oh yeah, the zippers, parachute pants and that.

Jon Rudnitsky: Bust a move. I imagine.

Captain Brien:  Oh yeah that was great.

Jon Rudnitsky: That’s fantastic, yeah, you gotta be, you gotta be strong to pull off those moves.

Captain Brien: You do, you do. What about what about traveling now with the food, like you’re from New Jersey right?

Jon Rudnitsky: Yeah, from Jersey.

Captain Brien:  So the food’s the best in Jersey, I always feel like Jersey, Chicago, Boston, New York, right?

Jon Rudnitsky: All good stuff, yeah.

Jon Rudnitsky: Amazing. Like LA says they got great food, they got great restaurants, other places but it’s a different deal. Like I, I’m down with like the New York, the Boston, Jersey like Mom and Pop places been there like 50 years and they make the best whatever right?

Captain Brien:  Yeah yeah yeah

Captain Brien: When you go out to like LA the food has to be like really trendy, you don’t have that background right?

Jon Rudnitsky: It’s true, it’s different. It’s a lot of health foods in LA, which is good, I like I feel good when I’m in LA because it’s actually hard to eat like shit there, you know

Captain Brien:  Cause everyone’s like oh my God you’re not vegan?

Jon Rudnitsky: You can’t find regular milk there.

Captain Brien: It’s almond?

Jon Rudnitsky: It’s almond, it’s oat, it’s hemp, the milk’s go on and on.

Captain Brien:  Really?

Jon Rudnitsky: You can’t keep up with the milks. But now since I left yesterday I’ve had Dunkin’ Donuts three times.

Captain Brien: Oh I love Dunkin’! We went there this morning, right?

Jon Rudnitsky: We did, we did.

Captain Brien: They’re not sponsoring the show by the way, if Dunkin’ would like to you need to call us.

Jon Rudnitsky: Hashtag Dunkin’ Donuts.

Captain Brien: So we just left 105.5 we did two stations already, Gator Country, right? – Yeah.

Captain Brien: That went well with Mel and Scott, just left 105.5 the Beat with the Freak Show and now we’re doin’ 103.9 at Beasley.

Jon Rudnitsky: We got another radio?

Captain Brien: We got two more.

Jon Rudnitsky: Two more? Oh my God, look at this I thought I was goin’ back to bed.

Captain Brien: No, we’re takin’ ya to, it’s quick though, it’s quick. One hour we’ll be done. With everything. We’ll be done in an hour.

Jon Rudnitsky: Perfect perfect. Yeah no I’m I’m gamin’ here oh my God.

Captain Brien: You had no choice to do the show, it wasn’t like you were gonna get from Ft Myers back to your hotel without drivin’ with me

Jon Rudnitsky: No, I wasn’t avoiding it, I was avoiding it, I thought I ordered an Uber I don’t know how I ended up in this situation. Right?

Captain Brien: You didn’t know it was gonna be so much fun and so many questions.

Jon Rudnitsky: This is a blast, this is great.

Captain Brien: How do you keep the beard, do you trim it or do you just let that grow in and shave it?

Jon Rudnistky: I trim the beard.

Captain Brien: You do?

Jon Rudnitsky: I trim it, yeah yeah yeah, but I’m happiest with facial hair. I don’t know how you feel but don’t you always feel like ya gotta have a little bit of scruff?

Captain Brien: I go with the scruff and then I shave.

Jon Rudnitsky: I see you shave this.

Captain Brien: The reason I don’t shave this is I get a lot of rash. Like sometimes it’s just uh it gets uncomfortable.

Jon Rudnitsky: I go with the electric trimmer.

Captain Brien: Yeah me too, the trim.

Jon Rudnitsky: I bought one for my face and one for everything else.

Captain Brien:One for your nuts.

Jon Rudnitsky: Yeah you don’t want to use the same one but sometimes I forget I don’t have ’em labeled so it’s luck of the draw.

Captain Brien: And do you live with somebody?

Jon Rudnitsky: I do.

Captain Brien: And do you let them know this is the nuts one on the face one?

Jon Rudnitsky: She just stays clear of all.

Captain Brien: She does? I probably wouldn’t say anything. Oh I’d be like I used that one today, ha ha and I’d just laugh myself.

Jon Rudnitsky: Yeah well I don’t think she, she’s got she’s not usin’ my razor blade, she’s got a….

Captain Brien: She’s straight Bic?

Jon Rudnitsky: She’s got a fancier situation goin’ on she’s not an animal like me.

Captain Brien: I wouldn’t do the wax though. Did you ever do the full wax?

Jon Rudnitsky: I’ve never, I’ve never done a full wax. I’ve thought about it.

Captain Brien: Really? I get scared just goin’ up.

Jon Rudnitsky: The the uh you know, the in between the area the landing.

Captain Brien: Here’s what bothers me with the wax. When I go to the counter and they’re like yeah, what can we do for you today? What what kind of wax would you like, and I’m like, my eyebrows, I’m even afraid to say my ears. Out loud. I’m like my eyebrows, and then when I get in there I’m like can you do my ears and my nose? I don’t wanna be up at the counter, be like, can you wax my taint, my nuts are very hairy right now.

Jon Rudnitsky: Oh my God.

Captain Brien: Like, it’s embarrassing.

Jon Rudnitsky: Yeah, you’re not the first person to ask and you know it’s uh

Captain Brien: But there’s always other people waiting to like.

Jon Rudnitsky: You gotta go to a place that I guess uh

Captain Brien: I go to a high end place, it just drives me crazy.

Jon Rudnitsky: Specializes in in waxing of the male privates.

Captain Brien: In the bung bung.

Jon Rudnitsky: Yeah, I think so. I think it would be painful, probably not worth it

Captain Brien: How would you know it’s a specialty?

Jon Rudnitsky: What’s that?

Captain Brien: How do you know it’s their specialty?

Jon Rudnitsky: I guess you gotta go on Yelp

Captain Brien: You’re gonna Yelp it? And see what their review is on Trip Advisor?

Jon Rudnitsky: You might be able to Uber Eats it maybe somebody comes to you and brings you a sandwich it’s all a package deal.

Captain Brien: Yeah, speaking of Uber, do you use Lyft or Uber all the time? I never use Lyft ever.

Jon Rudnitsky: I use Lyft actually.

Captain Brien: Really?

Jon Rudnitsky: Um there was a thing I mean there was thing back when Trump was with the, the, uh, Muslim Ban and Uber I forget honestly what was happening, but Uber was bad at the time, and I deleted the app and that was my, that was me like, making a stance. I deleted Uber and I just use Lyft, I never read down what it is.

Captain Brien: And is Lyft as accessible as Uber? Like it’s just as quick a boom, they’re there, all the time.

Jon Rudnitsky: Uh Yeah it’s great, used it last night. Lyft is everywhere and it was like five minutes here.

Captain Brien: No problem.

Jon Rudnitsky: Yeah I was surprised, surprised the whole, uh

Captain Brien: And the cars, like I see sometimes I think sometimes they’re moonlighting with both now aren’t they? They can ride Lyft and Uber at the same time.

Jon Rudnitsky: Oh yeah they’re working all of it.

Captain Brien: They are, right?

Jon Rudnitsky: A Lyft driver is also an Uber driver.

Captain Brien: I gotcha, I gotcha.

Jon Rudnitsky: Hey who’s this? Patty, hi Patty!

Captain Brien: Patty what’s happening?

Jon Rudnitsky: Anthony’s watchin’ now.

Captain Brien: I think we had a little technical difficulty you know how it tells people you’re live? I don’t think it’s telling people because we didn’t get a big number but after it plays it will play huge, it will be on the podcast, on Itunes, Stitcher, Sound Cloud,

Jon Rudnitsky: Just right now.

Captain Brien: Youtube, Facebook.

Jon Rudnitsky: Are you just trying to make me feel better that there’s two people watching us?

Captain Brien: I think so, I think that’s what my plan is. I’m tryin’ to kind of gear you up for a big punch.

Jon Rudnitsky: If this is any indication of my ticket sales.

Captain Brien: I bet you ten thousand views by the time Sunday morning rolls around.

Jon Rudnitsky: I like that, okay.

Captain Brien: That’ll happen. That’s our

Jon Rudnitsky: Just in time for me to leave town.

Captain Brien: Yeah but at least they’ll know during that time they’ll be building up. Guys, this is the Captain’s Log don’t forget you gotta see Jon all weekend at Off the Hook Comedy Club. Hey man, I appreciate the talk.

Jon Rudnitsky: I appreciate it.

Captain Brien:: It was fun I learned a lot of stuff today it was interesting.

Jon Rudnitsky:: This is great, I know about the trimmer thing, the waxing.

Captain Brien: I think we did good.

Jon Rudnitsky: Mainly about kind of hygiene and grooming

Captain Brien: We got a lot accomplished.

Jon Rudnitsky: I didn’t expect it to be so focused

Captain Brien: We’re out guys we’re out.

S2:E18 The Captain’s Log with Comedian Hank Denson and Captain Brien!

Captain Brien dives in deep to find out the reason behind Hank’s special show : Pay Teacher’s More Money. Hank talks about Puerto Rican’s and the very delicious Coquito drink. Is it Egg Nogg? Watch to find out.

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Funny jokes and notes from a day and the life Off the hook Comedy Club. Off the hook comedy club post on twitter daily follow us #captainslog for the latest info.

The captain’s log is officially sponsored by Captain Brien Spirits maker of Captain Brien Sugar Free Vodka and Barrel Aged Dark Rum both are gluten free also!

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Miss something on one of our episodes of the #naplescaptainslog? Don’t worry we got you covered! Here you will find a full transcript from this episode of the #naplescaptainslog!

Captain Brien: I’m back on the Captain’s Log! Comedian Hank Denson. What’s going on?

Hank Denson: Brum brum brum!

Captain Brien: Dude, you’re like a rockstar, paying teachers more money all over the country.

Hank Denson: No, I’m not paying them no money. Don’t say that. Don’t say that I’m paying them more money.

Captain Brien: We’re trying to get teachers more money.

Hank Denson: We’re trying to get ’em more money. We’re trying to get ’em more support. There it is, hashtag, there it is, boom.

Captain Brien:That’s your big thing.

Hank Denson: Yeah, it’s Teacher Relief Live, man. I had to change the name of Teacher Relief Live because it was making administrators nervous. I got kicked out a school here in Fort Myers.

Captain Brien: Did you?

Hank Denson: Yeah, last time I was–

Captain Brien: Why? Were you trying to go to school?

Hank Denson: The teachers had invited me and the vice principal said it was okay, but the principal shut it down. Put me out.

Captain Brien: Right out?

Hank Denson: Yeah, and I had supplies. I had stuff. I had stuff to give to the teachers.

Captain Brien: Give them freebies?

Hank Denson: Yeah, and they were like, get out of here, peace, buddy. And then they called. The principal called.

Captain Brien: Now you tell me. You didn’t tell me that before I booked you. Now you tell me.

Captain Brien: Now you want to tell me you got kicked out of schools in Fort Myers.

Hank Denson: No, man, they love me here, man. I love the teachers here. They’re amazing. They’re gonna be here tonight. But no, what happened-

Captain Brien: A lot of teachers do, it’s amazing.

Hank Denson: Orange count, orange something. But the teacher’s not there no more, and the principal, hmm.

Captain Brien: What happened?

Hank Denson: It’s, they just, the culture. One thing– the culture of schools are based on how the principal and stuff is. You know, the principal sets the culture. If the principal’s messed up, then the culture’s bad for the school and it’s bad for the students, so.

Captain Brien: Well, I think that the–

Hank Denson: He’s got a light that says live on air!

Captain Brien: It is, it’s live. But the sunlight is so bright right now you can’t tell the sign’s not lit up.

Hank Denson: You should do this at night, though.

Captain Brien: I tried doing it at night, I had to put three different lights in.

Hank Denson: Yeah.

Captain Brien: Then it’s the opposite, it’s too dark.

Hank Denson: All right, so look, let me tell you all right here, watching me. Don’t watch me unless you’re sharing it. I need you to tap the screen and share it.

Captain Brien: Say hi.

Hank Denson: Yeah, I don’t need it, tap the screen, let me know you’re here, hit the notifications right there–

Captain Brien: Tell us what town you’re watching from, that’s better, right?

Hank Denson: Yeah, oh yeah. Yeah!

Captain Brien: And then–

Hank Denson: Do you say hi to the people? What’s up, I’m Jason Jones.

Captain Brien: I say hi, sometimes, yeah. Big Mama, with that speech, we’re coming to see you right now.

Hank Denson: Okay, okay.

Captain Brien: 103.9.

Hank Denson: We’re not going, let’s not go there.

Captain Brien: We just pulled out of the Freak Show on I Heart Radio.

Hank Denson: Yes.

Captain Brien: 105.5, the Beat.

Hank Denson: Brum, brum.

Captain Brien: Head over to Beasley and chill with Big Mama and the Wild Bunch.

Hank Denson: So now you have to get a shave, now you make sure you have it nice–

Captain Brien: I have to do everything–

Hank Denson: You get your hair, you got your–

Captain Brien: I need more hair, though.

Hank Denson: You’ve got your product on.

Captain Brien: I need hair like you.

Hank Denson: Yeah. Let me tell you ’bout this hair, bro.

Captain Brien: Give me some of that.

Hank Denson: Dude, you don’t want this.

Captain Brien: It’s nice, though.

Hank Denson: It’ll mess up your tax bracket. Your credit score’ll drop, you don’t need this hair.

Hank Denson: Yo, if y’all not drinking Brien’s liquor, man, y’all need to go get a bottle now, do some day time drinking.

Captain Brien: And I’m excited, because this week the new white rum and the gin got approved, so we are about ten days away from that hitting the shelves. Be great. ‘Cause those all organic, all natural, gluten free, sugar free.

Hank Denson: Yes.

Captain Brien: Except the white rum is not sugar free.

Hank Denson: It’s not?

Captain Brien: But it’s made with organic brown sugar.

Hank Denson: Nobody believes in any of your shit you’re saying.

Captain Brien: Yeah, it is!

Hank Denson: No.

Captain Brien: It is, we’re gonna send out a promo code. It’s not on the label.

Hank Denson: Yeah, you’re lying! You lyin’!

Captain Brien: So we’re in Fort Myers, what are, you’ve been here now three times, right?

Hank Denson: Been four. So, I came two times for the teacher show. Mike Epps, and then I came for the EMS convention.

Captain Brien: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hank Denson: Yeah, so the EMS workers, y’all come out too. The EMS convention.

Captain Brien: Nice.

Hank Denson: Yeah, so. It’s time, man, c’mon, man.

Captain Brien: So what’s the big move, are you gonna talk about your podcast coming up?

Hank Denson: So the podcast coming up is called Sneakers Unplugged. You’ll see all the advertising and marketing for it come out next month during March Madness. We’re pushing that. Teacher Relief Live is working on a Hulu, I ain’t supposed to be saying all this, Hulu and Netflix–

Captain Brien: Talk to the Captain, there’s no one watching this.

Hank Denson: Hulu, Netflix deal. But I’mma share this. Hulu, Netflix deal, I’m excited about it. I have 15 cities, right now I’m at 10 cities. I’m pushing 20 cities, going to do the west coast tour soon. I’m excited.

Captain Brien: That’s great.

Hank Denson: Yeah, and I’m still on daytime TV on NBC.

Captain Brien: And you had a big hit on freakin’ Facebook.

Hank Denson: Whoa, wait a minute, so all my mi gente Puerto Rican boricua, bum-bum-bum-bum, wepa! We had a–

Captain Brien: What did you just say, just now?

Hank Denson: I just said a bunch of stuff that they say.

Captain Brien: Yeah, no idea.

Hank Denson: Yeah. So, basically what it is, I had a videos, 2.4, five million, almost, it’s five million, about coquita, which is a, base, kind of a Puerto Rican-

Captain Brien: What’s your specialty recipe? Let me hear the recipe?

Hank Denson: Oh, the, what’s in it?

Captain Brien: Yeah.

Hank Denson: Can’t tell you.

Captain Brien: C’mon.

Hank Denson: Puerto Ricans don’t like for me to tell.

Captain Brien: Dude!

Hank Denson: I tell ’em, they don’t.

They say egg nog, but there’s no egg nog in, there’s no egg in it.

Hank Denson: It’s coconut milk.

Hank Denson: All’s it is is sugar and sugar and more sugar.

Hank Denson: No, there’s no sugar!

Captain Brien:- Dude, it’s condensed milk.

Captain Brien:- Condensed milk.

Captain Brien: Evaporated milk.

Hank Denson: You’re using the leche kind, the leche, the Goya leche kind, it’s not as much sugar. But there’s less sugar than egg nog.

Captain Brien: What, I don’t know.

Hank Denson: There’s less sugar than the egg nog, man, I promise you. There’s less sugar.

Captain Brien: Sugar, egg nog is just all egg, dude.

Hank Denson: Dude, no, I promise. And egg nog, I’m lactose ignorant, so–

Captain Brien: Yeah.

Hank Denson: I drink egg nog and I’m

Captain Brien: Yeah, it’s rough, huh?

Hank Denson: Aw, yeah.

Captain Brien: Egg nog’ll tear you up.

Hank Denson: Do you use a Squatty Potty?

Captain Brien: I had one. I had a Squatty Potty, but I never used it. I only used it twice.

Hank Denson: I fell off of mine–

Captain Brien: I just fell into the commercial, I just love the commercial so much, I was like, I’ll take one.

Hank Denson: I fell off of mine.

Captain Brien: You did?

Hank Denson: Yeah!

Captain Brien: You’re not supposed to sit on the Squatty, you’re supposed to sit on the potty!

Hank Denson: You sit on the toilet and then I didn’t have no toilet paper and I had laid my pants down. And I tried to jump off of it.

Captain Brien: And it tipped?

Hank Denson: And I tipped and I fell.

Captain Brien: Oh, my God.

Hank Denson: My wife was like, what are you doing? I’m like–

Captain Brien: Was it before or after the wipe?

Hank Denson: Yo! My wife was helping me wipe. It’s none of y’all’s business.

Captain Brien: That’s funny.

Hank Denson: Yeah, so–

Captain Brien: You make your coquito, and you make it yourself? You make it yourself?

Hank Denson: Yeah, I make it myself.

Captain Brien: Okay.

Hank Denson: I’ve been making it for 15 years now.

Captain Brien: Okay.

Hank Denson: So it’s a staple in my family, ’cause my cousins are Puerto Rican and my nephews and stuff like that, their mom–

Captain Brien: You’re not Puerto Rican.

Hank Denson: No, but my family–

Captain Brien: So you get a free pass?

Hank Denson: Yeah, you’re right. Well, I know all the foods, the culture I grew up, see, one thing about being, you’re east coast.

Captain Brien: Yeah.

Hank Denson: So one thing about being east coast, you grew up with Jamaicans, Puerto Ricans, Russians, everything. So you take into the culture.

Captain Brien: They gave you a pass.

Hank Denson: I got a pass, I got a pass, man.

Captain Brien: Yeah.

Hank Denson: I got a pass.

Captain Brien: I’m not trying to get one–

Hank Denson: You’re not going to get, no.

Captain Brien: Really?

Hank Denson: Nah, you almost look Puerto Rican, though. Just a little bit darker.

Captain Brien: Yeah.

Hank Denson: Yeah, and then you have to get that different fade.

Captain Brien: Sometimes I use the emojis that aren’t the white guy emojis, I use the next color. And then people, either they’re like, okay, or they’re like, damn, dude, that’s too dark. I’m like, I got a tan that day.

Hank Denson: Nah, dude, man, I’m telling you, brown is where it’s at, man.

Captain Brien: Sometimes.

Hank Denson: Brown is it. That’s why the muscle dudes who work out.

Captain Brien: Yeah.

Hank Denson: They put tanner on.

Captain Brien: Have you ever seen those tanners? The people that do it?

Hank Denson: Oh they spray you in a chamber, yeah? Yeah.

Captain Brien: Oh my God, that’s not even tan, they just literally airbrush you brown.

Hank Denson: It’s actually orange, it’s never really brown. My wife got sprayed for some of it, she was doing a fashion show and she had almost had it on her hands. Like on her palms–

Captain Brien: Oh, yeah, and it stains?

Hank Denson: Yeah, it stains, it looks crazy.

Captain Brien: You gotta do the, you’ve gotta put on this blocker when you do it, like if you get a spray tan, you gotta put on the blocker.

Hank Denson: Oh you have to?

Captain Brien: On the nails, on your hands.

Hank Denson: Oh yeah.

Captain Brien: Yeah.

Hank Denson: Dude, man. Let me ask you something, and I wanted to always ask you this, is why do they call you Captain Brien?

Captain Brien: ‘Cause I’m a US Coast Guard Captain.

Hank Denson: Are you really?

Captain Brien: Yeah, I used to have ten boats at Marco Island.

Hank Denson: Shut up, no! No, are you serious?

Captain Brien: Yeah, dude!

Hank Denson: I can Google this information?

Captain Brien: Yes, Satisfaction Guaranteed Fishing Charters. I started the company in 1998 and I sold it in 2012.

Hank Denson: Really?

Captain Brien: Or 2011. Yeah, dude.

Hank Denson: I did not know, like, ’cause everybody’s like, call him Captain Brien, I’m like, I ain’t seen–

Captain Brien: I’m a real Captain, I’m a real US Coast Guard Captain.

Hank Denson: I haven’t seen that one boat. I’m like, all the years–

Captain Brien: Hey, Jen, up in Boston, what’s going on.

Hank Denson: Oh, yeah, Jen Eppolito, hey, are you part of the Eppolito Pizza people?

Captain Brien: No, but that’s my good friend, the Eppolitos.

Hank Denson: ‘Cause they have Eppolito Pizza in Atlanta and it is good as hell.

Captain Brien: I don’t think so. But I, they’re from Boston, but I think–

Hank Denson: They’re from Boston, where they park the car at Harvard, yo.

Captain Brien: They can probably make some good pizza, I’m sure.

Hank Denson: Yeah, yeah. I’m from Springfield.

Captain Brien: Yeah?

Hank Denson: Springfield, Massachusetts.

Captain Brien: I actually didn’t know that. How did I not know?

Hank Denson: ‘Cause you don’t, you don’t really talk to me a much as you talk to me right here.

Captain Brien: Oh my God.

Hank Denson: Let me let y’all know something about Captain Brien–

Captain Brien: This is the worst–

Hank Denson: Captain Brien has started talking more, he’s been talking to people more and more since he had this thing. Now, before, he would just say, hey, he would take me to get a lobster roll, all right, peace, he don’t even make–

Captain Brien: You got a lobster roll out of me, some guys don’t even.

Hank Denson: ‘Cause you loved it, cause you wanted it.

Captain Brien: You got clam strips, lobster rolls, onion rings.

Hank Denson: I clocked you at–

Captain Brien: Mashed potato whoopie pie.

Hank Denson: Yeah, you did, you did.

Captain Brien: See, dude, don’t be underestimating it.

Hank Denson: Yeah, he did hook me up.

Captain Brien: Playing it off like I didn’t treat him to some nice–

Hank Denson: Now I got–

Captain Brien: Now you’re hooked on that.

Hank Denson: Yeah, now I come down here with my son, I’ve gotta spend a hundred dollars on lobster rolls.

Captain Brien: It is delicious.

Hank Denson: Ahh, it is, man. But I didn’t know you were a real captain.

Captain Brien: Yes.

Hank Denson: I can’t take that, ’cause everybody asked.

Captain Brien: Don’t you read my bio, yes, I’m a real captain, I wrote right on that.

Hank Denson: No, I see you, I just watch you doing your little fake bike rides in the morning. I’m like, he ain’t riding a bike!

Captain Brien: There’s nothing fake about that.

Hank Denson: I was like, why is the background not moving?

Captain Brien: C’mon, now, I do ride it, I ride out on that bike. And you know what? I ride out on the bike, I have a track.

Hank Denson: Okay.

Captain Brien: And at track they have this membership thing where you buy it.

Hank Denson: Uh-huh.

Captain Brien: And they put on new tubes and new tires when you need ’em.

Hank Denson: Oh really?

Captain Brien: And they, yeah, you just pay like a one time fee or something.

Hank Denson: Okay.

Captain Brien: And so, I brought the thing back three times and all three times they’re like, your tires are ready to get replaced. I’m like, there’s nothing left. When do I get my damn free tires?

Hank Denson: So, it’s free? Oh, so they’re waiting for you to bust a tire.

Captain Brien: Basically you need–

Hank Denson: Or flip off the bike.

Captain Brien: You need threads showing out the tire before they give you new tires on that deal.

Hank Denson: See, that’s–

Captain Brien: They don’t tell you that.

Hank Denson: That’s rich people problems.

Captain Brien: Right?

Hank Denson: What I do is just steal somebody else’s bike.

Captain Brien: You just borrow it?

Hank Denson: I just steal somebody else, I just take somebody else’s bike.

Captain Brien: You ever stole a bike?

Hank Denson: Yeah, twice.

Captain Brien: No!

Hank Denson: Yeah.

Captain Brien: What happened?

Hank Denson: Well, outside the candy shop, there’s a candy stop that we used to grow up around, it’s called Knorr’s in Springfield.

Captain Brien: Like, someone’s bike that you didn’t know?

Hank Denson: Yeah and it was, yeah. And the kid left his bike, I knew his brother. I knew his brother couldn’t beat me up, so what I did was, after we got our candy, me and my brother, my cousin didn’t wanna walk back, so we just took his bike.

Captain Brien: And then what, you left it at his house?

Hank Denson: We left it down the street from his house.

Captain Brien: That’s like a nice steal.

Hank Denson: Yeah, and then the other bike we stole, I shouldn’t even be telling y’all this. All right, so I’mma tell y’all this story.

Captain Brien: It’s already past it.

Hank Denson: Don’t incriminate me but I didn’t steal the bike, it was a motorcycle.

Captain Brien: Okay.

Hank Denson: My cousins in Brooklyn, this is what they used to do. They used to get, they used to steal motorcycles.

Captain Brien: A distributor calling me.

Hank Denson: Why do people call when you’re doing live?

Captain Brien: People do, and they’ll text me, oh, you’re live right now?

Hank Denson: So my cousins–

Captain Brien: I’m like, yeah, no.

Hank Denson: Different parts of the- cousins. Used to steal motorcycles. So what they would do is, and one of my cousins, he got in trouble for it. What they would do was, they would get a helmet and they would go downtown and then they would wait for somebody to come out to get on their motorcycle and they would hit him in the head with a helmet and they would take their motorcycle.

Captain Brien: What? That’s thug stealing. That’s real.

Hank Denson: Yep.

Captain Brien: Oh my God.

Hank Denson: That’s why I’m such a nice guy now. I don’t–

Captain Brien: You stopped doing that? Or that wasn’t–

Hank Denson: I was just young, I was young, I was like a teenager, I didn’t know no better.

Captain Brien: Oh my God.

Hank Denson: They used to steal Chinese food from the Chinese food place.

Captain Brien: I don’t think I, I never stole anything.

Hank Denson: You don’t have to.

Captain Brien: No but I just–

Hank Denson: You never had to.

Captain Brien: I didn’t, I just was so worried.

Hank Denson: I know your mom and dad, they look like they’re good providers.

Captain Brien: They’re good, they, yeah.

Hank Denson: My parents were good providers but, I used to get around my cousins, man, they used to just do stuff. Used to make us steal Chinese food, we would order two General Tso’s chicken which was F12s, and they would just tell us, we was like, we’ll go and pick ’em up. And they would put ’em in the–

Captain Brien: And then you–

Hank Denson: They put ’em in the window, waiting for us to pay and my cousin would snatch ’em and run.

Captain Brien: Seriously.

Hank Denson: And I would be like, yo. And I’m just a kid with ’em.

Captain Brien: And you had to go with ’em. Boom. Was it good Chinese food?

Hank Denson: It was excellent, man

Captain Brien: Was it Boston Chinese food or–

Hank Denson: No, New York.

Captain Brien: Ohh.

Hank Denson: So it was real good, no rice and peas, none of that nasty carrots and stuff.

Captain Brien: Yeah, yeah.

Hank Denson: And then we used to camp, summer camp, the same thing. My cousins didn’t want to stay for the day camp. When you stay for the camp, it was done by the church so they would make you pray and do all this stuff.

Captain Brien: Right.

Hank Denson: Cousins didn’t want to do all that so they were like, yo, we’re gonna go get these sandwiches and we’ll get these cookies and the juice, and we’re gonna run. And my–

Captain Brien: You just planned it out.

Hank Denson: And they would go over there and, I didn’t know that they were going to do this, they would just, get your lunch and run, Henry!

Captain Brien: That’s like chew and screw.

Hank Denson: Thing is I had asthma, and I was a sickly kid then. So I was, I wasn’t fast. And it was, I was always scared somebody’s gonna catch me, and, hey, I’m gonna tell. ‘m a snitch.

Captain Brien: Yeah, you’re going right out.

Hank Denson: Oh, I’m telling. I’d rather tell than my mother get a hold of me any day.

Captain Brien: Oh my God

Hank Denson: It is so beautiful here–

Captain Brien: It is that, right?

Hank Denson: I just left Cleveland, I love y’all, Cleveland, but y’all need to turn the heat on.

Captain Brien: And what’s a good food in Cleveland?

Hank Denson: Oh, I had Puerto Rican food.

Captain Brien: Puerto Rican food?

Hank Denson: Yeah, I had–

Captain Brien: There’s a lot of Puerto Ricans?

Hank Denson: Yep. In Lorraine, Cleveland is a whole community.

Captain Brien: Oh.

Hank Denson: Yeah, I had a mofongo, I had some rice.

Captain Brien: What’s a mofongo?

Hank Denson: It’s a, it’s kind of like the corn tortilla and it’s fried and then they put the meat inside it–

Captain Brien: So it’s all healthy.

Hank Denson: Oh, no, none of it’s healthy. None of it, but it’s so good. So good, man.

Captain Brien: I ate Cuban food yesterday.

Hank Denson: Cuban sandwiches are good, the bread was the fattening part.

Captain Brien: Yeah, I didn’t have the pork.

Hank Denson: Okay.

Captain Brien: And–

Hank Denson: You had no choice.

Captain Brien: Rice and black beans.

Hank Denson: Cuban, Cuban food is no fish, ever.

Captain Brien: Yeah.

Hank Denson: It’s pork

Captain Brien: Yeah.

Hank Denson: Yeah, but they had turkey ribs, if you’ve never had turkey ribs.

Captain Brien: I never heard of it.

Hank Denson: Julie, have you had turkey ribs? Turkey ribs in Cleveland are good.

Captain Brien: Hey, Julie! Julie’s from Wakefield, we went to high school.

Hank Denson: Oh, word?

Captain Brien: We went to elementary school. We went to middle school together.

Hank Denson: Did you know how cool he was gonna be?

Captain Brien: Oh my God.

Hank Denson: Huh, did you know he was gonna be this guy? Did you know he was gonna be Captain Brien? Liquor Extraordinaire Club owner? Huh?

Captain Brien: Tell me about the turkey ribs?

Hank Denson: So turkey ribs taste like–

Captain Brien: It’s the actual, that’s just something that people don’t eat so then they made something out of it, right?

Hank Denson: I’m thinking that it’s real. I’m thinking that it’s a real thing, it tastes like turkey, but it had like a smoked, good seasoning to it. So I don’t, and they were like, it looked like they were turkey sized.

Captain Brien: What?

Hank Denson: Yeah, they were like…

Captain Brien: And they, and they were what, they had meat on just one side? Like a real rib?

Hank Denson: They had meat on both sides.

Captain Brien: It wasn’t the rib cage of the turkey.

Hank Denson: It was super light, yeah, it was super light.

Captain Brien: It was the rib cage of the turkey?

Hank Denson: Yeah and it was bones, like a rib, it looked like ribs.

Captain Brien: Okay.

Hank Denson: And it was good, man. I was shocked.

Captain Brien: So that was, you know what that is? That’s what they do is when they take the turkey breast off the bone?

Hank Denson: Uh-huh?

Captain Brien: They throw that away. And someone’s like, yeah, we can do something with that.

Hank Denson: Do they really do that?

Captain Brien: Yeah, that’s when they cut the breast meat off, you just have the rib left there with a little bit of meat in between. But how much meat did they leave on the rib?

Hank Denson: It’s a good amount.

Captain Brien: So they must have made like, take it like a thinner cut on the breast.

Hank Denson: Yeah, they do, it’s dense. It’s dense, it’s not heavy.

Captain Brien: But you saw multiple rib cages?

Hank Denson: Yeah, and I didn’t feel like, you know, that tryptophan, I didn’t have that feeling.

Captain Brien: Oh.

Hank Denson: So, yeah. And I don’t eat turkey. I’m not like a Thanksgiving turkey dude. We do–

Captain Brien: I don’t really like it either.

Hank Denson: We do crab boiling.

Captain Brien: Like a slice.

Hank Denson: We do crab boils.

Captain Brien: Oh you go right all out and no turkey?

Hank Denson: Yeah, we do a crab boil or a lasagna, we go a whole different direction.

Captain Brien: We do–

Hank Denson: Prime rib.

Captain Brien: We do a whole thing. Like, we’ll do salad, tons of appetizers, we’ll do Italian wedding soup, we’ll do lasagna, manicotti, or ravioli.

Hank Denson: Okay.

Captain Brien: Then we’ll do a ham. And then we do turkey.

Hank Denson: That’s a lot of food.

Captain Brien: Yeah, it’s a lot.

Hank Denson: That’s a lot.

Hank Denson: But you guys, it sounds like you guys cook for after Thanksgiving.

Captain Brien: No, we just, I don’t eat leftovers. Ever.

Hank Denson: See?

Captain Brien: I eat no leftovers, ever. I won’t even eat pizza.

Hank Denson: This is my–

Captain Brien: If it’s like a slice–

Hank Denson: This is why he never had to steal Chinese food. He’s never had a leftover.

Captain Brien: I didn’t want Bruce Lee coming after me.

Hank Denson: How do you not ever have a leftover? I don’t eat leftovers!

Captain Brien: It’s just a weird thing. Everybody– My son and daughter don’t eat leftovers.

Hank Denson: They don’t eat it?

Captain Brien: No.

Captain Brien: I won’t even go to the pizza shop and order a slice if it looks like it’s been sitting there too long where they have to heat it up.

Hank Denson: Yeah, I won’t do that either.

Captain Brien: Like, I won’t eat cupcakes, sometimes, if they’re there too long–

Hank Denson: You won’t eat ’em?

Captain Brien: I’m like, that’s too long.

Hank Denson: I mean, there’s nothing wrong with wanting freshness in your life, man. Ain’t nothing wrong with that.

Captain Brien: Yeah.

Hank Denson: Life has an expiration date and your food should, too

Captain Brien: I agree with that.

Hank Denson: That’s good. Only thing you can do in this life–

Captain Brien: I never take a doggy bag. Do you take doggy bags home?

Hank Denson: Nah.

Captain Brien: No.

Hank Denson: Like if somebody get, if I have something left over, I’ll take it but I usually don’t eat it.

Captain Brien: Really.

Hank Denson: You know what I mean, like, I’ll have it, ’cause I don’t want to like, oh, I’m not eating that. So, I don’t want to be wasteful in front of people, but I’ll take it back to the hotel.

Captain Brien: I was talking to someone–

Hank Denson: And just throw it in the trash.

Captain Brien: Yesterday, no, about four days ago. Where they literally said, that if there’s a bite left, if there’s chicken wings–

Hank Denson: They gotta finish it.

Captain Brien: No, they take it home. Like, literally any part that’s not completely consumed–

Hank Denson: So what do they–

Captain Brien: They’ll take the half a baked potato.

Hank Denson: They must’ve lived a hard life.

Captain Brien: Everything, it’s just–

Hank Denson: That’s parents.

Captain Brien: I don’t, yeah.

Hank Denson: Your parents do that to you. Like, now I realize that I stopped forcing my son to finish all his food. Clean that plate, finish that! ‘Cause he’s actually full. And you’re forcing your kids to be obese.

Captain Brien: Yeah, you don’t have to do that.

Hank Denson: You don’t have to do that, and I cut his portions. My son can eat two Chipotle burritos like it ain’t nothing. Boom.

Captain Brien: But at that age, he can. Like, I could eat two huge Philly cheesesteaks at this place called Super Subs and they were like, two pound subs. And the guy-

Hank Denson: You mean now?

Captain Brien: No, not now. But back then I could. Now if I try to be forceful.

Hank Denson: Yeah.

Captain Brien: Yeah, but back when I was in college, playing baseball, man I could eat, dude.

Hank Denson: You played college baseball?

Captain Brien: Yeah, I played baseball in college.

Hank Denson: What haven’t you done, man?

Captain Brien: I don’t know, I don’t know.

Hank Denson: Dude, you’re all–

Captain Brien: Look at the lighting, look at my lighting guy just made–

Hank Denson: Dude, the crazy thing about this guy, this is the most I’ve, man, I’mma share this and then I’mma put at the top of the caption, the stuff about Brien that you never knew. I did not know that you played baseball.

Captain Brien: You didn’t know that?

Hank Denson: No, what college?

Captain Brien: Endicott College, I played down in Emory.

Hank Denson: Really?

Captain Brien: Yeah, I played every four years, we played against Emory, a bunch of times, down in–

Hank Denson: Get outta here.

Captain Brien: We used to travel to Atlanta, Georgia, from 1994 to ’98 every March for about ten days.

Hank Denson: Are you serous?

Captain Brien: Yeah, played all through the Oglethorpe, right?

Hank Denson: Really? What position did you play?

Captain Brien: I was a pitcher.

Hank Denson: You pitched?

Captain Brien: I pitched at Endicott, yeah. And then–

Hank Denson: Can I Google this?

Captain Brien: You can Google it of course, absolutely, yeah. No doubt, no doubt. Guys, this is the Captain’s Log, while he’s Googling, I’m going to wrap it up. We’re done. Don’t miss Hank Denson’s Pay Teachers More Money Tour, all around the country, yeah?

Hank Denson: Yeah, all around the country, it’s called–

Captain Brien: At Off the Hook Comedy Club tonight.

Hank Denson: Teacher Relief Live, tonight. Hank Denson, Pay Teachers More Money, why, ’cause kids matter, ’cause teachers matter, too. And we need to take care of ’em. And this dude is awesome, the book is open, I’ve gotta find out.

Captain Brien: We’re gonna have some fun. Be good, guys, thanks

Episode 217: The Captain’s Log with Dr. Daller and Captain Brien!

On this episodes of the #captainslog, Dr. Daller joins Captain Brien again! Dr. Daller is here to tell us all about intermittent fasting! Dr. Daller and Captain Brien discuss who should and should not be doing intermittent fasting, how to eliminate gut fat quickly, and how intermittent fasting can even help you remember better! If you have ever wondered about intermittent fasting, tune into this podcast to have your questions answered!

Dr. Daller will be joining Captain Brien EVERY Tuesday at 2:30 on the Captains Log to answer any questions you may have! Make sure you tune in and comment with your questions!

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The captain’s log is officially sponsored by Captain Brien Spirits maker of Captain Brien Sugar Free Vodka and Barrel Aged Dark Rum both are gluten free also!

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Miss something on one of our episodes of the #naplescaptainslog? Don’t worry we got you covered! Here you will find a full transcript from this episode of the #naplescaptainslog!

Captain Brien: Welcome back, guys, to Captain’s Log! Dr Daller, thanks for joining me, buddy.

Dr. Daller: I’m doing fantastic, how are you, buddy?

Captain Brien: I’m good, we’re gonna take a ride, let’s do it.

Dr. Daller: Absolutely.

Captain Brien: You gotta tell me about intermittent fasting.

Dr. Daller: Intermittent fasting, so so many patients, so many people, ask about intermittent fasting. They say, first of all for disclaimer, I did not invent intermittent fasting. A lot of people associating that with you. Not with me, not at all.

Captain Brien: You’re a fan of it, though?

Dr. Daller: I am big time, fan of that.

Captain Brien: Yeah.

Dr. Daller: I have been intermittent fasting for 12 years and I’m a believer. And I guarantee people, which I don’t like to use the term guarantee in medicine, I guarantee people you are going to lose your belly fat, you’re going to lose part of your body that you don’t like from intermittent fasting. So first of all intermittent fasting has been around, Brien, for about 35 to 4,000 years. 4,000 years, biblical time, people–

Captain Brien: 4,000?

Dr. Daller: Of course! In biblical times, people used to have one meal a day at dinnertime if they were lucky. On a good day they had one meal a day. And that was very, very good for them. They never had, you know, for breakfast milk with cereal and they didn’t have all the junk that we have and they didn’t have protein bars.

Captain Brien: Okay, so I’m gonna interrupt you because people always say, “Oh you have to have four meals. “You have to eat as soon as you’re hungry. “Your body’s gonna store fat.” Tell me what–

Dr. Daller: Okay, first of all–

Captain Brien: Why is everyone making the change now to fasting?

Dr. Daller: It’s a myth and a folk lore. What do I mean by that? You know, every mother is tell to the kids, you know, you have to have breakfast and you are sure that you eat all the time and you should not keep your sugar low and you should do that. And it’s true, for kids that are growing they should eat all the time and they should definitely have breakfast and they should eat as much as they can. Why, because they are growing.

Captain Brien: Right

Dr. Daller: But Brien, you are growing out, you are not growing up.

Captain Brien: ‘Course.

Dr. Daller: So for kids, absolutely, their mother is right. They should have all the things that we talked about they should do, they should have breakfast, they should not do intermittent fasting and everything else.

Captain Brien: Okay, but when they say that your body stores the fat if you are hungry–

Dr. Daller: No, no.

Captain Brien: What happened, they used to say that?

Dr. Daller:  I know, I know, I remember.

Captain Brien: So that’s why they used to say, used to eat a lot.

Dr. Daller: I remember when they were talking about, you know, keep your blood sugar at the same level–

Captain Brien: Right!

Dr. Daller: Because if you are going to hunger your body is going to go to an emergency–

Captain Brien: Right!

Dr. Daller: And store fat.

Captain Brien: That’s exactly right!

Dr. Daller: I remember that. So all the research, every research from Johns Hopkins to Mayo Clinic to everywhere to Mass General shows that that’s not true. First of all, there are two hormones that we are going to talk about today. One, it’s called insulin, the other one is called human growth hormone. So insulin is the hormone that when you eat something it tells the body to start storing stuff. For example, storing fat, it makes your body store glycogen in your liver and after the liver is full of glycogen it will go into fat. So when you are starving yourself this goes into reverse. So insulin is going to go down as a result of that you’re going to utilize your glycogen in your liver. In your liver you have about 11 hours, and that’s important. Remember that number, 11 hours of storage, of energy that you have in your liver that you can use. After that you’re going to use fat. So, for example, why is it so important to exercise high-intensity exercise? Because you are going to use that glycogen faster and all of a sudden you are going into burning into fat.

Captain Brien: So I like to eat at dinner.

Dr. Daller: Yeah.

Captain Brien: And then, a lot of times I’ll have my coffee and go all the way ’til like 2 o’clock. But, sometimes if I got to the gym, I feel like, oh man, I feel like I’m starving.

Dr. Daller: Right.

Captain Brien: Is it okay to hit the gym during that time?

Dr. Daller: Absolutely, absolutely. I love in your head, right, it’s in your head to say–

Captain Brien: That’s what it always is!

Dr. Daller: You know, I’m going to the gym, you know, I want to, either after the gym or before the gym, “Oh, I’m going to the gym, “I’m going to use a lot of energy.” How much energy do you use at the gym? 250 calories on a good day, 300 calories if you kill yourself. It’s not a lot, you have plenty of reserve–

Captain Brien: My watch says five, six hundred.

Dr. Daller: I don’t believe that watch. So, I mean, you really have to kill yourself for six, seven hundred which people do. I mean, you can do 700, you can do, in one hour 700 calories. Still, in your liver you have more than you need to use that, you have plenty of reserve. So, you should–

Captain Brien: So don’t worry, if you’re hungry you could still work out?

Dr. Daller: Absolutely, absolutely, and again, that hunger is in your head, you can definitely–

Captain Brien: You gotta overcome it.

Dr. Daller: You can fast for, I believe in fasting for 16 good hours. So 16 hours of fasting, eight hours of eating. So during the night, it’s very easy to do. During the night, Brien, you don’t eat anyways, right? So you have six, seven, eight hours that you don’t eat. And then you wake up in the morning and the first thing you think about, “Well, I should eat something.” Why you should eat something? You’re not even hungry, it’s in your head that you need to eat something. Now, if you don’t eat something and now, eight hours, plus another four, five hours, now you are done with your glycogen storage, you are done with your glycogen storage and you start burning fat. And you burn fat and you lose that gut, the fat in your visceral, visceral fat is the fat around your liver, around your stomach, inside your belly. It’s like an organ by itself that visceral fat. And that’s very, very important to do to lose that gut fat.

Captain Brien: And that happens after how many hours?

Dr. Daller: So that happens, it depends if you exercise or you don’t exercise. If you exercise, which I encourage people do do, high-intensity exercise, that can happen after 10 hours. But if you wait for 16 hours, all this time is fat burning. It’s clean fuel that you’re using. You’re burning fat, you’re burning fat, you’re burning fat. Now it’s important, again, we talked about insulin and we talked about human growth hormone. Human growth hormone is the hormone, it’s an anabolic hormone and it occurs only when you don’t have food in the system when you don’t have that glycogen. At nighttime HGH goes up. Now if you start eating, the moment you eat HGH goes down, human growth hormone goes down. As a result of that you don’t have, human growth hormone help you burn the fat, help you build muscle et cetera. So these are the two hormones that are very important. Insulin and human growth hormone that are essential, essential in intermittent fasting. So I read several articles, one article that I want to talk about is from Johns Hopkins. And this article shows that patients that did, if I remember it was about rats and other animals that they did studies on, to see if intermittent fasting is going to help them with dementia and Alzheimer. And they show on the rat model that intermittent fasting is going to make you remember things better. So, whether you’re going to be in a maze or whatever, wherever you’re going be or going to do it even better.

Captain Brien: You’re sharper?

Dr. Daller: You are sharper. And I know that for myself, when you know, when you eat something, you know, with a lot of sugar and everything you have that sugar high and then a low. When you are, when I’m fasting I don’t eat until 12.30 probably, everyday.

Captain Brien: When you’re fasting can you still have coffee?

Dr. Daller: I have coffee, I have black coffee.

Captain Brien: Okay, but no sugar?

Dr. Daller: No sugar, very important.

Captain Brien: What about almond milk in your coffee?

Dr. Daller: Again, a little bit, later on after you feel better with yourself, you clean the fat, you can have a little bit almond milk.

Captain Brien: But otherwise the whole time fasting no sugar, nothing, just water?

Dr. Daller: As much as you want water, unlimited water.

Captain Brien: For me, you could give me a whole list of water. I’d believe it!

Dr. Daller: As much as you like, all different kinds of water! Kinds of water.

Captain Brien: Wow, how generous.

Dr. Daller: So whatever you want, water. And you know, again, I guarantee people the intermittent fasting is going to work for you. It worked for me, it worked for all my patients. I mean, probably by now we’re about 4,500 patients that we did that. One guy lost 160 pounds in two years, he was doing intermittent fasting.

Captain Brien: Changing nothing else?

Dr. Daller: Nothing else.

Captain Brien: You’re kidding me.

Dr. Daller: I mean, when I say nothing else, he ate healthy in between.

Captain Brien: Right, right.

Dr. Daller: He didn’t go to McDonald’s, Taco Bell or fast food. He didn’t use processed food, he didn’t have, you know, refined sugar, he didn’t have danishes. He did intermittent fasting–

Captain Brien: What about cheesecake?

Dr. Daller: No.

Captain Brien: Did he have cheesecake?

Dr. Daller: No cheesecake, Brien, absolutely no cheesecake.

Captain Brien: No cheesecake.

Dr. Daller: No cheesecake. But again, again I don’t want to sound like the crazy doctor. From time to time you have to live a life.

Captain Brien: Yeah.

Dr. Daller: You have to enjoy life. If a spoonful, of I don’t know what, makes you happy, whether it’s an ice-cream sundae or cheesecake, do it! I mean, if that’s what make you happy, do it. But the whole idea is the majority of the time you are not going to do stuff like that because you are going to enjoy an apple. When you take a bite of an apple it’s delicious.

Captain Brien: You get all the nutrients.

Dr. Daller: An apple a day will keep the doctor away. I believe in that, I mean, all the fiber, everything that’s good for you–

Captain Brien: So wait, now, here’s another thing I have a question about. So, during the fasting, can I do the apple cider vinegar?

Dr. Daller: Yes, because it’s water and apple cider and a tablespoon full of apple cider vinegar, absolutely. It will make you feel full, it’s going to help your metabolism, I do that. So I have apple cider vinegar in the morning and at night. A glass full six to eight ounces of water with a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar. I mix it, I drink it, you know it’s acquired taste. Most people say it’s disguising.

Captain Brien: Can be, right.

Dr. Daller: But you know what, everything in life that we learn that tastes good we, just somebody told us it tastes good. You know, when you had that spoon of something else–

Captain Brien: Oh really?

Dr. Daller: Your mother told you–

Captain Brien: Do you tell your taste buds it’s healthy?

Dr. Daller: Yes, because it’s natural–

Captain Brien: Yeah, you like that, it’s good!

Dr. Daller: I mean why–

Captain Brien: Goes on good!

Dr. Daller: I mean why, we learn how to eat stuff that is cooked and then we learn how to eat stuff that is sweet and then we learn how to eat… Because, no, as a child we are learning stuff that we’ll say, “Well, I don’t like okra, “and I do like this.” “Why you don’t like okra? “Who said you don’t like okra?” I mean, it’s like somebody, oh you know, you looked at your brother and you say, “Oh, my brother said it’s disgusting. So I heard it’s disgusting.”

Captain Brien: He doesn’t like the texture.

Dr. Daller: I don’t like the texture, I don’t like the feel, how it feels when it’s in my mouth. So again, going back that study from Johns Hopkins about memory, because again, things that scare people it’s dementia and Alzheimer and things like that.

Captain Brien: Right.

Dr. Daller: Because we are looking at, we want to live a healthy life. And you know, I always say healthcare is a big business. They are not in the business of keeping you healthy because there is business in disease. There’s no money in health.

Captain Brien: That’s right, there’s no money in sick, in not going to the doctor.

Dr. Daller: There’s no, in not going to the doctor. So you have to take care on your own. You have to understand that, you know what, I don’t want to have dementia, I don’t want to have Alzheimer, I don’t want to take any of the Aricept or any pills for dementia or Alzheimer. I want to do whatever it takes. So what does it take? It take intermittent fasting, it takes exercise, it takes health living. Exercise is key for dementia and Alzheimer.

Captain Brien: What about CoQ10?

Dr. Daller: No, really, no good study shows that the other supplements that we are taking are any beneficial. But starvation, when we say the 16 hours of quote-unquote starvation, even though, again, years after years, for thousands of years we never had breakfast. Years after years we didn’t have processed food and we did very well. People were lean and, you know, they looked fantastic. And now we have processed food and everybody is eating all the time and let’s grab some more food, and let’s grab more food and let’s grab more food. So again, I have nothing wrong with going to a restaurant, having a nice dinner. It’s a social event, absolutely enjoy your food. Go, have a good food. Enjoy good seafood, enjoy good fish, enjoy good oysters whatever you would like to do, but again, the rest of the day, you know, skip that cereal with milk. Skip that, it’s not good for you.

Captain Brien: What do you do when the people say, “I’m so hungry, “I can’t concentrate, I can’t do it.” How long can they fast for?

Dr. Daller: So I don’t recommend starting with 16 hours. I recommend starting with, slowly, you know. Instead of you normally have breakfast at seven, now move it to eight and then move it to nine o’clock and ten o’clock and eleven o’clock and then noontime and all of a sudden you’re not even hungry at noontime. And you realize that, you know what, I’m really not hungry.

Captain Brien: Yeah.

Dr. Daller: And, Brien, trust me it’s wonderful. It’s wonderful for your body, it’s wonderful to get rid of the belly fat, it’s wonderful for most diseases such as diabetes and everything else, coronary artery disease. And, again, Alzheimer and dementia and other, I mean, now they’re working on Parkinson disease and other neurological diseases. Some people say, “How do you explain that?” so I always look, you know, anything I say in biology I need to have an explanation. So just think about it, 5,000 years ago, 3,000 years ago, when you were hungry, or you are an animal and you are hungry your brain has to be sharp to find food. You cannot say you know what, I’m going to become, you know, I’m not going to be–

Captain Brien: It’s this your theory or is this real?

Dr. Daller: This is my theory. Completely my theory, but I need to explain to myself–

Captain Brien: I like it, it’s a good idea!

Dr. Daller: I need to explain to myself, I’m saying, okay, you know thousands of years ago when we hunt–

Captain Brien: ‘Cause you gotta be a sharp hunter.

Dr. Daller: I have to be sharper hunter when I’m hungry. When I’m not hungry, when I’m sitting down I already have my food in my mouth, you’re not that sharp. But when you are hungry, same with animals, when they are hungry they become sharp, they have a strategy, how to attack the other animal, how to get the food, what to do to get to the water source, what to get to that food source.

Captain Brien: I like that idea. So when you–

Dr. Daller: I like the fact that you caught that it wasn’t based on science. It was based on my true beliefs.

Captain Brien: You sounded, it sounded legit as hell.

Dr. Daller: Sounded legit.

Captain Brien: I would say, this is a good idea.

Dr. Daller: That reality, no.

Captain Brien: We should–

Dr. Daller: It’s my theory completely, completely my theory.

Captain Brien: We could write a whole thesis on it.

Dr. Daller: Completely.

Captain Brien: Yeah. So what happens when you break the, you break the fast?

Dr. Daller: Sure.

Captain Brien: Should you be bummed out and not do it anymore?

Dr. Daller: No, no, no, no.

Captain Brien: Then you start it right back up? ‘Cause people want to do this.

Dr. Daller: Absolutely, so every day I do that and every day I break the fast, again, break fast, I break the fast around 12/12.30, I have my food. You know I try to eat healthy food. From time to time I cheat a little bit and I will have some dessert or whatever it is. No big deal, not the end of the world, live a life a little bit. And the next day it’s another day. And you know, this is a lifetime–

Captain Brien: What happens if one day you fast, you stop eating at 7 o’clock at night, you start eating the next day at 10 o’clock?

Dr. Daller: Sure.

Captain Brien: That’s.

Dr. Daller: And that’s, you know–

Captain Brien: It’s not set every day?

Dr. Daller: No, and you know what–

Captain Brien: You just try to go as long as possible?

Dr. Daller: No.

Captain Brien: What do you do?

Dr. Daller: I try to do 16 hours.

Captain Brien: 16 hours?

Dr. Daller: 16 hours. Sometime it’s 17 hours that I go fasting, sometimes 16–

Captain Brien: But what’s the breaking point? After 12 hours you starting burning?

Dr. Daller: You start burning. But the best, if you really want to burn, you know you want to shred, 16 hours ideal. Again, Brien, sometimes we have friends over for brunch, and you know, I start eating at 11. Not the end of the world, we are not fanatic here. We are just giving advice about–

Captain Brien: So do you stop eating then again, start again, or should you just eat your normal day and then–

Dr. Daller: No, I would start having my brunch at 11 and I will have, you know, in my Bloody Mary with Captain Brien vodka, you know it’s delicious–

Captain Brien: Very good, very good.

Dr. Daller: Absolutely, it’s nutritious.

Captain Brien: It is, it’s sugar-free, gluten-free, all organic, all natural, did you know that?

Dr. Daller: And a good mixture for the Bloody Mary, of course, and all the vegetables inside, right?

Captain Brien: Yeah.

Dr. Daller: So you feel like you have a garden variety there. And then we’re going to have whatever we have for the brunch. But I may stop eating at 7pm instead of 8pm that day.

Captain Brien: But what happens if you break it, say you planned on fasting that day and you wake up and you just, without even thinking, you go and get coffee and a fricken’ Egg McMuffin? And all of a sudden, like, it’s the morning. Do you stop eating now again until maybe like, try to go during the day? Or no, it’s too hard during the day?

Dr. Daller: I think you ruined it with the Egg McMuffin.

Captain Brien: Done, right, done?

Dr. Daller: It’s done. So, you know what, and you know in medicine we say, “From time to time shit happens.” And shit happens, you know, from time to time you have, you’re in an airport and there’s nothing else to eat besides McDonald, whatever it is, so you do it.

Captain Brien: That’s very scientific.

Dr. Daller: Very scientific.

Captain Brien: Shit happens.

Dr. Daller: Shit happens. So I’m sure there’s a study about shit happens. So, from time to time, shit happens and you move on and you continue. The next day is another day, not the end of the world. We are not fanatic here. Human beings survived and animals survived, who survived? The one that were malleable, the one that were able to adjust. The one that were strict and were not able to adjust they don’t survive, so you know–

Captain Brien: How many days can you be successful? Can you fast for four days a week if you do 12 to 16-hour fasting? Or what?

Dr. Daller: I fast every day, every day I fast for 16 hours. But you can do it five/six days a week and the rest you don’t. But again, I want it to be a lifestyle of people that they are going to say, “You know what, “that’s very doable, I can do this.” The reason diet is such a big–

Captain Brien: A breakfast, we’re not sponsored apparently by any breakfast restaurants.

Dr. Daller: No, the Denny’s don’t like us at all.

Captain Brien: We are not sponsored by IHOP, apparently.

Dr. Daller: IHOP for sure, they don’t like us. But again, it has to be a lifestyle. It has to be something that you are going to understand and it makes sense to you and you can do it. The reason, you know the diet industry is huge in America because people gain weight and lose weight and lose weight and gain weight and everybody writes a book how to do it. And then everybody is selling you food. You cannot buy that, that food you should buy at Publix, at Whole Food, at Fresh Market, wherever you buy. Walmart, wherever you buy your food.

Captain Brien: So you shouldn’t eat Lean Cuisines all day?

Dr. Daller: You should not, absolutely not, because again–

Captain Brien: Or Jenny Craig?

Dr. Daller: It will never work.

Captain Brien: It doesn’t.

Dr. Daller: It’ll work for the short term.

Captain Brien: No way.

Dr. Daller: Short term it always works. When you cut your calories it will work. But again, what’s going to happen? You’re going to go back to pizza, that will never work. And again, I have nothing against pizza. I want people to understand that. From time to time, you know, this weekend we went to, in Naples we went to True Food Kitchen.

Captain Brien: Oh yeah, I know.

Dr. Daller: And we had a pizza, it was delicious. But we order one pizza and we were four people and each one of us had a slice and and a half and it was fantastic.

Captain Brien: And then the server came and said, “Hey, are you gonna pick and spend some money, what, what’s going on? Jesus, what can I get you, four waters split three ways?

Dr. Daller: I know!

Captain Brien: Poor guy, oh my God!

Dr. Daller: No, we had other food too.

Captain Brien: Okay.

Dr. Daller: That was very close.

Captain Brien: Phew!

Dr. Daller: We didn’t just come four people.

Captain Brien: Jeez!

Dr. Daller: Oh, that’s funny.

Captain Brien: Did you tell ’em, “I’m dining, thank you, we’re fasting!” And the guy looks at you and says, “What’d you come “to my restaurant for, you son of a bitch?”

Dr. Daller: Fasting time!

Captain Brien: Jeez! Nah, that’s the greatest, when you have somebody come on as, “Today, I’m on the Atkin’s diet.” “Oh, you’re gonna eat 12 pounds of meat in my house?” “Oh, okay, let me cook two pounds “of bacon extra for breakfast.” Tomorrow, you’re not on that diet but today you’re on that diet. Drives me crazy. I’ve got a guy coming up against, coming up behind me with lights on, let me let him go.

Dr. Daller: Oh, it’s a–

Captain Brien: It’s a, like an ambulance, yeah.

Dr. Daller: Ambulance, ambulance, all right. Somebody was not doing intermittent fasting.

Captain Brien: Yeah, that’s what happens–

Dr. Daller: That’s what happens! That’s what happens when you don’t–

Captain Brien: That’s what happens, right away.

Dr. Daller: Do intermittent fasting, there’s an ambulance behind you.

Captain Brien: So with the intermittent fasting you do a lotta water?

Dr. Daller: Plenty of water, water is extremely important. Nobody drinks enough water, I don’t drink enough water. I try to push water and water and water.

Captain Brien: Yeah, I’m the same.

Dr. Daller: So what do I do in order to drink a little bit more water? I cut some slice of lime or lemon or orange or tangerine in my water, or put mint in my water to give it a little hint, a little flavor, so it will feel like I want to drink more.

Captain Brien: I just saw this, supposedly the Olympic athletes are doing it, where you, it’s a powder that you add to your water, and it makes you retain three times the amount of water that you would normally. Have you heard about this?

Dr. Daller: No, I mean–

Captain Brien: We should look into it.

Dr. Daller: We should look into that.

Captain Brien: So it’s something that, so for every glass of water that you drink it’s as healthy as drinking three glasses of water?

Dr. Daller: Let’s look into it.

Captain Brien: We need to find out.

Dr. Daller: And then we get back to the audience next week.

Captain Brien: Okay, we’ll talk about it.

Dr. Daller: Absolutely.

Captain Brien: Yeah.

Dr. Daller: That sounds interesting even though I don’t believe all the chemicals, I don’t like chemicals, but we’ll see. Maybe it’s good chemicals?

Captain Brien: Maybe it’s good stuff?

Dr. Daller: You never know. It’s good stuff, made in China stuff, you know.

Captain Brien: Oh, well guys.

Dr. Daller: Chinese chemicals.

Captain Brien: I hope you learned a little bit about the Captain, on the Captain’s log today. Dr Daller’s a big fan of the fasting. I’m a big fan of the fasting and now I’m just gonna have to do more. I can’t eat a pizza tonight, that’s all, no pizza. No pizza for you either, doctor. Don’t go to True Food and get ten people one pizza. It’s not gonna work. The poor guy can’t make any money, the server.

Dr. Daller: I know, I know.

Captain Brien: You gotta–

Dr. Daller: We left on a good thing, very good thing.

Captain Brien: Okay I believe it, I believe it everything. Thanks buddy.

Dr. Daller: Thank you so much.

Captain Brien: We’re good, we’re good. Have a good day guys, we’ll see you tomorrow.

Dr. Daller: Bye bye.

Captain Brien: We’re live, Hank Denson. Pay Teachers More Money comedy tour, Hank Denson’s live with you tomorrow on the channel.

Valentine’s Day Special: Captain Brien joins The Man Panel!

On this special  Valentine’s Day podcast, Captain Brien joins The Man Panel on B103.9! The Man Panel is taking callers questions regarding Valentine’s Day and relationship advice! Tune into hear the Captain’s Advice when it comes to Valentines Day, relationships, dating and love!

Siri can now help you listen to your favorite podcasts! Say things like “play The Captains Log” or “play my newest podcasts.” You can also ask Siri about the podcast that is currently playing and request to be subscribed! Just tell Siri “subscribe to this show!”

Watch Full Video —————>

Funny jokes and notes from a day and the life Off the hook Comedy Club. Off the hook comedy club post on twitter daily follow us #captainslog for the latest info.

The captain’s log is officially sponsored by Captain Brien Spirits maker of Captain Brien Sugar Free Vodka and Barrel Aged Dark Rum both are gluten free also!


Epsiode 216 The Captain’s Log with Comedian Pat Godwin and Captain Brien!

Comedian Pat Godwin joins the Captain as he sings us some hilarious tunes about Jimmy Buffet retirement communities and Off The Hook Comedy Club. They also discuss how Pat Godwin got his beginning as a comedian!

Tune into hear these hilarious songs!

Siri can now help you listen to your favorite podcasts! Say things like “play The Captains Log” or “play my newest podcasts.” You can also ask Siri about the podcast that is currently playing and request to be subscribed! Just tell Siri “subscribe to this show!”

Watch Full Video —————>

Funny jokes and notes from a day and the life Off the hook Comedy Club. Off the hook comedy club post on twitter daily follow us #captainslog for the latest info.

The captain’s log is officially sponsored by Captain Brien Spirits maker of Captain Brien Sugar Free Vodka and Barrel Aged Dark Rum both are gluten free also!

Check Comedian Pat Godwin out and show him some love at:

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Miss something on one of our episodes of the #naplescaptainslog? Don’t worry we got you covered! Here you will find a full transcript from this episode of the #naplescaptainslog!

Pat Godwin:  ♪ Off the Hook, ♪ ♪ Brien and his dad are pretty good cooks, at Off The Hook. ♪ ♪ Oh, Off The Hook Comedy Club ♪ ♪ gonna be there all week, til Friday, havin’ fun. ♪ ♪ Naples, Florida come on down, ♪ ♪ fly down, drive over, swim over, Off the Hook. ♪ ♪ It’s off the chain, Off the Hook. ♪ ♪ ‘Cause there’s a lot of fishing going on, ♪ ♪ that’s why it’s called off the hook. ♪ We’re gonna have fun, right?

Captain Brien:  We are gonna have a good time man, we’re live. This is the Captain’s Log, comedian Pat Godwin. First time anyone’s jammed on the guitar on the captain’s log, buddy.

Pat Godwin: Right? It’s fun.

Captain Brien:  It really is, it’s a good time, and I’m gonna just share this now on your page so people see you. And you’re gonna be live. This is the first time you did that!

Pat Godwin: Yeah, that’s pretty cool.

Captain Brien: Thank you.

Pat Godwin: He’s, Brien is teaching me a lot of new things today.

Captain Brien: I’m gonna get you back into the–

Pat Godwin: I’m kind of old school.

Captain Brien: Into the new age, bro. Into the new age, we’re doin’ it. So we’re headin’ out. We just left 105.5 The Beat.

Pat Godwin: That was fun, those guys are great.

Captain Brien: I wanna hear… play me a tune.

Pat Godwin: You wanna hear the Buffet thing?

Captain Brien: Yeah, let’s hear the Buffet thing. We’re in Florida and it’s raining, so bring out the sun.

Pat Godwin: This is a perfect song for Florida, Jimmy Buffet started these retirement homes called Margaritaville, so this thing just kinda writes itself. ♪ Gettin’ a sponge bath, from one of the cute staff, ♪ ♪ all of us covered in lidocaine. ♪ ♪ Plugged in my CPAP, takin’ a long nap ♪ ♪ Brien, check out my leg, there’s a new spider vein. ♪

Captain Brien: We’re jammin’!

Pat Godwin: ♪ Spendin’ my golden years in ♪ ♪ Margaritaville Retirement Home. ♪ ♪ Searchin’ for my lost Epsom salt. ♪ Salt! Salt! Salt! ♪ Some people claim that it’s my memory to blame, ♪ ♪ But I don’t know. ♪ I, where was I? ♪ Fell off my scooter, chasin’ old Cooter ♪ ♪ Broke my hip, now it hurts to the bone. ♪ ♪ But there’s pills in the grinder ♪ ♪ And my nurse, I’ll remind her ♪ ♪ for that numbing concoction that helps me hang on. ♪ ♪ Hydrocodone, spendin’ my golden years in Margaritaville ♪ ♪ Retirement Home, searchin’ for my lost Epsom salts. ♪ Sing it! Salt! [Duo] – Salt, salt!

Pat Godwin: ♪ My family claims that it’s my, ♪ ♪ my family claims that it’s my, ♪ ♪ family claims that it’s my memory to blame, ♪ ♪ But I don’t know, I think I just pooped myself. ♪ Little bit of Margaritaville Retirement Home in the car, this is fun.

Captain Brien: That’s amazing. So, most people like to play the radio, me, I just bring the musicians

Pat Godwin: You hire a guy to come down.

Captain Brien: Yeah, keep em busy.

Pat Godwin: You fly em in the day before Hang out with me, just play music for me.

Captain Brien: I don’t wanna just drive around normally, you know, it’s boring.

Captain Brien: I like to put the whole concert in the car. So, tell me, this is, what, your second or third time we’ve had you down at the club?

Pat Godwin: Second time.

Captain Brien: Second time at the club.

Pat Godwin: Yeah, but we know each other because we worked together when you were involved with the improv up in Louisville.

Captain Brien: Yep, yep.

Pat Godwin: So you and I have known of each other for a while.

Captain Brien: That’s right, that’s right and you do the Bob and Tom show.

Pat Godwin: Yeah, I’m actually a member of the Bob and Tom show now, I got hired in January, so I get health insurance, and–

Captain Brien: I don’t have any health insurance for you, man. Good thing they do.

Pat Godwin: Right right? And we’re heard in like 150 markets, and they used to be down here in the Fort Myers area, and they’re gonna be soon, so maybe the next time I come down, we can really pack it out, so—

Captain Brien: Exciting, exciting.

Pat Godwin: But we’re having a really good time, it’s a great week. Valentine’s day is gonna be a lot of fun, cause I’m a very bitter guy on stage, in a funny way about–

Captain Brien: And you bring the love, though, you’re bringing the love.

Pat Godwin: I do, I love love. I’m very angry that I’m not with my wife anymore. That was a wonderful time. I mean, I am a huge fan of love.

Captain Brien: So–

Pat Godwin: And you too, you’re a huge fan of love.

Captain Brien: And you have some children.

Pat Godwin: I do, I have an eight-year-old, and I adopted my daughter, who’s now eighteen, and you’ve been going through some kind of, You’ve been doing a little bit of–

Captain Brien: Yeah, yeah, I did, I went through the divorce thing.

Pat Godwin: You know what defines the relationship? What was your wedding song? Because you were on the cruise ship.

Captain Brien: God, maybe that’s why I divorced, I can’t even remember.

Pat Godwin: My wedding song was “Highway to Hell” by ACDC.

Captain Brien: Oh, and there you go, so yeah.

Pat Godwin: No, my wedding song was actually Eric Clapton’s “Wonderful Tonight.” Do you remember yours?

Captain Brien: I don’t, I’m legitimately telling you, I cannot remember.

Pat Godwin: I’ll do a piece of my wedding song for you.

Captain Brien:- Okay, let’s hear it.

Pat Godwin: Now, Eric Clapton wrote this song, it’s a beautiful song, melodically. Lyrically, it’s a lie, it starts off fine, should have been changed. Here’s how it should’ve gone. ♪ It’s late in the evening, just wonderin’ ♪ ♪ what clothes to wear, just wonderin’ what clothes to wear ♪ ♪ She puts on her makeup, brushes her long blonde hair. ♪ ♪ And then she asks me, “Do I look alright?” ♪ ♪ And I said, “Hurry up!” ♪

Captain Brien: Yeah, you can’t!

Pat Godwin: ♪ You look fine, we’re supposed to be there at nine. ♪ We’re gonna have the guitar all week on stage, too, so you come by, it’ll be a very interactive show. I talk to you a little bit, don’t be nervous, no harm will come to you. It’s not like a heckle kind of a goofy thing. We have a really good time. We’re a very interactive show, and your club is phenomenal ’cause they’ve got low ceilings, it’s a very warm environment.

Captain Brien: So, when–

Pat Godwin: I’m looking forward to it.

Captain Brien: When she is late,

Pat Godwin: Yes sir?

Captain Brien: aren’t you supposed to say hurry up?

Pat Godwin: Yeah.

Captain Brien: Yeah, you are, right?

Pat Godwin: Absolutely

Captain Brien: I think that’s normal, I think it’s like, come on, we gotta go!

Pat Godwin: We gotta go, we have places to be.

Captain Brien: You wonder why we’re both…

Pat Godwin:- Does this dress make my butt look big? No, your butt makes your butt look big! Get in the car!

Captain Brien: That’s not the right answer either. I don’t have the right answers.

Pat Godwin: No, that’s not the right answer, obviously. Sittin’ here divorced. I’ve been divorced twice.

Captain Brien: Same.

Pat Godwin: Four years is my record, beating my old record of eight months back in 1996. I wish that was a joke, absolute truth.

Captain Brien: And you’re from where, originally?

Pat Godwin: Philadelphia area.

Captain Brien: Oh, Philly?

Pat Godwin: Yeah, I did music there for 10 years, had a couple albums out, and then the comedian Todd Glass got me involved in my first open mic.

Captain Brien: I know Todd, yeah.

Pat Godwin: My first open mic Todd Glass drug me to the, he didn’t drug me, he got me in the car,

Captain Brien: He dragged you.

Pat Godwin: He dragged me.

Captain Brien: Yeah.

Pat Godwin: And, boom, it opened up all these doors.

Captain Brien: And how did you know that you wanted to be a comic at the time?

Pat Godwin: You know, even when I was a kid, I always wanted to be a comic. I just thought, I was just too afraid of it. So I started to play music, and that really took off, and I had a couple albums out, like I’d said, but I really wanted to be a comedian. I was funny offstage, but man, being funny on stage is a whole different animal.

Captain Brien: Right, and the guitar helps you.

Pat Godwin: Absolutely helps me.

Captain Brien: Yeah.

Pat Godwin: ‘Cause that’s how I express myself. I’d be lost without it. I’m able to talk with it better, I’m comfortable, I’m actually a really shy guy without it, and I can talk, I don’t mumble, but I’m extraordinarily shy. When I put this on, everything changes.

Captain Brien: I noticed that, and a lot of comedians have kind of something that turns it on the whole time.

Pat Godwin: Yeah.

Captain Brien: Sometimes when the guys are funny nonstop–

Pat Godwin: That’s the ones you have to worry about.

Captain Brien: Yeah, I was gonna say, it gets a little off sometimes.

Pat Godwin: It’s really annoying.

Captain Brien:- Yeah. But I still enjoy it, I do really enjoy it. I appreciate you taking the ride with me, it wasn’t like you had a choice. We’re going to radio now on 103.9

Pat Godwin: I was in the trunk earlier.

Captain Brien: We’re headin’ to 103.9, Big Mama, we just left 105.5 The Beat with the Freakshow, we’re gonna see Jeff Zito on 96K-Rock.

Pat Godwin: Oh, cool.

Captain Brien: And then tomorrow, may hit gater country in the morning.

Pat Godwin: Absolutely.

Captain Brien: So that’ll be exciting. But if you are really wantin’ to get out and laugh and you don’t have any plans for Valentine’s Day, Pat’s show is phenomenal. I think I saw you probably three shows in a row on Carnival. Was I on the Allure, was that?

Pat Godwin: You were on the Oasis of the Allure.

Captain Brien: The Oasis. I saw you and my family’s like, “Why have we not brought Pat back?” And I said, “You know what? We need to bring him back.” And that was like, inspired

Pat Godwin: You saw like three shows in a row?

Captain Brien: I think I saw like three shows.

Pat Godwin: Oh, wow.

Captain Brien: Because the kids wanted to go see the shows, and they kept wanting

Pat Godwin: It was so fun.

Captain Brien: To go see, and it was a great, I mean the way you were able to interact with the crowd for all ages was phenomenal.

Pat Godwin: Yeah, that’s a tricky thing to do. You have to be, and that took having children to learn that kind of rapport. I know what makes my son laugh, and also you have to be very clean in that environment.

Captain Brien: Yeah.

Pat Godwin: So, and my son goes either way. But yeah, I learned how to do it by having children. So, I’m very lucky.

Captain Brien: Well we appreciated the show, and then that’s what sparked me to bring you back, ‘Cause I was like, “We need to have Pat. He’s funny as hell, why have I not had him on the show in a while?”

Pat Godwin: Yeah, my crowd work is very natural and organic, there’s nothing really planned about it. I just have been doing it long enough where I really enjoy it. And when an audience can bring the show to a different level, where they know it’s coming right out of your butt, it’s coming right off the top of your head, they just explode with laughter. It’s my favorite laughter, is the spontaneous laughter.

Captain Brien: Well I’m gonna put you on the spot again. Do you have another song you wanna play? I’m enjoying it.

Pat Godwin: Sure, what should we do? I’m just trying to think

Captain Brien: Make it happen, baby.

Pat Godwin: Bring it. Trying to think if I should go racy.

Captain Brien: Oh, you can go, this is live, you can do whatever you want.

Pat Godwin: Oh, okay. We’re gonna go a little racy. This is called “My Old-Timey Guy.” ♪ Way back when I was 22 ♪ ♪ everybody had hair down there. ♪ ♪ The girls in Playboy Magazine all had pubic hair. ♪ ♪ I liked to take a lady to lunch ♪ ♪ if there’s a little carpet to munch ♪ ♪ But nobody has pubes, anymore! ♪ Is that too far?

Captain Brien: No that’s good, that’s great.

Pat Godwin: Second verse, here we go.

Captain Brien: Shave ’em off. Get rid of them.

Pat Godwin: ♪ Went down to my local gym and all the guys ♪ ♪ there are hair free. ♪ ♪ I’m feeling self-conscious ♪ ♪ ’cause, Brien, downstairs, I’m Duck Dynasty. ♪ ♪ Shaved my pubes, had a heart attack, ♪ ♪ looks like a baby carrot playing hacky sack, ♪ ♪ aw, nobody has pubes anymore. ♪ Boom.

Captain Brien: Get rid of the pubes, done.

Pat Godwin: Get rid of ’em.

Captain Brien: It makes you look bigger, it’s good. It’s impressive. I have a doctor on the show every Tuesday, and he says, clean it, shave it up.

Pat Godwin: Shave it up.

Captain Brien: Yeah, make it look clean, yeah.

Pat Godwin: And I agree with him.

Captain Brien: I never got that memo, my brother said the same thing to me. “You’re single now, you need to do a little bit of trimming where”–

Pat Godwin: Yeah, a little manscape.

Captain Brien: A little manscape.

Captain Brien: Clean it up, clean it up. Go down, clean it up. Oh, “hey Paul, what’s goin’ on?”, Allen, what’s happenin’? We’re in Naples, Florida And I got comedian, Pat Godwin.

Pat Godwin: Hey, everybody.

Captain Brien: Okay, so, um, let’s do a giveaway, guys? 10 people, right now, if you want to go see the show tonight. It’s a 7:00 show. Pat Godwin. Use the promo code at PG2019, Pat Godwin, PG2019, go on the website, I’m gonna give you 10 free tickets right now. The first 10 people that do it are winners. How can you say, how can you say no to that?

Pat Godwin: You can’t.

Captain Brien: You can’t, the guy’s gonna make you laugh, it’s free.

Pat Godwin: Absolutely.

Captain Brien: Here in Naples.

Pat Godwin: The whole time I’m on stage, I have a great time.

Captain Brien: You really do.

Pat Godwin: I really love what I do.

Captain Brien: You traveled all night, how’d that go last night?

Pat Godwin: It did not go well.

Pat Godwin: I fought with the ex on the way down texting, we have an issue back home.

Captain Brien: Oh, I want to do a show, The text-es from my exes.

Pat Godwin: Oh, you know?

Captain Brien: I think we should.

Pat Godwin: My ex, if I could just take a little bit of time here, she is younger than I am so she encouraged me to do what’s called the kids do the sex thing, you know?

Captain Brien: Yeah.

Pat Godwin: And I was very uncomfortable with it. And if you have an iPhone it’s very easy to text the wrong person.

Captain Brien: Right.

Pat Godwin: The first time I try it, I accidentally sent the text, “I love the way your nipples taste,” To my mom, and my mom texted back, “You have a great memory.” That’s in the show.

Captain Brien: I love that, I love that.

Pat Godwin: That’s from the act, that’s from the act.

Captain Brien: You had me though, on that.

Pat Godwin: Did I have you?

Captain Brien: Yeah, yeah, I was going along with it. That’s great.

Pat Godwin: The dude is doing his act in the car.

Captain Brien: No, that’s exciting, that’s exciting. We bring out the best in people in the Captain’s Log. It’s 13 years running now. So this is 13 years to get through Season One. And Season Two has gone off strong-

Pat Godwin: You know, I’m a big fan of your actual the Facebook live stuff. You don’t just do comedians, you’re like, you’re doing everything.

Captain Brien: I try to do everything, I try to trick people.

Pat Godwin: It’s very, very, very cool.

Captain Brien: Because then they get to watch me all the time.

Pat Godwin: I have to say that you are the best one at it.

Captain Brien: Oh, really, you like it?

Pat Godwin: Absolutely, I love it.

Captain Brien: Aw, thanks, man.

Pat Godwin: I’m not just saying that.

Captain Brien: This guy really is funny and lovable. How can you not like him?

Pat Godwin: It’d be nice if he was on time.

Captain Brien: Yeah, he’s late as shit, but you know what?

Pat Godwin: I had to wake his ass up at the hotel.

Captain Brien: We still love him.

Pat Godwin: I got in at 2:30 last night, everybody.

Captain Brien: It was the rain, they say the rain is very mellowing, right? It makes us sleep.

Pat Godwin: I walked into that beautiful Hampton Inn and I laid on my back, and boom, the phone rang. Brien’s down here, you idiot.

Captain Brien: Is that what it felt like?

Pat Godwin: I swear to god I laid, I don’t sleep well at all. Last night, boom.

Captain Brien: Out.

Pat Godwin: Out like a light.

Captain Brien: It was, and when I woke up, and I had no clue it was down pouring.

Pat Godwin: Right.

Captain Brien: And then I walked out the house this morning. It was pitch black.

Pat Godwin: Right.

Captain Brien: Because you know, I was early, I was on time.

Captain Brien:- So, I left the house, it was pitch black, and I had to go back in and look for an umbrella of which I didn’t have.

Pat Godwin: Right.

Captain Brien:- Even though I have like 20 of them somewhere, then I just made a run for it. I just said, to hell with it, I’m going.

Pat Godwin: And now we’re looking like we’re clearing up here in a little bit.

Captain Brien: Yeah, I think so. I think it’s gonna be nice.

Pat Godwin: It’s overcast but it looks nice.

Captain Brien: It’s really warm actually for a–

Pat Godwin: You can’t complain in Florida. I left, it was -5 in Indianapolis, so.

Captain Brien: Was it really?

Pat Godwin: You guys have–

Captain Brien: No, it was -5?

Pat Godwin: Yep, when I left, yeah, it’s horrible.

Captain Brien: Oh my god.

Pat Godwin: And really windy, too, really windy.

Captain Brien: And what did you have like, for clothing on?

Pat Godwin: Oh, I had like my–

Captain Brien: I don’t even have clothing for that stuff.

Pat Godwin: I got to Florida in my big winter jacket. So, I was sweating my butt off when I first got here.

Captain Brien: And then you get here and you’re like, whoo. Yesterday, it was like 84 degrees.

Pat Godwin: Really?

Captain Brien: Yeah.

Pat Godwin: Jesus.

Captain Brien: Really nice.

Pat Godwin: I was in North Carolina where it was 80 degrees. They broke a record, and the following day, it was 17.

Captain Brien: Wow.

Pat Godwin: When I left on last Sunday, yeah.

Captain Brien: This week?

Pat Godwin: This, last week, yeah.

Captain Brien: And everybody’s sick now.

Pat Godwin: Everybody’s sick now.

Captain Brien: That’s just–

Pat Godwin: Everybody I work with is sick. They’ve got pink eye, they’ve all got pneumonia, not me.

Captain Brien: And you’re on the show how often on Bob and Tom?

Pat Godwin: Two, three days a week, for the whole time. 6:00 to 10:00, yeah.

Captain Brien: And then you–

Pat Godwin: I have an office there, I write songs that we use on the show all the time when I’m not there. I travel with like a mini recording studio. I’m really, and they were down here in your area in Naples for the longest time and doing very well. And they’re gonna be back. It’s a wonderful show. You can still see it on the App.

Captain Brien: Yeah, no, they do good, I’m a fan.

Pat Godwin: Yeah they do it, I know you are, yeah.

Captain Brien: Always a fan, I love it, I love it.

Pat Godwin: Yeah, the App that they have, The Bob and Tom App is incredible. You should download it.

Captain Brien: Really?

Pat Godwin: Yeah, it’s really good, yeah.

Captain Brien: And it’s just, that’s where you can hear the show live all the time?

Pat Godwin: Hear the show live, and then hear the repeat in the afternoon and then hear the greatest hits.

Captain Brien: Oh, that’s cool.

Pat Godwin: 24/7, yes.

Captain Brien: So, they don’t do like an iHeart radio. They do their own.

Pat Godwin: They do their own.

Captain Brien: Why, you should get your own.

Pat Godwin: Do you have your own?

Captain Brien: No, I used to. But you know what the problem with it, is that I was too busy promoting everything.

Pat Godwin: Oh, right.

Captain Brien: It was like, okay, go to my app. Go to my Twitter, follow me on Instagram. Watch my Facebook, and I was like, I think if I get rid of one of them, it’s gonna be a little easier.

Pat Godwin: True.

Captain Brien: So, I kind of let the app fall off and then I just stopped promoting it and doing everything with it. Because it was, it’s easier just to send them to a few places, like between the website and all that.

Pat Godwin: Yeah, you’ve got a lot going on.

Captain Brien: Yeah, yeah, you have to just focus on a few things, because otherwise the people are like, “I’m not going everywhere. Like, I’ve got enough, you know?”

Pat Godwin: Right, right, right.

Captain Brien: So that’s what happens, but thank you for watching anyways guys. We do appreciate it. Give us a like or share or whatever but you can’t miss Pat Godwin at Off the Hook Comedy Club all week. We’re gonna, check out or YouTube, too because we’ve post some other videos of Pat live at the radio stations and of course some show clips, some behind the scene stuff. But it’s been a good time. Pat, thanks buddy, we’re gonna, we’re gonna–

Pat Godwin: We’re gonna have a good time.

Captain Brien: We’re gonna do this all weekend, but Happy Valentine’s Day to everybody. And don’t forget–

Pat Godwin: For those of you who have dates, I don’t have a date. Come on by if you wanna date me.

Captain Brien: Yeah, Pat needs a date guys, so don’t stand him up.

Pat Godwin: You’ve gotta come by.

Captain Brien: He’s gonna be really upset if he’s lonely on Valentine’s Day.

Captain Brien: So, don’t do that to him. but anyway, use the promo code PG2019, free tickets, 10 people. After that I’m done, I’m not giving away ticket anymore, stop texting me and calling me.

Pat Godwin: He’s tryna make money.

Captain Brien: Yeah, everybody’s gotta eat tonight. My family’s gotta eat.

Pat Godwin: He’s got kids, he’s got two kids.

Captain Brien: We out, we out.

Episode 215 The Captain’s Log with Dr. Daller and Captain Brien!

Dr. Daller joins Captain Brien again! This time they are discussing spiritual places and morning rituals. Dr. Daller will be joining Captain Brien EVERY Tuesday at 2:30 on the Captains Log to answer any questions you may have! Make sure you tune in and comment with your questions!

Siri can now help you listen to your favorite podcasts! Say things like “play The Captains Log” or “play my newest podcasts.” You can also ask Siri about the podcast that is currently playing and request to be subscribed! Just tell Siri “subscribe to this show!”

Watch Full Video —————>

Funny jokes and notes from a day and the life Off the hook Comedy Club. Off the hook comedy club post on twitter daily follow us #captainslog for the latest info.

The captain’s log is officially sponsored by Captain Brien Spirits maker of Captain Brien Sugar Free Vodka and Barrel Aged Dark Rum both are gluten free also!

Check Dr. Daller out and show him some love at:

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Miss something on one of our episodes of the #naplescaptainslog? Don’t worry we got you covered! Here you will find a full transcript from this episode of the #naplescaptainslog!

Captain Brien: Welcome back, you guys missed us! I got Dr. Daller.

Dr. Daller: Hey Captain Brien, how are you, buddy?

Captain Brien: It’s been so long–

Dr. Daller: I missed you. I missed you

Captain Brien: You had such a big Christmas break, you forgot about me .

Captain Brien: I didn’t forgot you live here. Every time I watch on Instagram, I watch on Facebook, you do couple of things for me. One, you put a smile on my face and that’s priceless. Because, again, it motivates me, motivates me to say, “You know what? This is funny yet educational.” So I watch your videos and I learn one little thing then it could be something that people say, “Well, it’s nothing serious.” Well, it’s nothing serious, obviously, you didn’t think about that. Somebody have thought of that and they became successful. And, so, I’m so excited to be back with you every Tuesday afternoon.

Captain Brien: I missed you. I missed you.

Dr. Daller: I missed you as well, buddy.

Captain Brien: You’re so busy!

Dr. Daller: Very, very busy, you know–

Captain Brien: Which is great.

Dr. Daller: I love it! Start at five in the morning, every morning, here. And we go until 4 PM. Nonstop. You know, my phone is ringing all the time and I’m loving life! Feel blessed.

Captain Brien: You should be. It’s amazing thing and the office looks great. All the employees is smiling, everybody happy, what a life!

Dr. Daller: Absolutely, absolutely blessed. You know, Captain Brien, every morning, I wake up at about 4:45. The first thing I do, I thank God. I thank God, I thank God to be alive, first of all. I thank God that because the alternative, you know, we know very well we could be not alive. We have more than we imagine, how fortune we are. I just, over Christmas, we were in Peru, in a place called Machu Picchu. It’s very spiritual place. And the average person in that area makes a hundred dollars a year.

Captain Brien: How do they manage that? How does that work?

Dr. Daller: And you know what, they have a smile on their face. So it’s amazing how with a hundred dollars a year, they manage, and they are not complaining, and they feel blessed. One, they don’t know any better, you know. If you have money and you lost it, it’s much worse than than not having money at all. And they feel good about it, I mean, they play a little soccer on the field there with nothing and they feel great about it.

Captain Brien: What were you doing in Peru?

Dr. Daller: So we went to Lima and then we went to Machu Picchu. Very spiritual, felt connected, did a lot of hiking with the family, really, amazing, amazing. It was a bucket list place that we really wanted to go–

Captain Brien: I hear people say that they’re gonna go to Machu Picchu, right?

Dr. Daller: Right.

Captain Brien: That’s popular right now.

Dr. Daller: It is very popular but, I mean we did hiking in the mountains. I mean, one day, we climbed 14 kilometers in the mountains. I mean, remember the altitude there is about 12 thousand to 14 thousand feet. So it’s a high altitude. It’s difficult to breathe.

Captain Brien: That’s amazing. So I get that question a lot. What do you do, How do you stay on the video all day? How do you go live all the time? How do you have time to manage going to a comedy club, running the restaurant, streaming live on Facebook, doing all the podcast at the Captain’s log, meeting you, how do I do that? The thing is–

Dr. Daller: You know what, when I watch you, I admire you. You’re going to tell us in a few minutes how you going to that, how do you do that which is impressing. I see all the stuff that you do. How you have a big smile on your face all the time. And I wonder myself, how do you do that, Captain?

Captain Brien: The interesting thing is, for me, it just seems normal. I don’t sit down and drink a cup of coffee and just rest. If I am siting down, my mind is going already, “What am I gonna do next? What’s happening? What am I missing? How am I gonna create the next video? What’s gonna happen when the doors open at the comedy club? Tomorrow, I have a new show going on, how do I market it?” that’s just how I think. It’s a good vibe. It’s fun but I cannot tell you that there’s always positives. But there’s gonna be a negative. You know what the negative is? It’s sometimes I drive people crazy around me ’cause they’re like, ” don’t you just need a minute to relax?”

Dr. Daller: And, you know, people like you really don’t need minute to relax. Relaxation is what you do give you satisfaction, give you happiness.

Captain Brien: Yeah

Dr. Daller: So you don’t need that minute to relax.

Captain Brien: It’s not the relaxing part.

Dr. Daller: But do you have– Let me ask, I never ask you that question before, do you have any rituals that you do, for example, in the morning, when you buy, what do you do?

Captain Brien: I do, it’s funny you asked. In the morning, I always feel like you have to make your bed.

Dr. Daller: Okay.

Captain Brien: When I get up, no matter what, I make the bed.

Dr. Daller: I like that.

Captain Brien: And then I feel like I did something, right?

Dr. Daller: I like that.

Captain Brien: And then when I’m in the shower, oh my god, that’s when all the magic happens.

Dr. Daller: Okay.

Captain Brien: Right away, I start coming up with ideas on what I’m gonna do for the day. I usually don’t have a plan until I get up and hit the shower.

Dr. Daller: Okay.

Captain Brien: I have no agenda.

Dr. Daller: Okay.

Captain Brien: But these things just instantly start going. In my mind says, “Going, going, going, going.” If someone’s gonna talk to me, forget about it. Because I start thinking out loud and I sound like a madman. But that’s what I do. I line up my day. And most of the time, by the time I get out of the shower, I already have 10 things I need to get accomplished. And that’s how it works.

Dr. Daller: Do you write them down, or what —

Captain Brien: I message myself.

Dr. Daller: You message yourself.

Captain Brien: I’m a terrible speller and a terrible writer which is probably why I don’t comment a lot because if I do, I’m gonna spell something wrong

Dr. Daller: K is the most I’ve seen from the Captain.

Captain Brien: But I don’t spell very good. And I never did. And it’s something I’m sure that there’s gotta be some kinda dyslexia, something running through my head but overall, when I write things, I do make mistakes in the grammar so I don’t tend to write a lot of things down. But I’ll dictate and I use video, and I use audio which is my podcast is really good, which is why I do good with the video stuff. But when I write, I’m not gonna go and write a novel. Someday I wanna write a book but I need a writer, I need a ghost writer.

Dr. Daller: And you can. And , you know, I’m thinking about the one day we’ll do a podcast about how to write a book. And I really want to write a book in the next couple of years. And that’s impressive. Captain Brien, that’s truly impressive. You know, I thank God, when I drive, when I’m in my car, this is my sanctuary. This is the time that I have time to think, to reflect on things. So when people are complaining about traffic, for me, I don’t care because it’s the time for me to reflect about life

Captain Brien: I send video messages all the time too.

Dr. Daller: Really?

Captain Brien: Yeah, I’m like, when I have something to say, I’ll just send a message in video, even to myself. Do you send messages to yourself because I feel like if I get those messages, I even send text messages to my own message where it shows that I said and I received it.

Dr. Daller: I do that sometime. I send messages, I put on my notes on my phone, I take a picture of something that is important.

Captain Brien: And then what happens when you go to all your screenshot, you say, “I don’t know what the hell I took that picture.”

Dr. Daller: “Why, why did I take a picture of that note?”

Captain Brien: “What am I doing that time?” No idea but most of the time it’s for something so I keep them for a while and then I had to go and I clean them all out. What about your emails? How often do you clean those out?

Dr. Daller: Everyday.

Captain Brien: Everyday?

Dr. Daller: Every single day. My read my email, all my emails, every single day.

Captain Brien: And then you delete them?

Dr. Daller: You send me email, I do delete the one that I don’t need. So if you send me an email, I didn’t reply that mean the same day, that mean I did not receive my email. Very, very important for me. My email, the inbox, is completely empty.

Captain Brien: Hundred and 50 thousand messages in my inbox.

Dr. Daller: No way!

Captain Brien: I bet I have a hundred and 50 thousand right now if I go–

Dr. Daller: No, no , I mean every single day

Captain Brien: I get so many messages I can’t even keep up.

Dr. Daller: I clean it up all the time.

Captain Brien: I do go through every one but I don’t delete like I just look at the preview. If the previous is interesting, or if I know who it’s from, I read every one. But there’s so many, I can’t keep track. How do you manage the time? Because other people out there, they can’t manage.

Dr. Daller: I find the time. Everybody find excuses for everything. I talk to people about diet and body modification. Today, I talked to this guy and he says, “You know, I tried this, it don’t doesn’t work. I tried this, it doesn’t work.” We always find excuse. “Oh, I have big bones.” How many times people told you , “You know, I can’t lose weight because I have big bones so I have this.” We have to find the positive, how to tackle things. And, you know, this is what I love about this podcast. Because in this podcast, you give people the strategies. You give people the tools how to do things. For example, how to make a banana bread or how to lose weight. I mean, different things and it depends on your interest. Here, we are talking about health, and lifestyle, and all the things that we care about. And we give them the strategies, we give them a good story behind it that keeps it interesting. And we give them the ability to start and have that inertia, have that momentum to say, “You know what, today is the day!” And everyday you have to think about living the present. Today is the day. Don’t live in the past. Why people take anti-depressant and are still depressed because they live in the past. They don’t live in the present.

Captain Brien: I agree.

Dr. Daller: And frankly, we shall not live too far in the future because who knows what’s going to be in the future. I mean, you live in the present, right? You are, right now, driving here in a nice car, air conditioned, he has a lot of cameras all around us. I mean, you should see this place. It’s unbelievable. It’s like a studio thing.

Captain Brien: And I gotta say my light guy, keep it down back there.

Dr. Daller: Tons of little people here everywhere. It’s amazing! Amazing, this place.

Captain Brien: Like drone flying over the head, this show’s amazing!

Dr. Daller: So I really appreciate those podcast that you do in the different topics. And again, my affinity is towards health care. And I just read an article by a guy from University of Michigan, and he says that, “97% of American don’t have healthy health lifestyle habits.” So all only 3% of us really preach what we practice and we practice what we preach. So this is something that in the next, if you podcast we’re going to motivate people to have responsibility about their health because, again, when people tell me it’s expensive to go to a Whole Foods to buy organic and whatever you buying, chicken or whatever it is. You know what’s expensive? Going to the doctor. You know what’s expensive? Going to the hospital. You cannot afford going to the hospital. You have to be a billionaire in America if you don’t have insurance to go to the hospital. Even with insurance, you have call pay, you deduct of all these. It’s outrageous! So staying healthy, believe it or not, buying healthy food, eating healthy, not eating crap, extremely cheap. It’s not expensive.

Captain Brien: I go to the gym. I like to work out but I also like all food. So what’s my go-to move, if I have a craving?

Dr. Daller: Very good question. I don’t have a sweet tooth. I like food. I like food so I like to have healthy food. So if you decide to have fish, buy wild-caught fish. Don’t buy farm-raised fish. And, again, it doesn’t need to be expensive fish. You don’t need to spend 30 dollars a pound. You can buy for seven dollar a pound. A nice red snapper. And those prices that I just told you, I was at Whole Foods on Sunday and that was the price. Seven dollar a pound for snapper, for red snapper. Not bad!

Captain Brien: No, that was cheap.

Dr. Daller: Cheap! I know it wasn’t sale, I have to have the Amazon card, you have to have these stuff but big deal! Seven bucks, great price! So for me, is to go for real food. And I do like some fruit and vegetables. I grab an apple, I will grab an orange, I will do all these stuff and get healthy habits. Not that difficult. But you will never see me at Taco Bell. Ever, ever. If you ever see me at Taco Bell, don’t talk to me anymore.

Captain Brien: I have, I’ve eaten Taco Bell probably 15 times my whole life. How many times have you eaten?

Dr. Daller: Probably ate maybe more than that but it was in college. I used to live, my apartment was right on top on Com. Avenue in Boston. You know Com. Avenue?

Captain Brien: Right, of course.

Dr. Daller: So I used live right on top of a Taco Bell. So the Taco Bell, down, and one of the girls I used to date, she used to work there. So I used to eat, I didn’t pay for the food. But it was horrific food. But I was young. I could do whatever I wanted. I was invincible. But today, if I eat one Taco Bell, I will probably, I don’t know if I’ll make it. Deadly!

Captain Brien: I just come back from Las Vegas, and I cheated every day. I have to admit. But I did workout before and after. I was only there three days. So I cheated for three days. But I had to workout before I got there and the second I got back.

Dr. Daller: When you say you cheated, you mean the burger?

Captain Brien: Yeah, I ate at Eataly at the Venetian. Oh my gosh I ate at every place.

Dr. Daller: And you know what, that’s okay. That’s okay, that’s not bad food. That’s not horrible food. Horrible food are really the big time processed food. The food that you buy for 49 cents. Whether there’s a taco, burger for 49 cents. You are in the food business, you understand you cannot make something for 49 cents.

Captain Brien: Of course.

Dr. Daller: It’s not possible.

Captain Brien: No.

Dr. Daller: How can you do that? How can you buy a bun, and a burger, and everything, and cheese, and lettuce, and all these stuff for 49 cents.

Captain Brien: And make it valuable for your body. Zero, zero nutrients.

Dr. Daller: Zero nutrients, absolutely. So, again, healthy habits, healthy eating. Whether you’re going to the gym and pay a hundred dollars a month, or 10 dollars, in some other gym or just doing it yourself doing some pushups, and pull-ups. You don’t really need to spend that money. It’s not that expensive to stay healthy. It’s very expensive, very, very, expensive not to stay healthy.

Captain Brien: I wanna ask you this question. I saw a health fitness person on Instagram, mentioning that the first seven minutes when you wake up, your body’s create some kind of, I don’t know, enzyme or something what’s it called. Is this a thing? It burns the most calories in the first seven minutes when you wake up out of bed?

Dr. Daller: No, there’s no such a thing.

Captain Brien: So I thought so! I thought she was full of bull.

Dr. Daller: Yeah, there’s no such a thing. It’s true that testosterone level that you have in your body is higher in the morning.

Captain Brien: I didn’t know where she was going with this. I couldn’t even figure out she said the first seven minutes you burn the most calories, she said. Even if you do 15 sit ups and 20 jumping jacks. You’re gonna burn in seven minutes more calories than you are, if you’re not during those seven minutes when you wake up.

Dr. Daller: No, no, no, there’s no.

Captain Brien: I didn’t even heard that.

Dr. Daller: You burn the same calorie you burn in the morning or at night. The amount of calories that you burn doing pushups–

Captain Brien: You can’t believe everything you hear on the internet.

Dr. Daller: Except on this podcast.

Captain Brien: Exactly.

Dr. Daller: Everything we say is vetted. We have people that vet everything we say are factic.

Captain Brien: Yeah, we have chats to valid to —

Dr. Daller: All the time. All, everything we say. Some of you have checking on Google.

Captain Brien: They make us walk the plank.

Dr. Daller: Absolutely, absolutely, so no. You really don’t need to wake up in the morning and to do 20 pushups. It would be nice if you can. But some people their joints hurts a little bit, don’t have the time. Do it whenever you can. Really, it’s true. It doesn’t make any difference when you do it. Your testosterone level is higher in the morning. There is a circadian rhythm for younger people. When I say younger people, less than 50, their testosterone is higher in the morning and you have less testosterone at night. As a result, we can fall asleep and we can do other things that we don’t need to be that alert for. That’s why in the morning, we are more focused. Again, the morning time is the best time to do activities, overall, because your brain is very, very, focused.

Captain Brien: Well, listen, I think that we know we’re on the right track. We know that every Tuesday, we’re gonna be here 2:30 live.

Dr. Daller: Every Tuesday–

Captain Brien: Every Tuesday, 2:30 live. You guys can send us your comments, ask us our questions, tell us everything that you wanna know ’cause we wanna hear what you’re interested in, right? And when you’re scrolling through, let’s see, Mal, we get all kinds of people on here. PD, all kinds of people. I don’t know, there’s so many.

Dr. Daller: 11.

Captain Brien: Johnny Pizzy, they’re all up there. But anyway, you guys ask us your questions. Dr. Daller’s specialty obviously is men’s and women’s sexual being and positivity and help. And he’s got way more answers than I got. Well, I’m just here to have a good time and enjoy all these knowledge, you know what I mean? So, listen guys, dm us your questions. Come back to us, we’re gonna answer on live in Captain’s log with Dr. Daller and we’re everyday but don’t forget on Tuesdays at 2:30, you’re gonna see Dr. Daller and he’s got your health right in the palm of his hand.

Dr. Daller: Take care.

Captain Brien: Next time.

Dr. Daller: Bye-bye, thank you, sir.

Captain Brien: See you, we’re out guys.

Episode 214 The Captain’s Log with Comedian ISMO and Captain Brien!

Finnish Comedian Ismo joins Captain Brien to discuss his famous “ass” skit from Conan, his journey to becoming a comedian in America, and ISMO and Captain Brien have a competition on who can use more words with “ass” in them! You won’t want to miss this!

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Funny jokes and notes from a day and the life Off the hook Comedy Club. Off the hook comedy club post on twitter daily follow us #captainslog for the latest info.

The captain’s log is officially sponsored by Captain Brien Spirits maker of Captain Brien Sugar Free Vodka and Barrel Aged Dark Rum both are gluten free also!

Check Comedian ISMO out and show him some love at:


Miss something on one of our episodes of the #naplescaptainslog? Don’t worry we got you covered! Here you will find a full transcript from this episode of the #naplescaptainslog!

Captain Brien: Hey guys, welcome back. It’s the captain’s log and my guest today is ISMO, the world’s most famous Finnish comedian.

ISMO:  Oh yeah, I am.

Captain Brien: Yeah and Finnish is like, what happened to my voice? It’s already finished. So Finnish is like something that I’ve never said before. I’ve never said, oh, he’s a, he’s, what did I say? He’s a Finnish.

ISMO: Finnish or a Fin

Captain Brien: A Fin.

ISMO: Or from Finland.

Captain Brien: Oh yeah. You’re the first person that I’ve hung out with from Finland.

ISMO: Yeah.

Captain Brien: Well, I mean, it’s exciting.

ISMO: Well glad to be the first.

Captain Brien: Yeah.

ISMO:- Yeah.

Captain Brien: So there’s 5 million people that live in Finland you told me?

ISMO: Yeah.

Captain Brien: And how on the famous scale how famous are you, the top five?

ISMO: Well, hard to say. Like there’s lots of like sports stars and everything but like yeah. In Finland, yeah it’s pretty, yeah.

Captain Brien: Your superstar?

ISMO: Well yeah I guess.

Captain Brien: You’re like an A-Lister in Finland?

ISMO: I would guess that.

Captain Brien: And you’re working your way up in the United States now?

ISMO: Yeah, yeah.

Captain Brien: I mean you got a video that’s almost 70 million from Conan O’Brien that was amazing. What was that like life changing, the first time you woke up and saw that it hit like 20 million?

ISMO: Yeah, yeah, it’s so yeah, it’s been, uh, I was like, what do I do? Like a year ago when I did Conan it started, the post and the views really started to go up, I was like, okay, it’s now 20 million now it’s 25. What do I do?

Captain Brien: When did your phone start ringing? Like when people started like saying they wanted to book you or they they wanted to have an interview or when did that happen?

ISMO: Yeah, right away like yeah, it’s really changed a lot.

Captain Brien: Really?

ISMO: Yeah, yeah I did touring in the US before that but then it really, really, really took off after that so.

Captain Brien: And and in Finland, you had already had videos out or?

ISMO: Yeah, like yeah, in Finland, I’ve been doing comedy for like, 16 17 years.

ISMO: Yeah. So I’ve done lots of TV and of course, lots of YouTube videos and whatever and things and lots of tours.

Captain Brien: Who booked the gig on Conan?

ISMO: Well, the guy who books Conan

Captain Brien: No but you made the phone call originally?

ISMO: Well, I have a manager here and so.

Captain Brien: Yeah.

ISMO: Yeah, I did. Actually, I did Just for Laughs Festival 2017.

Captain Brien: Oh, okay, I missed that one that’s why I didn’t see you then.

ISMO: Oh, yeah, so yeah, that I think that was the link. Like I did really well there and then the booker for Conan heard about that and then we started from there.

Captain Brien: That’s what happened. So when you got to the US, you were performing at, you said the Laugh Factory?

ISMO: Yeah, that’s where I started in LA like, yeah.

Captain Brien:: And how did they get you on stage first?

ISMO: Actually, they had a competition 2014, they had a competition called “The Funniest Person in the World”

Captain Brien: Okay.

ISMO: So I thought that’s a good name for a contest. So there were lots of comics from different countries and I had never done a gig in America before that.

Captain Brien: So you flew in for the competition?

ISMO: Yeah and I won it all.

Captain Brien: How did you find out about it?

ISMO: Well they searched for comedians all around the world.

Captain Brien: Okay.

ISMO: They like okay we’re gonna have this contest so they searched and they looked for like every country and they found me and I like first you participated like with an online video and stuff but then when you go to the finals then okay then just like hey you have to fly to LA now and I was like oh okay I have to cancel them shows in Finland, move them around.

Captain Brien: And they didn’t pay you to fly in?

ISMO: Well yeah I think they paid like yeah they gave like a travel buyout or something.

Captain Brien: Okay, because they were selling tickets to the show probably, right?

ISMO: Yeah sure so but yeah so but that’s really I did my first ever gig in America in the contest and I won it and then I’m like less than a year later I moved here so.

Captain Brien: Wow, that’s so exciting. And you brought your wife?

ISMO: Yeah.

Captain Brien: How did she decide that it was going to be okay that you guys are going to move because she saw that your career was going to be the one that was going to take you here?

ISMO: Yeah she was like all for it so that she’s been super supportive so all the way all the time and like even like we didn’t even decide it was kind of obvious when they was like okay we’re gonna move to America now, I’m literally just like how do we arrange everything so it yeah it wasn’t, there was no debate like we weren’t even thinking like, well because it was like kind of this, you’re going to regret this for the rest of your life if you don’t do it.

Captain Brien: Correct, correct.

ISMO: It was kinda obvious to do it.

Captain Brien: What’s the weather like in Finland? I don’t even know, it’s cold right?

ISMO: It’s really north so yeah.

Captain Brien: It’s cold as hell.

ISMO: Yeah.

Captain Brien: That’s what I thought.

ISMO: Yeah like it’s really nice in the summer but like the winter is long and cold and dark so yeah.

Captain Brien: And you get a lot of rain or is it all snow?

ISMO: Well yeah, rain in the fall but then December to like April it’s pretty snowy.

Captain Brien: Is there good skiing?

ISMO: Yeah, yeah lots of skiing.

Captain Brien: Are you a good skier?

ISMO: I would say like I used to do it a lot and I used to snowboard a lot that was years ago.

Captain Brien: You have the look, the whole look with the hair, you look like a snowboarder. Captain Brien: Yeah, so that’s a good style.

ISMO: But I have to start surfing now because I’m in LA.

Captain Brien: You need to now how to surf bro.

ISMO: I’ve only surfed once.

Captain Brien: You gotta hang 10, right. Yeah hang loose.

ISMO: Oh yeah, I promise I will start it soon. I’ve been putting it off.

Captain Brien: You probably don’t tan very, well you tan a little bit it looks like.

ISMO: I guess.

Captain Brien: Yeah your skin is not super light, it looks like you got a little surf style tan.

ISMO: oh yeah.

Captain Brien: That’s sexy.

ISMO: Yeah I know I been here in Florida so I’m definitely gonna at least go to the beach. I don’t think I’m going to surf.

Captain Brien: They said your video about, the ass is the toughest word in English is hilarious which it is hilarious but I understand you have one about shit now.

ISMO: Yeah.

Captain Brien: And that’s better you think?

ISMO: Well, yeah that shit thing yeah it’s like a newer bit and I really love it. I put some of it online but it’s like 10 minutes, 10 minutes of shit stuff so.

Captain Brien: That’s a lot of shit.

ISMO: Yeah.

Captain Brien: Yeah a whole lot of.

ISMO: A shit load of shit.

Captain Brien: A ton of it.

ISMO: Yeah.

Captain Brien: A crap pile.

ISMO: Yeah.

Captain Brien: Give me a couple words, ways to use the word ass and let me see if I can come up with a couple. Let’s play see how many we can come up with in a row.

ISMO: Okay, well, hard ass.

Captain Brien: Dumb ass.

ISMO: Smart ass.

Captain Brien: Oh, God I am terrible.

ISMO: Oh there are so many.

Captain Brien: You got me on the ass. No come on I gotta be better than that. Uh.

ISMO: Ass tone.

Captain Brien: Jackass.

ISMO: Jackass, yeah.

Captain Brien: Does that work?

ISMO: Yeah jackass that’s great.

Captain Brien: That’s jack who’s an ass.

ISMO: Yeah.

Captain Brien: Yeah.

ISMO: Well half ass.

Captain Brien: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you could say, move your ass, that’s one of yours?

ISMO: Yeah, move your ass or my ass.

Captain Brien: Ah yeah like a half a ass.

ISMO: Oh yeah half ass is like not concentrating just halfing it but my ass is no.

Captain Brien: Yeah just no way.

ISMO: Yeah my ass.

Captain Brien: Right, like you say your car is fast my ass.

ISMO: Yeah.

Captain Brien: I love that. So there’s nothing in like in Finnish that’s similar?

ISMO: Well there we have words we have and I actually I did this joke about the Finnish word that means like everything but it’s very different than

Captain Brien: What’s that word?

ISMO: It’s well it’s like two words. It’s and that means like everything but it’s different like you don’t use it as like ass. You add it to stuff like ass but it’s just by itself it can mean like let’s go or look what you have done or I can’t wait to be like it can be anything so. But it’s a weird word it’s completely untranslatable.

Captain Brien: Yeah, so then nobody, do they use it as a joke in the same context or no?

ISMO: Well I made a joke about it but like so yeah but then after that people are like, okay we use that word a lot, yeah.

Captain Brien: While we’re talking let’s get everyone to tell us where you guys are tuning in from? If you’re in Finland, let us know. Do they have Facebook in Finland?

ISMO: Of course.

Captain Brien: They do right? So wherever you guys are we’re in Naples, Florida right now and we’re heading to 103.9 where Big Mom and the Wild Bunch and 96 k rock we just left 1055 the beat and you have six huge shows at Off the Hook comedy club.

ISMO: Yeah.

Captain Brien: This week, which is amazing.

ISMO: Yeah, yeah.

Captain Brien: And when I first discovered you, I think it was the Conan clip but that’s why I was like, alright, I want to get this dude and then it just like started going crazy, like the clip is 70 million and counting that’s amazing.

ISMO: Yeah.

Captain Brien: It’s shocking to me. So is there another clip out there? The shit clip is pretty popular too, yeah?

ISMO: Yeah, I put out the shit clip like last year and yeah and that’s only a part of the shit bit. So when I do it live it’s way longer. And yeah have to find some more words to do that.

Captain Brien: Yeah you got to do something like, balls.

ISMO: Yeah.

Captain Brien: I don’t know like my balls, balls deep.

ISMO: Well actually I have a joke about balls, it’s yeah but that’s different. It’s not like kind of like.

Captain Brien: Yeah you can’t use as many.

ISMO: Yeah.

Captain Brien: I just came off that off top my head. yeah but that is actually weird that like having balls is the metaphor for being courage.

ISMO:  Like being tough.

Captain Brien: Brave.

Captain Brien: You got big balls.

ISMO: Yeah. And it’s kind of unfair.

Captain Brien: He’s got no nuts.

ISMO: Yeah, but it’s so unfair saying for women.

Captain Brien: Right, yeah, what are they going to do?

ISMO: Yeah, it’s like that was invented by men so I think we should change that.

Captain Brien: I agree, I think they should have some balls, they should get a pair.

ISMO: Well, I always just change the idiom.

Captain Brien: Hey who wants to go see the show this weekend? I’ll give away two tickets tonight and two tickets tomorrow to the next two people that say, that live within 30 40 miles probably because you might not go any further than that. I mean, he is funny, but you’re probably not going to drive more than 50. They gonna drive more than 50 miles to see you?

ISMO: 51, I say 51.

Captain Brien: Your jokes are about 51 mile funny you know, so I agree, I agree Because otherwise you know, you’re gonna be in a small area. You gotta broaden the horizon.

ISMO: Oh yeah.

Captain Brien: So what are you looking forward to doing this weekend? You’re traveling alone right?

ISMO: Yeah, yeah.

Captain Brien: So are you gonna get to the beach?

ISMO: Yeah, definitely, I’m planning to do that one of these days.

Captain Brien: Yeah, because it’s Florida, it’s hot.

ISMO: It’s all about the beach here.

Captain Brien: It really is. And when you’re in town, what’s your favorite food? I’m a good food guy, I’m a foodie. I can tell you where to go. What do you like? I don’t know anything about Finnish food. What is Finnish food? What’s your main dish?

ISMO: Well one thing that’s really popular in Finland is reindeer.

Captain Brien: Reindeer?

ISMO: Yeah, reindeer, yeah.

Captain Brien: That’s probably not gonna go over too big. Bambi is not going to be the dish of the weekend.

ISMO: Or Rudolph.

Captain Brien: It’s not happening.

Captain Brien:: Oh yeah, yeah Rudolph.

ISMO: Yeah, Bambi is a deer.

Captain Brien: That’s right.

ISMO: I eat that too.

Captain Brien: We need to get the right deer.

ISMO: Yeah.

Captain Brien: Yeah. No one’s gonna eat Rudolph.

ISMO: Yeah.

Captain Brien: They eat reindeer?

ISMO: Yeah it’s really popular. You can have pizza with reindeer.

Captain Brien: Pizza?

ISMO: Or everything, it’s reindeer anything.

Captain Brien: Do they do they shave it or they make sausage out of it because they make sausage right?

ISMO: Well that’s of course many like different ways to have it but most common is like, like kind of these small bites of like smoked reindeer

Captain Brien: Really?

ISMO: and you just sprinkle it on like, you can make whatever.

Captain Brien: And it’s like so it’s like bacon bits?

ISMO: Kind of yeah.

Captain Brien: And they’re just very popular? Everybody has their own flavors or what?

ISMO: Well yeah, we like the more North you go the more reindeer I eat because they all like, the reindeer live in the North so that’s kind of if you’re south in Finland you can get it but it’s not that popular but in the North that’s like the main thing.

Captain Brien: Because we love reindeer here, we care for them and then you guys are just shooting them down and eating them?

ISMO: Well they’re actually like farmed. They’re like domesticated.

Captain Brien: Okay.

ISMO: But they still kind of roam free but it’s kind of like, yeah, I’m not an expert on reindeer farming.

Captain Brien: Why not? Come on ISMO I need some reindeer advice here.

ISMO: oh yeah, yeah you have to like ear mark them and then the let them roam free and then you gather them once a year.

Captain Brien: And then eat them?

ISMO: A few of them or something.

Captain Brien: You just kinda call down the heard?

ISMO: And on the road, you have to always in Finland, you have to watch out for reindeer.

Captain Brien: Oh, really?

ISMO: Yeah there’s lots of reindeer.

Captain Brien: Are they huge?

ISMO: No they’re smaller so like there mooses also, if you hit a moose that’s it.

Captain Brien: Is hunting big in Finland?

ISMO: I think it is, I think it’s kinda big.

Captain Brien: Yeah.

ISMO: Yeah.

Captain Brien: And do they shoot reindeer?

ISMO: Well, no because reindeers are owned by somebody so you can’t shoot anybodies reindeer.

Captain Brien: Oh reindeers are like domesticated.

ISMO: Yeah they are domesticated but they roam free with the ear mark.

Captain Brien: Gotcha, gotcha.

ISMO: So that’s kinda the thing. But mooses are not so yeah people will shoot mooses.

Captain Brien: Huge ones.

ISMO: Yeah.

Captain Brien: And so they must have moose meat? Yeah, yeah there’s moose meat you can eat.

ISMO: sometimes you can eat bear.

Captain Brien: If I was gonna go to Finland, what would be the dish that I have to try.

ISMO: Well, reindeer definitely with mashed potatoes and lingonberries.

Captain Brien: Is it a gravy on top or no?

ISMO: Normally no just like butter on lingonberries. It’s like a berry that’s really.

Captain Brien: Yeah, yeah, I know they make that jam, right?

ISMO: Yeah.

Captain Brien: They make a lingonberry jam?

ISMO: Yeah.

Captain Brien: Right?

ISMO: So that is kind of yeah, it’s really like, what’s the word, it’s like a berry that’s like makes you go like, uh. I don’t know the word.

Captain Brien: It’s uh, it’s tart? Is it tart, it’s kind of tart aren’t they?

ISMO: Yeah like like hmm, I don’t know the word.

Captain Brien: Yeah somebody said tart and I think they are, I think they’re tart. They’re sweet and tart though?

ISMO: Yeah, but normally you add sugar to them a little bit but they’re not sweet, they’re really like, uh.

Captain Brien: So they’re sour, have a sour taste? And they put that on top of the meat?

ISMO: Yeah, we use lingonberries for everything. Like the jam you can use it for always when you eat. Like if you eat liver or if you eat like blood sausage, always put lingonberry jam on it.

Captain Brien: Blood sausage is not my thing. That’s one of the things I can’t do. Well, even when I hear it on the menu I’m like nope staying far away from that one. But I’m very adventurous with my meals, I like to eat. I eat all kinds of stuff, but the blood sausage sometimes just turns me off.

ISMO: Yeah, well the Finnish blood sausage it’s good. If you go there you have to try that.

Captain Brien: Is it grilled or smoked or how do they do it?

ISMO: I guess it’s like smoked.

Captain Brien: You don’t cook very much I take it?

ISMO: Well I, nobody makes blood sausage at home. It’s a thing you get like from a hot dog stand.

Captain Brien: But when you take it home. Do you cook it?

ISMO: You just warm it.

Captain Brien: That’s it?

ISMO: Yeah.

Captain Brien: Because it’s already cooked.

ISMO: Yeah.

Captain Brien: Okay, okay. So then it must be like, cured or smoked?

ISMO: Yeah, something like that. In some cities, it’s very popular to have big blocks of it like as a late night snack, your hot dog.

Captain Brien: Yeah, okay, okay.

ISMO: Like a drunk food.

Captain Brien: Do you have mustard, do you put mustard on it?

ISMO: Yeah, and the Finnish mustard it’s different. I kinda miss that it’s different. I miss the lingonberries and the mustard and I miss the there’s this one thing that like curd you know, like something made of milk.

Captain Brien: Is it cheese?

ISMO: No and it doesn’t exist here. I tried to find it forever but it’s like this, it’s kind of like sour cream but it’s completely different. And we use that for all like dipping sauces.

Captain Brien: That must be like, fresh crema?

ISMO: Yeah, but it’s different from that.

Captain Brien: It’s different from fresh crema?

ISMO: It’s like Finnish curd. So it’s

Captain Brien: Isn’t that where the Vikings? You guys have a lot of Vikings?

ISMO: Well, Vikings were mostly like Norwegian. And I think they are not like it’s not like a profession anymore. There’s no school for pillaging. Yeah, that was like Norway on the coast. Finland was like, at that time, we weren’t, we didn’t have boats.

Captain Brien: Okay you were just chasing reindeer around?

ISMO: Oh yeah.

Captain Brien: And so reindeer is like your cow?

ISMO: Well, yeah we have cows also but it’s kind of, yeah. Because it’s like half free and half like, domesticated so. It’s yeah, I don’t know what the equivalent but because it’s

Captain Brien: But it’s tougher, is it tougher than a beef?

ISMO: Like tougher?

Captain Brien: The meat.

ISMO: Yeah because they walk all the time. The cows just eat. So yeah it’s like game meat I’m sure.

Captain Brien: Right, right and you guys like the gamey flavor?

ISMO: Well we have our first, I think we eat more beef than reindeer. Everybody eat red salmon and all that basic stuff but reindeer is kind of like a specialty you sometimes have

Captain Brien: Yeah so like here, we’ll eat gator?

ISMO: Oh yeah.

Captain Brien: Gators popular here.

ISMO: Oh yeah, I’ve never tasted that

Captain Brien: And rattlesnake, you can eat that.

ISMO: Yeah, well I have to try those.

Captain Brien: You should try those.

ISMO: Yeah.

ISMO: Maybe you should do like a mix with the gator, the rattlesnake and throw in a couple reindeer.

Captain Brien: Do you eat the actual rattle?

ISMO: The rattle is dead skin so it’s probably not that appetizing.

Captain Brien: Because then when you take a shit, it’s gotta go somewhere.

ISMO: Yeah it’s gonna. You’d think you had to go then imagine if you eat the rattle.

Captain Brien: Yeah.

Captain Brien: Holy cow. We are gonna wrap this up. This is the captain’s log. My guest, hey Mackstud, what’s up? My guest ISMO is gonna be at Off the Hook comedy club. Guys, if you wanted to get free tickets, I will give away, let’s see, six pairs of tickets. But when you’re leaving comments, I have to, you know, respond so like when there’s a million comments by the end of this podcast, I can’t respond to everybody. So if you don’t get a message that means you didn’t win but the six people that I will message win. And there will be six and then we’ll be good. And you come see us. Get tickets at Off The Hook Comedy, go see ISMO, what’s your social media?


Captain Brien: I-S-M-O, you can’t miss him, you’re gonna love him.

ISMO: All caps on Facebook, I-S-M-O.

Captain Brien: Absolutely hysterical and I’m happy to have you. It was a pleasure, man thank you.

ISMO: Thank you.

Captain Brien: Bye guys, we’re out.

Captain Brien: Bye.

Captain Brien: See ya