Tag Archives: Comics

Epsiode 276: Except the owner!



On this episode of #captainslognaples we have comedian #bigjayoakerson! Come join as we discuss his beginning in #newyorkcomedy scene, and his love for the staff!

Siri can now help you listen to your favorite podcasts! Say things like “play The Captains Log” or “play my newest podcasts.” You can also ask Siri about the podcast that is currently playing and request to be subscribed! Just tell Siri “subscribe to this show!”

Watch Full Video —————> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1_Tszo91y8

Funny jokes and notes from a day and the life Off the hook Comedy Club. Off the hook comedy club post on twitter daily follow us #naplescaptainslog for the latest info.

The captain’s log is officially sponsored by Captain Brien Spirits maker of Captain Brien Sugar Free and Gluten Free Vodka, Barrel Aged Dark Rum, White Rum, and Gin!

Check Comedians Catfish Cooley and Andrew Conn out and show them some love at:


Episode 275:Keepin’ It PG-13!



Tampa comedian Johnny B joins us on this episode of #naplescaptainslog!

Siri can now help you listen to your favorite podcasts! Say things like “play The Captains Log” or “play my newest podcasts.” You can also ask Siri about the podcast that is currently playing and request to be subscribed! Just tell Siri “subscribe to this show!”

Watch Full Video —————> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1_Tszo91y8

Funny jokes and notes from a day and the life Off the hook Comedy Club. Off the hook comedy club post on twitter daily follow us #naplescaptainslog for the latest info.

The captain’s log is officially sponsored by Captain Brien Spirits maker of Captain Brien Sugar Free and Gluten Free Vodka, Barrel Aged Dark Rum, White Rum, and Gin!

Check Comedian Johnny B out and show them some love at:


Episode 274: Come Get Catfished



The #nitrocomedytour is here to tell us some of their crazy stories! Join Catfish Cooley, Andrew Conn and John on this episode of the #naplescaptainslog!

Siri can now help you listen to your favorite podcasts! Say things like “play The Captains Log” or “play my newest podcasts.” You can also ask Siri about the podcast that is currently playing and request to be subscribed! Just tell Siri “subscribe to this show!”

Watch Full Video —————> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1_Tszo91y8

Funny jokes and notes from a day and the life Off the hook Comedy Club. Off the hook comedy club post on twitter daily follow us #naplescaptainslog for the latest info.

The captain’s log is officially sponsored by Captain Brien Spirits maker of Captain Brien Sugar Free and Gluten Free Vodka, Barrel Aged Dark Rum, White Rum, and Gin!

Check Comedians Catfish Cooley and Andrew Conn out and show them some love at:


Episode 273: I Ate the Bones!:E



The hilarious Erik Myers is back with his new wife Sara Myers on this episode of the #naplescaptainslog

Siri can now help you listen to your favorite podcasts! Say things like “play The Captains Log” or “play my newest podcasts.” You can also ask Siri about the podcast that is currently playing and request to be subscribed! Just tell Siri “subscribe to this show!”

Watch Full Video —————> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BFHHhxau-D0

Funny jokes and notes from a day and the life Off the hook Comedy Club. Off the hook comedy club post on twitter daily follow us #naplescaptainslog for the latest info.

The captain’s log is officially sponsored by Captain Brien Spirits maker of Captain Brien Sugar Free and Gluten Free Vodka, Barrel Aged Dark Rum, White Rum, and Gin!

Check Erik Myers out and show him some love at:


Episode 270: Let’s Be Ultra Spiritual



Comedian and life coach JP Sears joins the #naplescaptainslog to discuss his comedy series Ultra Spiritual!

Siri can now help you listen to your favorite podcasts! Say things like “play The Captains Log” or “play my newest podcasts.” You can also ask Siri about the podcast that is currently playing and request to be subscribed! Just tell Siri “subscribe to this show!”

Watch Full Video —————> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K6kCzWOn6E4

Funny jokes and notes from a day and the life Off the hook Comedy Club. Off the hook comedy club post on twitter daily follow us #naplescaptainslog for the latest info.

The captain’s log is officially sponsored by Captain Brien Spirits maker of Captain Brien Sugar Free and Gluten Free Vodka, Barrel Aged Dark Rum, White Rum, and Gin!

Check Comedian JP Sears out and show him some love at:


Episode 269: Comedian Ricky Cruz



Comedian Ricky Cruz is on the #naplescaptainslog discussing his career and friendship with the late Ralphie May.

Siri can now help you listen to your favorite podcasts! Say things like “play The Captains Log” or “play my newest podcasts.” You can also ask Siri about the podcast that is currently playing and request to be subscribed! Just tell Siri “subscribe to this show!”

Watch Full Video —————> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MiBBN17hOe8

Funny jokes and notes from a day and the life Off the hook Comedy Club. Off the hook comedy club post on twitter daily follow us #naplescaptainslog for the latest info.

The captain’s log is officially sponsored by Captain Brien Spirits maker of Captain Brien Sugar Free and Gluten Free Vodka, Barrel Aged Dark Rum, White Rum, and Gin!

Check Comedian Ricky Cruz out and show him some love at:


Episode 266 Portland Comedy Festival



Comedians Dante and Rebekah join the #naplescaptainslog to discuss the Portland Comedy Festival with Captain Brien!

Siri can now help you listen to your favorite podcasts! Say things like “play The Captains Log” or “play my newest podcasts.” You can also ask Siri about the podcast that is currently playing and request to be subscribed! Just tell Siri “subscribe to this show!”

Watch Full Video —————> https://youtu.be/8MhJRIxsWWw

Funny jokes and notes from a day and the life Off the hook Comedy Club. Off the hook comedy club post on twitter daily follow us #naplescaptainslog for the latest info.

The captain’s log is officially sponsored by Captain Brien Spirits maker of Captain Brien Sugar Free and Gluten Free Vodka, Barrel Aged Dark Rum, White Rum, and Gin!

Check Dante and Rebekah out and show them some love at:


Episode 265 It’s Tom Green, not Green Tom!



The man, the myth, the legendary Tom Green joins this episode of the #naplescaptainslog to tell us about his career and his most recent project, his new album! You can purchase his new album on a green vinyl or find it on apple music!

Siri can now help you listen to your favorite podcasts! Say things like “play The Captains Log” or “play my newest podcasts.” You can also ask Siri about the podcast that is currently playing and request to be subscribed! Just tell Siri “subscribe to this show!”

Watch Full Video —————> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QsD2DUObEAs

Funny jokes and notes from a day and the life Off the hook Comedy Club. Off the hook comedy club post on twitter daily follow us #naplescaptainslog for the latest info.

The captain’s log is officially sponsored by Captain Brien Spirits maker of Captain Brien Sugar Free and Gluten Free Vodka, Barrel Aged Dark Rum, White Rum, and Gin!

Check Tom Green out and show him some love at:

PODCAST RECAP

Miss something on one of our episodes of the #naplescaptainslog? Don’t worry we got you covered! Here you will find a full transcript from this episode of the #naplescaptainslog!

Captain Brien: We could do it. Let’s do it, guys. The Captain’s Log with Tom Green.

Tom Green: Oh my God, yeah.

Captain Brien: Hey, we are live.

Tom Green: Yeah, what about that camera?

Captain Brien: This one, let’s turn them all on.

Tom Green: You’ve got so many cameras, Captain Brien.

Captain Brien: We’re gonna turn everything on and go live.

Tom Green: Captain Brien’s got so many cameras. I don’t know which one to look at.

Captain Brien: Do you like it?

Tom Green: I like it. I’m not gonna look at any of the cameras.

Captain Brien: You’re not gonna look.

Tom Green: Because I don’ want to look like I’m looking at the wrong camera.

Captain Brien: No, no, of course not.

Tom Green: This time I’m gonna look around at stuff. Not gonna look at any of the cameras because I don’t want to look like I’m looking at the wrong camera, so I’m just going to look around at stuff.

Captain Brien: Yeah, don’t look at anything.

Tom Green: I said that twice.

Captain Brien: We need gas today though. Today’s the first time I think I might have to get gas live on The Log.

Tom Green: Have you ever run out of gas on The Captain’s Log?

Captain Brien: On The Log? No, that would not be fun. I haven’t done much driving tactics on The Log, mostly just driving.

Tom Green: Yeah.

Captain Brien: Not a lot of, I haven’t gotten pulled over.

Tom Green: Yeah.

Captain Brien: Thank God I haven’t gotten in an accident.

Tom Green: Yeah.

Captain Brien: Mostly just driving.

Tom Green: That’s cool.

Captain Brien: Yeah.

Tom Green: I’ve watched the show quite a bit.

Captain Brien: Well I appreciate that. You know what’s funny is of course–

Tom Green: It’s my favorite show.

Captain Brien: It’s your favorite?

Tom Green: I can’t believe I’m on this. I feel like I’m doing Letterman right now, for the first time.

Captain Brien: Well speaking of–

Tom Green: I’m a little nervous.

Captain Brien: You are now doing a Larry King.

Tom Green: Yes, yeah.

Captain Brien: Which is amazing.

Tom Green: I’m guest hosting Larry King Now.

Captain Brien: Larry King Now.

Tom Green: Which is on Hulu and Ora TV, and it’s been really cool and I’ve gotten to do multiple episodes of the show, 10 episodes we’ve done already, and I think we’re going to be doing more.

Captain Brien: Do they release all of them at once?

Tom Green: No, they kind of been coming out–

Captain Brien: The come out like daily or weekly?

Tom Green: Yep, a few a week, yeah.

Captain Brien: Yeah.

Tom Green: Daily I think, yep.

Captain Brien: That’s cool.

Tom Green: Yeah, so.

Captain Brien: And how, how’s the studio? Is it like a big production thing or–

Tom Green: Yeah.

Captain Brien: Is it, I mean, it’s legit, like, it’s like–

Tom Green: Larry King Studios. It’s amazing, yeah, it’s incredible. That’s what’s cool about it ’cause I’ve done home made broadcasts, kind of like this, where I hooked up a bunch of cameras and done web shows and things. But it’s cool to be able to go down there and have like a full state of the art television studio.

Captain Brien: Speaking of which, Josh Pray is on there right now.

Tom Green: Yeah.

Captain Brien: Josh, what’s up buddy.

Tom Green: Oh yeah, you can see people.

Captain Brien: We’re gonna do a little deal with Tom Green this week. I told them we’re going to get hooked up.

Tom Green: Yeah.

Captain Brien: Yeah, so this–

Tom Green: Oh Josh Pray’s your friend you were telling me about.

Captain Brien: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Tom Green: Who’s got millions of followers.

Captain Brien: Yeah, he’s my boy, so we’re gonna hook it up.

Tom Green: Hey Josh, can you tell your followers to go look at my YouTube channel? I posted two new music videos this week.

Captain Brien: And how you gonna rap? You rap about your new song.

Tom Green: Yeah, I have a new song. We just world premiered it. We just played it on 105.5.

Captain Brien: Five, yeah, The Beat.

Tom Green: The Beat, it’s called–

Captain Brien: And the name of the song is?

Tom Green: I want to be friends with Drake.

Captain Brien: I love that.

Tom Green: I want to be friends with Drake.

Captain Brien: I Love that. That, that kind of is everybody’s.

Tom Green: Yeah.

Captain Brien: Song.

Tom Green: Yeah.

Captain Brien: That’s their theme song.

Tom Green: Yeah.

Captain Brien: Who doesn’t?

Tom Green: Who doesn’t like Drake?

Captain Brien: What’s the, what’s the beat, your favorite line in the song?

Tom Green: In my song?

Captain Brien: Yeah.

Tom Green: I think it’s, “I know you said “no new friends homie but that’s exactly who I am.”

Captain Brien: I was, I was looking at beat, but I love the photography that you did, the footage of the video. They have to go your Tom Green, not on your Facebook, I’m sorry, on your YouTube because you have the video, and you shot it all across Asia, right?

Tom Green: Yeah, so I’m here doing–

Captain Brien: Which I love.

Tom Green: I’m here in Florida doing stand up comedy at Off The Hook this weekend, and I’m touring all the time, but I was in Asia a few weeks ago, did a three week tour throughout the continent of Asia, Hong Kong, Thailand, Vietnam, Singapore, Philippines and China, Shanghai, China. And so we shot three music videos over there actually.

Captain Brien: Wow.

Tom Green: Two of which have just been premiered. There’s a second video up on the website also.

Captain Brien: What I love about all the stuff you do, it’s so organic, like everything you post is just stuff that you create, your content. It’s original for you. And you were like one of the first guys to even do that, period.

Tom Green: Yeah, I was into skateboarding videos when I was a teenager, and I remember seeing skateboarding videos, Tony Hawk.

Captain Brien: Yeah.

Tom Green: Who I just interviewed on Larry King Now. Who is now a friend of mine but I was, he was my idol when I was growing up. And part of the reason was ’cause I just, not only ’cause I loved watching the skateboarding but I loved watching the videos they would make. And that was the first time I remembered ever seeing like videos that weren’t made by a major television network.

Captain Brien: Right.

Tom Green: And you know how the world’s changed, right, now everybody’s making videos themselves and posting on Facebook, so we’re used to seeing raw, guerrilla kind of content now. But back in the 80s, right, that was just so rare to see anything that was, and to me it was appealing to me because you felt like you were seeing something you weren’t really supposed to see.

Captain Brien: Yeah.

Tom Green: It wasn’t run through a corporation, a series of checks and balances, and you get the sanitized show. It was like a lot of, you know, there used to be this video called Faces of Death, that people would watch. It was on a VHS, people would hand it around. And it was like crazy, like, “Oh a guy jumps “out of a plane, his parachute doesn’t open “and he lands in a pit of alligators.” Probably was all fake, but it felt real.

Captain Brien: Right, there is some like–

Tom Green: I don’t like to date myself and sound really old or whatever but I’m 47 years old, you know.

Captain Brien: You’re not old.

Tom Green: Yeah, I remember, but you know I’m, if you’re 20 though, 47 is really old, right.

Captain Brien: Right.

Tom Green: So if you’re 20, that sounds really old. When a 20 year old hears somebody talking about how they remember the world before cell phones.

Captain Brien: Before the internet.

Tom Green: Before the internet, before reality TV.

Captain Brien: Yeah.

Tom Green: That’s like when we were kids, hearing somebody talking about like how grandma didn’t used to have electricity.

Captain Brien: Right, it is, it is.

Tom Green: And you’d be thinking like, “Wow, my grandma’s old, she didn’t have electricity.”

Captain Brien: How does that happen.

Tom Green: It’s almost probably weirder to imagine the world without the internet and cellphones for a young person today because we’re so consumed by them, you know.

Captain Brien: What I find absolutely amazing, is that when it’s as new as like, “Oh iTunes, like you didn’t remember iTunes?” And I’m like, that’s not that old.

Tom Green: Yeah.

Captain Brien: YouTube is 12 years old. It’s not that old.

Tom Green: Yeah, isn’t that crazy?

Captain Brien: But like my kids, they don’t understand, like.

Tom Green: YouTube, this thing we’re on now, it’s 12 years old.

Captain Brien: Yeah, right, it’s amazing.

Tom Green: Yeah, it’s amazing.

Captain Brien: It really is.

Tom Green: Rome Marriquin.

Captain Brien: Brian Fox. I got some friends in Wakefield.

Tom Green: Shelly Misorowski.

Captain Brien: Back in the High School Days, Wakefield Mass in the house, when Tom Green was hitting it big time.

Tom Green: All right.

Captain Brien: All fans, all fans of your show, not to mention fans right now. So how did you know like–

Tom Green: Doroda Blair is watching.

Captain Brien: It wasn’t a thing to record people.

Tom Green: Jeremy.

Captain Brien: And do funny videos and like, how did you know that was going to be okay? Like you could just do it. You were just hoping? Or did you feel like, “Hey I’m going to make something out of this.” ‘Cause you really went in full. I mean, you started doing it like.

Tom Green: Yeah I went to school for broadcasting. I was a huge David Letterman fan. Loved Late Night with David Letterman and The Late Show, and loved when he would go out in the street and I loved when he’d do things that were kind of edgy, like you know, go out and yell at people with his megaphone out of his office at people in the street, or deliver a fruit basket to the you know, CEO of GE or whatever. So it was like a, you know, it was something I was sort of a huge fan of. And I just thought, I want to try to do sort of a guerrilla version of that.

Captain Brien: Okay.

Tom Green: A non-networked version of that. And you know, like I was a man of traditional comedy. I loved SCTV and Monty Python and Saturday Night Live and funny movies and comedians and stuff. So I was aware that there was sort of a mainstream way of doing things, and then there was the skateboard video way of doing things. So I tried to kind of combine the two and you know I did pursue trying to get the show picked up by MTV. I mean, we did the show for years in Canada. We were on a small network in Canada.

Captain Brien: Right.

Tom Green: First before MTV. Started on Public Access, did the show for free for years, several years.

Captain Brien: People don’t get that that leads to so many things sometimes.

Tom Green: Yeah.

Captain Brien: You know, putting in the time, putting in the energy and making something out of nothing, and then you built enough that it has value.

Tom Green: The Captain’s Log could easily be–

Captain Brien: Correct, like look at this show, dammit.

Tom Green: On CBS someday.

Captain Brien: That’s right. I’m doing it for free.

Tom Green: Some day we’ll be watching this on CBS, Captain Brien on the Captain’s Log. Late night, CBS late night, right after Steven Colbert comes on, The Captain’s Log.

Captain Brien: You do inspire me for that.

Tom Green: And you’ll say, “You know I did this show “for free for awhile.”

Captain Brien: Because I’ve been doing this now for quite a long time. People say, “Well why do you do it, man?” Well it’s, number one, I like to document everything that we have going on in life.

Tom Green: Yeah.

Captain Brien: All them cool people like yourself that I meet.

Tom Green: Yeah.

Captain Brien: I mean, it’s not like, I may not have this opportunity if I didn’t have a comedy club or if I didn’t have this, the ability to turn on the cameras and just roll with it.

Tom Green: This is the new business model for show business, right, you have a comedy club, you’re selling tickets. People are watching. Presumably some of these amazing people are going to come down to the comedy club.

Captain Brien: That’s right, yes.

Tom Green: Tonight, Friday, Saturday, Sunday night in Naples, Off The Hook Comedy.

Captain Brien: To see the famous Tom Green.

Tom Green: Come on down. I’m doing six shows. And so you know, that’s the revenue model now, right. You know, we’re selling tickets here.

Captain Brien: We are.

Tom Green: It’s interesting you know, like like people sort of, who don’t do standup, who are in the entertainment business, don’t really think I think about the show business model the same way.

Captain Brien: Right.

Tom Green: Once you start doing standup, you really think of it differently.

Captain Brien: Because you’re with the people.

Tom Green: Yeah.

Captain Brien: And I think that’s also why that they’re casting so many comedians in movies these days too, because they’re actually, it’s almost like a rock star, right, where you go out and you have a concert tour because you released an album.

Tom Green: Yeah.

Captain Brien: What other, it’s not like Tom Cruise is touring around theaters, saying, “Hey everybody, come watch my movie.”

Tom Green: Yeah, although I would go to that show.

Captain Brien: I would too.

Tom Green: That would be cool.

Captain Brien: It’d be a very good show.

Tom Green: Tom Cruise started doing standup, I would be the first in line. I would love to see that. And he’d probably be really good too.

Captain Brien: I bet.

Tom Green: He’s obviously a great performer.

Captain Brien: Charismatic.

Tom Green: Yeah, absolutely. But you know, you know, Tom Cruise–

Captain Brien: You ever meet him?

Tom Green: I never met him but he went to my school. He lived in Ottawa for awhile when he was in Canada.

Captain Brien: Really.

Tom Green: Yeah, his dad was in the US Navy. And he actually, rumor has it, we were, he lived on the same street that I lived on when I grew up, where I grew up.

Captain Brien: Wow.

Tom Green: But I’ve never had the opportunity to run into Tom Cruise and ask him about that.

Captain Brien: Who would you want to meet?

Tom Green: Well I’ve met David Letterman but I would love to interview David Letterman, ’cause you know.

Captain Brien: ‘Cause of the beards now? ‘Cause you look alike?

Tom Green: Just ’cause I have a million questions for him and was just such an inspiration to me and I look up to him, so it’d be cool to be able to interview him and do that. Who have I not met that I would like to meet? I’ve met, I was doing a bit recently, I was sort of screwing around with like audience recently in one of my shows.

Captain Brien: Yeah.

Tom Green: And you know, the bit is that basically, I’ve basically met everybody except Tom Cruise. I basically met everybody.

Captain Brien: And Drake.

Tom Green: And so like name, yeah.

Captain Brien: Wait did you meet Drake?

Tom Green: No, I haven’t met Drake.

Captain Brien: But he’s coming soon.

Tom Green: But I mean, not to play celebrity name dropping here on Captain Brien’s, The Log, but name somebody, I’ll tell you whether or not I’ve met them or not.

Captain Brien: Howard Stern.

Tom Green: Met him, yes, yes, I’ve been on–

Captain Brien: Good guy?

Tom Green: Yeah, good, great guy.

Captain Brien: That’s probably one of the only guys I want to meet.

Tom Green: Been on his show.

Captain Brien: I want to meet him.

Tom Green: Yeah. Howard Stern phoned my on my cellphone a couple of times, and we had private, off-radio conversations.

Captain Brien: Very cool.

Tom Green: He was always very supportive. Okay, who else?

Captain Brien: Females, let’s see.

Tom Green: Anybody, name anybody.

Captain Brien: How about–

Tom Green: I’ve met everybody.

Tom Green: I’ve been living in Hollywood for 20 years.

Captain Brien: Cindy Crawford, Cindy Crawford?

Tom Green: Never met her.

Captain Brien: Ah, see.

Tom Green: Never met her, no.

Captain Brien: do you care to meet her?

Tom Green: Yeah. I would like to meet her. I would like to meet everybody. I like everybody.

Captain Brien: Yeah.

Tom Green: Okay but seriously I’ve met everybody. Name someone, I’ve met them. Other than Tom Cruise and Cindy Crawford.

Captain Brien: Let’s see, how about–

Tom Green: And then I’ll tell you a little, a brief story about–

Captain Brien: About, about everyone.

Tom Green: About where we met and how we met, yeah.

Captain Brien: Did you ever meet Barbara Streisand?

Tom Green: Never met her, but I did see her in a restaurant once.

Captain Brien: Joan Rivers.

Tom Green: Joan Rivers I have met. She was amazingly supportive of me. We were on The Celebrity Apprentice together. She won that season. Also I did her show In Bed With Joan, so I actually know her–

Captain Brien: Oh you did that? I thought that was a great show.

Tom Green: Yeah, it was kind of like this.

Captain Brien: Yeah.

Tom Green: I’m glad I’m not in bed with you right now.

Captain Brien: Yeah, well we have, let’s not, let’s not lie to the camera. It’s been in the past, I mean.

Tom Green: Yeah, we don’t want to talk about that.

Captain Brien: Yeah.

Tom Green: But yeah, I love Joan, and she was an incredible legend.

Captain Brien: She really was.

Tom Green: Okay, next.

Captain Brien: I don’t know. Who was the person that you’re most proud that you met?

Tom Green: The proudest person to have met?

Captain Brien: Yeah. Or the most inspiring person.

Tom Green: Probably Letterman.

Captain Brien: Letterman, yeah.

Tom Green: That was the most exciting moment for me, when I got asked to be a guest on his show. And then I got to guest host his show once too actually.

Captain Brien: Oh wow.

Tom Green: Guest hosted Letterman once as well. So that was probably for me a big deal. But you know, it’s, it’s cool. I am sort of a big fan of so much comedy and films and television, so I do get a little bit of a thrill–

Captain Brien: Do you?

Tom Green: Out of meeting people, yeah, I get that.

Captain Brien: I didn’t actually expect that.

Tom Green: I get nervous when I know I’m going to interview someone that I’ve never interviewed before. I get nervous if I have to go to a-

Captain Brien: More nervous than being on The Captain’s Log or less?

Tom Green: More nervous.

Captain Brien: Way more.

Tom Green: More nervous, yes.

Captain Brien: Wow, shocking, shocking.

Tom Green: On the scale of nervousness from one to 10 right now, I’m at around a two.

Captain Brien: A two.

Tom Green: Yeah.

Captain Brien: I really bring the best out of you.

Tom Green: Well I’m still a little nervous though.

Captain Brien: It could be, it could be a point five.

Tom Green: Yeah, exactly, yeah.

Captain Brien: I know, I know, so that’s good, that’s good. I’m feel good about that.

Tom Green: Yeah.

Captain Brien: Now that he’s put it in perspective.

Tom Green: Yeah.

Captain Brien: So what do you think–

Tom Green: Let’s put it this way though, when I’m going to sleep at night, I’m about a three.

Captain Brien: Thanks. You didn’t have to throw that in. We didn’t have to add that part at all.

Tom Green: No, I get, I have a lot of anxiety, so, ’cause you’re sort of keeping my mind occupied right now. I’m actually a little less nervous than I would be.

Captain Brien: So I put you at ease.

Tom Green: When I got to sleep, I’m like, oh my God, yeah, am I going to have a heart attack in my sleep?

Captain Brien: If you need me to cuddle tonight.

Tom Green: Am I going to wake up in the morning?

Captain Brien: If you need me to come over to cuddle.

Tom Green: Yeah.

Captain Brien: To put you to sleep like this, I’m happy to do that.

Tom Green: Yeah, okay. Yeah I know you’ve got some stuff you gotta do, so.

Captain Brien: I want to make sure that you’re comfortable here in Florida.

Tom Green: Yeah, no, it’s fine. Everything’s fine.

Captain Brien: Six big shows, Off The Hook Comedy Club.

Tom Green: Yeah, yeah.

Captain Brien: How could they find you on Instagram? You’re at Tom Green, right?

Tom Green: Tom Green on Instagram.

Captain Brien: Yeah.

Tom Green: Tom Green Live on Twitter. And I’m on Facebook. But go to Instagram first because I’m on there the most.

Captain Brien: You’re the most relevant there. You’re posting stuff all of the time.

Tom Green: I like it more. I like it more.

Captain Brien: Yeah, yeah.

Tom Green: I like the pictures. I read the comments. But I’m on YouTube also, my YouTube channel. So come find me.

Captain Brien: So come out with Tom.

Tom Green: Kevin Brasie is watching.

Captain Brien: Kevin Brasie, yeah, Wakefield.

Tom Green: Oh Brasie, I’m sorry.

Captain Brien: My homie from Wakefield.

Tom Green: The French pronunciation.

Captain Brien: And then Bob, Boston Bob and Brad.

Tom Green: Kevin Brasie.

Captain Brien: All kinds of people watching today, saying hello to Tom Green.

Tom Green: Hey everybody.

Captain Brien: They’re star struck Tom, star struck, like me.

Tom Green: So glad to see you guys. Please come out and see me tonight. And I actually have my album for sale too, at the show, a vinyl record.

Captain Brien: You do have a vinyl record.

Tom Green: Printed on green vinyl. And I have a few copies available.

Captain Brien: I need to get, I’ll trade you a signed vinyl for a signed bottle of Captain Brien’s Vodka.

Tom Green: Oh my God, that’s amazing.

Captain Brien: Is that a good deal?

Tom Green: Yeah, that’s a good deal.

Captain Brien: That’s a barter.

Tom Green: That’s amazing.

Captain Brien: That’s a win for both of us.

Tom Green: Absolutely.

Captain Brien: All right guys, this is The Captain’s Log. This is my friend, Tom Green. It’s been a pleasure, buddy.

Tom Green: Thank you.

Captain Brien: Listen, I always appreciate you coming.

Tom Green: Thank you.

Captain Brien: To the Club.

Tom Green: Thank you.

Captain Brien: One of my favorites. It’s been many years now we’re working together.

Tom Green: Yeah. How many? Like almost 10 years.

Captain Brien: Almost 10 years. And for me, it’s an honor and it’s exciting. You guys are going to get a great show. Off The Hook Comedy Club, Tom Green. This is The Captain’s Log. Thanks for watching guys. Have a good day, be the best. And I’m out.

Tom Green: Peace.

Captain Brien: Later.


Epsiode 262 Show Me Your Naples!



Comedian Eric Schwartz aka Smooth-E rides along with Captain B as they rap some tunes for the #naplescaptainslog

Siri can now help you listen to your favorite podcasts! Say things like “play The Captains Log” or “play my newest podcasts.” You can also ask Siri about the podcast that is currently playing and request to be subscribed! Just tell Siri “subscribe to this show!”

Watch Full Video —————> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEizwj9TVMU

Funny jokes and notes from a day and the life Off the hook Comedy Club. Off the hook comedy club post on twitter daily follow us #naplescaptainslog for the latest info.

The captain’s log is officially sponsored by Captain Brien Spirits maker of Captain Brien Sugar Free and Gluten Free Vodka, Barrel Aged Dark Rum, White Rum, and Gin!

Check Eric Schwartz out and show him some love at:

PODCAST RECAP

Miss something on one of our episodes of the #naplescaptainslog? Don’t worry we got you covered! Here you will find a full transcript from this episode of the #naplescaptainslog!

Eric Schwartz: ♪ I’m sad ♪ ♪ Drippin’ in a downward spiral ♪ ♪ Need advice ♪ ♪ Hit up TripAdvisor ♪ ♪ Lookin’ for a place to get me out of this mess ♪ ♪ Ooh the happiest place in the whole U.S. ♪ ♪ Southwest Florida ♪ ♪ Is it true? ♪ ♪ The land of the snowboards ♪ ♪ And the white hairdos ♪ ♪ The leaves don’t change ♪ ♪ But the license plates do ♪ ♪ Where they invite reptiles ♪ ♪ Into the swimming pools ♪ ♪ Those crazy golden gaters ♪ ♪ They be wrestling with gators ♪ ♪ If you don’t have a nice car ♪ ♪ You probably ain’t from Naples ♪ ♪ Where they live up to the name ♪ ♪ Of the knee-high acres ♪ ♪ If don’t root for the Pats ♪ ♪ You’re a straight-up traitor ♪ ♪ Where they release pets to the Everglades ♪ ♪ And they have bunch of chupacabras and skunk apes ♪ ♪ I’m hype with the trip ♪ ♪ But I gotta ask the people ♪ ♪ If I do make the visit ♪ ♪ You gotta show me your Naples ♪ ♪ Show me your Naples ♪ ♪ Where 69 degrees means it’s winter season ♪ ♪ Show me your Naples ♪ ♪ Up in Immokalee they got the orange juice squeezin’ ♪ ♪ Show me your Naples ♪ ♪ Fort Myers is lovely but also kinda foggy ♪ ♪ Show me your Naples ♪ ♪ They act all boujee ’til they hit the clubs ♪ ♪ But they got a lot of sea shells ♪ ♪ Even more golf courses ♪ ♪ Keeping them exclusive security forces ♪ ♪ Got kicked off the fairway ♪ ♪ Wasn’t fair ♪ ♪ They were like sir ♪ ♪ This is a cemetery ♪ ♪ Oops my bad ♪ ♪ They’re both green lawns ♪ ♪ One’s eighteen holes ♪ ♪ One’s a whole four one ♪ ♪ But now my golf cart’s dead ♪ ♪ Do you have jumper cables? ♪ ♪ And while you’re at it ♪ ♪ Why don’t you show me your Naples ♪ ♪ Show me your Naples ♪ ♪ Fort Misery Nap ♪ ♪ Down the cape in the rock ♪ ♪ Show me your Naples ♪ ♪ Got the beaches on fleek ♪ ♪ Grandparents on lock ♪ ♪ Show me your Naples ♪ ♪ Giving that shine ♪ ♪ To the two three nine ♪ ♪ Show me your Naples ♪ ♪ Show me yours ♪ ♪ I’ll show you mine ♪ ♪ Oh you know it’s on ♪ ♪ We got Brian Spina on the Captain’s Log ♪ ♪ Stop drop and laugh ♪ ♪ That’s how we do it in the present ♪ ♪ Never the past ♪ ♪ We goin’ to the future ♪ ♪ Right now ♪ ♪ We got y’all tunin’ in ♪ ♪ And how are you doin’ today ♪ ♪ It’s a nice day ♪ ♪ It’s a Thursday ♪ ♪ Oo-Wee hey ♪

Captain Brien: Now that’s a frickin’ intro, dude.

Eric Schwartz: That’s how we do it.

Captain Brien: I need that every time. Welcome to the Captain’s Log, guys. Eric Schwartz is live,

Eric Schwartz: What’s up, dude?

Captain Brien: What’s up, buddy.

Eric Schwartz: Two hands on the wheel.

Captain Brien: Love it. I know, I know, look, I’m gonna turn on auto-drive, so we’re good.

Captain Brien: We’re gonna be half-driving auto.

Eric Schwartz: You have a self-driving car already?

Captain Brien: A little bit-

Eric Schwartz: Already?

Captain Brien: A little bit.

Eric Schwartz: Already?

Captain Brien:It’ll do halfway.

Eric Schwartz: This is the biggest multitasker on the internet. He’s running a comedy club, he’s going live, he’s taking the comedian to radio, and he’s driving.

Captain Brien: They’re gonna have to pay attention to the road.

Eric Schwartz: Yeah, and driving a coffee.

Captain Brien: And drink.

Eric Schwartz: Yeah, and drink. I feel secure in this guy’s hands because I’ve watched him on the Captain’s Log, we were having a conversation on the way up here, and I went like this, I went like this: “Are we on the air right now?”

Captain Brien: It wasn’t live, it wasn’t.

Eric Schwartz: It wasn’t live, so I dropped my f-bombs.

Captain Brien: You keep it smooth though.

Eric Schwartz: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Captain Brien: So we were just talking about this, you literally haven’t, this is the first appearance-

Eric Schwartz: On the Captain’s Log, yes.

Captain Brien: On the show, and we’ve been working together for, what?

Eric Schwartz: I think I was maybe in your first year you ever did comedy.

Captain Brien: Yeah, so like 14 years we’ve been together.

Eric Schwartz: Yeah, when you were in Marco Island. Fourteen years? Has it been fourteen years? Dude, we’re getting old.

Eric Schwartz: What?

Captain Brien: We’re getting old.

Eric Schwartz: Oh my god.

Captain Brien: Yeah, it’s been a while. Hey Kelsey, what’s up? Hey Mary, how’re you guys doing? Thank you for watching. Eric Schwartz is our guest. Tell them how they can find you on Instagram and Facebook, because you post amazing content, you’re a multi-medium.

Eric Schwartz: Multi-comedian.

Captain Brien: Oh, I got it wrong.

Eric Schwartz: No, it’s okay.

Captain Brien: It’s something you made up, ’cause that’s not in the English Dictionary.

Eric Schwartz: No, not yet, not yet.

Captain Brien: Yeah, it’s coming.

Eric Schwartz: Yeah, but multi-media meets comedy, that’s the show that I’m doing at the moment, it’s a really fun show, music, as you just saw, visuals, as you will see in the future, and stand-up comedy. At the base it’s stand-up comedy, and then it bridges off into all these cool fun things. But you can find me on Instagram, @eeericschwartz, with three e’s, e-e-e-r-i-c s-c-h-w-a-r-t-z-

Captain Brien: So fun to watch, guys, always doing something creative, something original. How’d you get into comedy?

Eric Schwartz: I started, actually, on the pool deck with my swim buddies, and I loved SNL, I loved stand-up, and I would recite other peoples’ material to my friends in high school, and they were like, “You’re funny, you should be a comedian,” and I never really took it seriously, I was like “I don’t have any of my own material”, and I started writing stuff down, and when I got to college, I’ve always been like a self-starter, so I would put on my own shows in the dorms, and I did a-

Captain Brien: I always threw my own parties, too,

Eric Schwartz: Did you?

Captain Brien: So maybe that’s why I do the comedy club thing, ’cause I’m still having a party every weekend.

Eric Schwartz: It’s kind of an extension of your high school self.

Captain Brien: It is.

Eric Schwartz: Except now, your parents can come home, you’ll be fine. I saw your parents last night at the club.

Captain Brien: They’re awesome, they’re there every night, they never not laugh.

Eric Schwartz: They’re awesome.

Captain Brien: They love every joke, even if they see it 10 times.

Eric Schwartz: I would come here, honestly, I would come here even if I weren’t performing for your restaurant.

Captain Brien: Thanks, man.

Eric Schwartz: It is so-

Captain Brien: I appreciate that.

Eric Schwartz: Because your mom’s key lime pie?

Captain Brien: The best.

Eric Schwartz: Dude, can I send one of those home?

Captain Brien: You can .

Eric Schwartz: Can I really?

Captain Brien: Yeah.

Captain Brien: For real? Yeah, we’re good, I’ll send you home with some key lime pie, some vodka, some rum, you’ll be Captain Brian all around.

Eric Schwartz: I talk about it so much, my girlfriend, sorry ladies, my girlfriend-

Captain Brien: Yeah, he’s taken, ladies.

Eric Schwartz: I felt-

Captain Brien: Damn! Talk about a buzzkill on the Log, bro.

Eric Schwartz: I’m sorry, dude.

Captain Brien: That’s horrible.

Eric Schwartz: I just- She likes when I talk about her now because it was getting crazy.

Captain Brien: Too much.

Eric Schwartz: It was too much.

Captain Brien: They want the baldness.

Eric Schwartz: Is that what it is?

Eric Schwartz: Yeah, this is, I mean, people do want to touch this, you know? They want this in their lives, and-

Captain Brien: All up in their lives.

Eric Schwartz: But to be honest, you don’t know, as a bald guy, you don’t have a problem-

Captain Brien: I’m getting there, I could be close. I’m trying to save it, though, I’ve been doing all kinds of stuff.

Eric Schwartz: Really?

Captain Brien: Yeah, I did the injections, the PRP, where they take the white blood cells out of your blood, and they put it back in.

Eric Schwartz: Really?

Captain Brien: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’m doing it, man.

Eric Schwartz: Wow, stem cells and the like, is that what that is?

Captain Brien: Well, it’s the PRP, it’s the white blood cells, yes, of your blood, which is the healing power, and it’s like magic for everything.

Eric Schwartz: Oh my god!

Captain Brien: We can do everything these days.

Eric Schwartz: Can they put them in your eyes?

Captain Brien: They put them in literally your joints, they put them in your junk, anywhere they put ’em, it helps it.

Eric Schwartz: Oh my, wow!

Captain Brien: Yeah, yeah.

Eric Schwartz: These are sealed over, though, there’s no coming back.

Captain Brien: Yeah, that’s waxed.

Eric Schwartz: Yeah, this is waxed, this is like if you’ve laminated paper, there’s no way you can get it out. But, I mean, people want to touch it all the time, and I know that you feel like it has magical powers or something, it doesn’t, like you’re not gonna feel it and be like “I felt a kick!”

Captain Brien: Nah, it’s not like a baby.

Eric Schwartz: It’s not like a baby.

Captain Brien: It looks so smooth, though!

Eric Schwartz: It does, it does, it looks smooth, it is smooth-

Captain Brien: I wouldn’t look as good-

Eric Schwartz: I just shaved it.

Captain Brien: As you, though, if I shaved, if I went bald, there’s no way I could pull it off, I don’t think, so I’m worried.

Eric Schwartz: You’d be fine! You’d be fine. As long as you don’t have a pug handle-

Captain Brien: Yeah, I don’t, I don’t have that. Do they get that from, is that like a muscle, fat, or just inherited?

Eric Schwartz: I don’t know, it’s just-

Captain Brien: I don’t have that.

Eric Schwartz: Sometimes, yeah, people just get like a pug pattern.

Captain Brien: What if they have a couple? Like it’s kind of cute to look at a couple.

Eric Schwartz: It is.

Captain Brien: A couple rolls in the back?

Eric Schwartz: I feel like I wanna take those guys and pick them up by the back of their necks.

Captain Brien: But they’re usually kind of big dudes.

Eric Schwartz: Yeah, they are.

Captain Brien: You never see a little dude with a bunch of little-

Eric Schwartz: You really don’t. Like Brad Williams? That’s be cute.

Captain Brien: We love Brad.

Eric Schwartz: Shoutout to Brad.

Captain Brien: Didn’t we do a show with Brad here with you or no?

Eric Schwartz: I don’t know, we used to do a lot of shows together, like in LA, the format is a little different with standup, where you do what’s called showcase style, and it’s like a bunch of people on a show, and we used to do a ton of shows together, and always really funny, and then his first special, I was doing interviews, it was at a comedy festival, and if you look at his first special, I think I’m in the intro interviewing him.

Captain Brien: Oh really?

Eric Schwartz: Like for a second.

Captain Brien: That’s awesome, that’s like your big credit?

Eric Schwartz: Yeah, that’s my credit.

Captain Brien: That’s your cred, dog, street cred.

Eric Schwartz: That’s my cred.

Captain Brien: You got another song you wanna play for me?

Eric Schwartz: Yeah, let’s do it.

Captain Brien: This guy can sing, he can dance, he can rap, he can give you tech support.

Eric Schwartz: That’s true.

Captain Brien: Right?

Eric Schwartz: I represent for the underrepresented.

Captain Brien: It’s what it is.

Eric Schwartz: I feel that myself, and there’s a lot of hip-hop that I love, but it doesn’t represent everybody, like every song you hear about women is always about women with big butts, which is great-

Captain Brien: I cannot lie.

Eric Schwartz: I can’t lie, right? My anaconda don’t want none unless you got buns, hon.

Captain Brien: Hey, Mandy, Jose, what’s happening? So before you start the song, I want to tell you that, one, I think you’re my sister’s and my niece’s favorite comic.

Eric Schwartz: Serious?

Captain Brien: Yeah, my sister, Charlene, and my niece Ariana, they were texting me this morning, “Oh my god, Eric’s in town! “That’s so great! “When is he coming back?”, they told me-

Eric Schwartz: Already?

Captain Brien: Your number one fans,

Eric Schwartz: Okay.

Captain Brien: No, before I bought you in.

Captain Brien: Number one fans, they actually fanboy on you, and they made me bring you back.

Eric Schwartz: Nice!

Captain Brien: Not that I wasn’t gonna, but they were begging, like, “When is he coming back? “We have to have him.” They love the songs, so hit me with a beat.

Eric Schwartz: Okay, so this one is for all the girls that don’t have the big butts, okay? You’re a flat booty girl in a fat booty world, this one is for you. ♪ Flat booty girl in a fat booty world ♪ ♪ She’s a flat booty girl in a fat booty world ♪ I learned this dance right here from 2 Chainz, you know 2 Chainz?

Captain Brien: Yeah, that’s how it is?

Eric Schwartz: Yeah. ♪ No tushy ♪ ♪ No booty ♪ ♪ No buttocks ♪ ♪ No bottom ♪ ♪ Flat like an iPad ♪ ♪ Apple bottom ♪ ♪ Don’t get me wrong ♪ ♪ I love ’em big and round ♪ ♪ But when she droppin’ low ♪ ♪ She got the same curves as the ground ♪ ♪ Sometimes I get tired ♪ ♪ That girl sat on my jacket ♪ ♪ It came out ironed ♪ ♪ She save a lot of space ♪ ♪ Without the big ol’ booty ♪ ♪ Her butt fits in a cup holder at the movies ♪ ♪ She got a shinin’ like a tiny diamond ♪ ♪ Took as long to find it ♪ ♪ As it took to find Bin Laden ♪ ♪ She got me reaching for the bee sting ♪ ♪ Makin’ g-strings out of tea string ♪ ♪ She makin’ skinny jeans baggy ♪ ♪ Lady where that ass be ♪ ♪ Makin’ Paris Hilton ♪ ♪ Look like Kim Kardashi ♪ ♪ And when she bent over for a spanking ♪ ♪ I thought she was blanking ♪ ♪ ‘Cause she’s a flat booty girl ♪ ♪ In a fat booty world ♪ ♪ Flat booty girl ♪ ♪ In a fat booty world ♪ ♪ Jew Chainz ♪ That’s me, Jew Chainz, all right.

Captain Brien: That’s a good jam.

Eric Schwartz: Thanks, it’s for everybody. ♪ I’m talkin’ white girls ♪ ♪ Black girls ♪ ♪ Especially my Asians ♪ ♪ Bring that flat booty to ♪

Captain Brien: I like this.

Eric Schwartz: ♪ This caucasian ♪ ♪ Latin girls with no curves ♪ ♪ Mommy let me see your ♪ ♪ Damila ♪ ♪ Damila ♪ ♪ Damilas tortillas ♪ ♪ Middle Eastern girls ♪ ♪ If your figure ain’t the fullest ♪ ♪ Bring me the pita ♪ ♪ I got the hummus ♪ ♪ All around the world ♪ ♪ We’re making it flatter ♪ ♪ You got the pancakes ♪ ♪ I got the batter ♪ ♪ Flat booty girl ♪ ♪ In a fat booty world ♪ That’s for all y’all.

Captain Brien: That’s right.

Eric Schwartz: Out there.

Captain Brien: Any booty’s a good booty.

Eric Schwartz: Any booty’s a good booty.

Captain Brien: I don’t have to hate on a booty if it’s not big. I’m not a big booty guy.

Eric Schwartz: You’re not?

Captain Brien: No, no.

Eric Schwartz: Too much butt?

Captain Brien: Too much butt is too much for me.

Eric Schwartz: Too much for you, I like all kinds of booty. If you have a big butt, don’t think that I don’t like you.

Captain Brien: Yeah, I mean I like big butts, and I cannot lie.

Eric Schwartz: Don’t lie.

Captain Brien: A small butt’s still good, like I’m not gonna hate on a little booty.

Eric Schwartz: It’s what’s inside the butt- oh no, that doesn’t really make sense.

Captain Brien: No, it’s not .

Eric Schwartz: Not really.

Captain Brien: April, what’s what’s goin’ on? Mandy, thank you for watching. Smooth E, AKA Eric Schwartz, Off the Hook Comedy Club this weekend, he’s on the Captain’s Log right now, guys, let us know where you’re watching from, your favorite comedian-rapper ever, I know. So do you write these lyrics all the time?

Captain Brien: What do you do?

Eric Schwartz: Yes, so, like, for example, the Naples song that I did-

Captain Brien: You were like “Yo, B, “I’m gonna write a-” I don’t know if you really said “Yo, B-”

Eric Schwartz: Yeah, I did.

Captain Brien: You did? I tried to make that sound cool.

Eric Schwartz: When you said it-

Captain Brien: You were like, “Hey, I wanna write a song about Naples “and what should I say?”, and I gave you a couple hints, and then you, dude, you blew it up, you ran with it. You showed everyone your Naples.

Eric Schwartz: I just showed my Naples. I just showed my Naples. So I research it, like I ask people who live in the city, I’ve done probably about a dozen of these songs about places-

Captain Brien: It’s a great date, too.

Eric Schwartz: Thank you.

Captain Brien: I’m one to promote, but then everyone wants to get behind it, because you’re talking about their town!

Eric Schwartz: That’s what I want,

Captain Brien: Genius!

Eric Schwartz: Thank you, I wanna show love for the places that I’m performing, and, you know, ingratiate myself into your graces, and I really do hope that you like it and I can represent it, and I wanna get those things that only people that live there would know, you know? That’s why I do research on the internet, but then I also ask people that live there what is the gist of the town, you know?

Captain Brien: I got people watching right now from Palm Springs, Cali-

Eric Schwartz: Wow, I live near there.

Captain Brien: Homer, New York, right? Mandy’s watching, let’s see-

Eric Schwartz: San Diego, cool!

Captain Brien: Aaron’s in San Diego. And yeah, guys, what’s happening, thanks for watching, we’re in Naples, Florida. This ain’t a bad place to live though, huh?

Eric Schwartz: No, it’s great, I love it. I was in San Diego, I was just in San Diego, I flew to visit my mom and my stepfather in Mexico-

Captain Brien: What part of Mexico?

Eric Schwartz: They live in a city called San Miguel De Allende.

Captain Brien: I was gonna say that,

Eric Schwartz: You were gonna say that?

Captain Brien: That was my first guess.

Eric Schwartz: Yeah, after Cancun? But it’s in the middle of the country in a state called Guanajuato.

Captain Brien: Oh, wow. Do they have good tapatio?

Eric Schwartz: Oh man, they got better than tapatio, they’ve got- the salsa there, I didn’t care what my stomach said, I just kept eating the salsa.

Captain Brien: Really?

Eric Schwartz: It was delicious, yeah.

Captain Brien: The tomatoes, they’re raised in Immokalee, right here in Immokalee, Florida, I wonder if they’re shipped to Mexico to make all those beautiful salsas.

Eric Schwartz: I think they might have tomatoes down there.

Captain Brien: They got their own tomatoes.

Eric Schwartz: They might have their own tomatoes down there.

Captain Brien: That’s probably the only other place that literally competes with Immokalee. You know that most of the tomatoes in the whole world come from there?

Eric Schwartz: Really?

Captain Brien: As well as oranges.

Eric Schwartz: Like romas?

Captain Brien: No, we do, I forget which ones we grow, exactly, but you guys can tell us, maybe, which ones we grow here in Immokalee, but we grow juicing oranges, and as the smog covers the road , I don’t know what just happened.

Eric Schwartz: There’s a truck that’s vaping.

Captain Brien: Like vaping on fire, obviously. But we grow juicing oranges, and we grow tomatoes.

Eric Schwartz: Cool.

Captain Brien: Like, for the whole world.

Eric Schwartz: I feel like I want Immokalee to grow broccoli, just for the rhyme. That’s the rhyme nerd in me.

Captain Brien: That would be great, yeah. That would be great, it really would.

Eric Schwartz: So I speak Spanish, and when I went down there, it was like I thought I spoke Spanish-

Captain Brien: Did you grow up speaking Spanish in your house?

Eric Schwartz: A little bit, but you know, just basic stuff, but I studied it in school, and then I learned the cultural stuff from my stepdad, and now I have this series called “Cultura”-

Captain Brien: Right, which is awesome.

Eric Schwartz: Aw, thanks, man.

Captain Brien: And dude, so I was just thinking you were just really smart and a really good actor, but now it’s like in the family. I can’t give you all the props but that is so funny when you do the mariachi and stuff.

Eric Schwartz: Oh, you saw the mariachi?

Captain Brien: Yeah, dude, great!

Eric Schwartz: So I have this video where I sing mariachi in a Mexican restaurant karaoke night, and I do this really tongue-twistery song, I’ll do a little sample of it, it’s called “El aventurero”:

Captain Brien: When you went off in the restaurant with that song, people were like “This dude really knows it?”

Eric Schwartz: They were like “What?” So the first time I heard that song was where my mom lives, in San Miguel de Allende-

Captain Brien: And how did you learn that song?

Eric Schwartz: I heard it, I’m like “That sounds really hard. “That sounds hard to sing. “I’m gonna learn it.” And I just-

Captain Brien: That is the nerd in you.

Eric Schwartz: Repetition, repetition, when I’m driving around, I’ll be playing songs in my car, and I try to do it, so here’s my method, I have one, I call it “training wheels”, okay, where it’s like the song with the lyrics on it, like for example, I’ll do it for you right now.

Captain Brien: Okay, let’s go.

Eric Schwartz: Here’s “Show Me Your Naples” here’s my training wheels song, ready?

Captain Brien: Here we go, we’re bringing it home.

Eric Schwartz:♪ Dripping in a downward spiral ♪ ♪ I need advice, hit up TripAdvisor ♪ See, it has the words on it, training wheels. ♪ Happiest place in the whole U.S. ♪ And then eventually, I’m like this: ♪ I’m sad, dripping in a downward spiral ♪ ♪ I need advice ♪ Instrumental! ♪ TripAdvisor ♪ ♪ Lookin’ for a place to get me out of this mess ♪ ♪ Southwest Florida ♪ ♪ Southwest Florida ♪ ♪ Southwest Florida, is it true ♪

Captain Brien: When the beat drops.

Eric Schwartz:♪ The land of the surfers ♪ ♪ And the white hairdos ♪ ♪ The leaves don’t change ♪ ♪ But the license plates do ♪ ♪ Where they invite reptiles into the swimming pools ♪ ♪ Oh those crazy golden gaters ♪ ♪ They be wrestling with gators ♪ Et cetera.

Captain Brien: Dude, it’s just so dope! If I could rap or sing or play an instrument, I would just go around rapping everywhere. I would just be like “Ah, there’s Captain B, he’s rapping again.”

Eric Schwartz: I’m not using my powers like I should.

Captain Brien: You should, you should.

Eric Schwartz: ♪ From now on, it’s on. ♪ ♪ It’s like a sauna ♪ ♪ And I’m just gonna ♪ ♪ Rap every word I can ♪ ♪ Everywhere I slam ♪ ♪ Everywhere I am ♪ ♪ Bam ♪

Captain Brien: I would just be like spittin’ lyrics everywhere, dude. It would be off.

Eric Schwartz: It would be off.

Captain Brien: Then it wouldn’t be fair to the other dudes-

Eric Schwartz: It really wouldn’t.

Captain Brien: It’d be like, “Aw, Captain B’s rapping again”.

Eric Schwartz: “Why is the Captain rappin’?”

Eric Schwartz: Yeah, yeah, you know. ♪ The rappin’ cap’n ♪ ♪ The rappin’ cap’n ♪ ♪ The rappin’ cap’n ♪

Captain Brien: All right, guys, we’re gonna wrap this up, speaking of rapping.

Eric Schwartz: All right.

Captain Brien: We’re gonna be on B1039, Big Momma and the Wild Bunch-

Eric Schwartz: Oh, all up in my own-

Captain Brien: Getting us on right now, You forgot he was in town this weekend, Lindsey, hello, don’t you dare forget about Smooth E, nobody forgets Smooth E.

Eric Schwartz: Nobody forgets, Lindsey.

Captain Brien: God.

Eric Schwartz: Monastery.

Captain Brien: The baldness is just life-changing.

Eric Schwartz: I tried to an impression of Big Mama, and it really hurt my voice.

Captain Brien: Did it?

Eric Schwartz: I went like this: “Hey, it’s Big Mama and the Wild Bunch.” Right?

Captain Brien: And then you had to wet your whistle?

Eric Schwartz: And I was like “Aw man, I can’t hack that.”

Captain Brien: Hey guys, this is the Captain’s Log, we are gonna go live right now on B1039, we just left 1055 The Beat, and I’m happy to have our comedian Eric Schwartz performing live all weekend, Off the Hook Comedy Club, get your tickets at offthehookcomedy.com, but more importantly, my buddy now, I appreciate being a friend of yours-

Eric Schwartz: Dude, likewise.

Captain Brien: It’s been a long time now, and I thank you for always being there.

Eric Schwartz: Thank you.

Captain Brien: Keep the funny going, man.

Eric Schwartz: I love the show, thanks for having me on.

Captain Brien: We’re in, we’re out, we’re done.


Episode 260 Carry On Tommy Davidson



Tommy Davidson joins the #naplescaptainslog to discuss sketch comedy and sings us a tune! Check out his voice!

Siri can now help you listen to your favorite podcasts! Say things like “play The Captains Log” or “play my newest podcasts.” You can also ask Siri about the podcast that is currently playing and request to be subscribed! Just tell Siri “subscribe to this show!”

Watch Full Video —————> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jkCd9T6TGu4

Funny jokes and notes from a day and the life Off the hook Comedy Club. Off the hook comedy club post on twitter daily follow us #naplescaptainslog for the latest info.

The captain’s log is officially sponsored by Captain Brien Spirits maker of Captain Brien Sugar Free and Gluten Free Vodka, Barrel Aged Dark Rum, White Rum, and Gin!

Check Tommy Davidson out and show him some love at:

PODCAST RECAP

Miss something on one of our episodes of the #naplescaptainslog? Don’t worry we got you covered! Here you will find a full transcript from this episode of the #naplescaptainslog!

Captain Brien: We are live. Tommy Davidson. It’s an honor, I appreciate it buddy. Thanks for joining me on the Captain’s Log today. How’s everything?

Tommy Davidson: I love how the shades went down.

Captain Brien: I gotta kinda look good, you know?

Tommy Davidson: Yeah, you just went shade down, shades down.

Captain Brien: I’m with Mr. Hollywood so I have to look all Hollywood for you.

Tommy Davidson: Shades down!

Captain Brien: You know? So what’s goin’ on man? How was the trip into Naples?

Tommy Davidson: It was good. Now, it’s about a 2 1/2 hour drive from Miami.

Captain Brien: Oh, you flew into Miami?

Tommy Davidson: Yeah, no, I drove into here.

Captain Brien: But you landed in Miami?

Tommy Davidson: Landed in Miami, stayed there a couple of days but as you’re driving here, you don’t want to pop a tire because you think you’re in Jurassic Park.

Captain Brien: You crossed alligator alley.

Tommy Davidson: Yeah, no, no like a literal raptor will come after you. But a beautiful drive and glad to be here and just, this is a corner of this world that’s kinda cool.

Captain Brien: It’s a little bit of a secret place, right?

Tommy Davidson: I mean, you know, I mean–

Captain Brien: Everyone’s found out about it now but it’s a little secret little paradise.

Tommy Davidson: I mean, I mean if you can find a road here. You know what I mean? If you can find a road here because I don’t know how people got here without a road.

Captain Brien: Right?

Tommy Davidson: You know what I mean? But, it has everything you want.

Captain Brien: Yup.

Tommy Davidson: I mean, come on. And I’m having a good time here. And it’s a good place to live if you’re a pair of golf shorts. Lot of golf goin’ on.

Captain Brien: Do you golf?

Tommy Davidson: I do not.

Captain Brien: I know you sing.

Tommy Davidson: I do not, but golf, what is golf? Trivia, quick, quickly.

Captain Brien: Okay, tell me.

Tommy Davidson: The game golf, what is the game golf guys? What is the game golf?

Captain Brien: Koba, Vicky, tell us, what’s golf?

Tommy Davidson: What is the game golf? Why is it called golf?

Captain Brien: I don’t know this.

Captain Brien: Okay? I’m a captain, I know fishing, not golf.

Tommy Davidson: Okay, golf is called, well there’s three names for a rabbit. Golf, hare and rabbit. The game is golf. Rabbit, rabbit into the hole. Boom!

Captain Brien: Oh, I see, I see. That’s good!

Tommy Davidson: You hit the rabbit.

Captain Brien: More importantly–

Tommy Davidson: Into the hole. Now, I don’t play

Captain Brien: I asked you don’t–

Tommy Davidson: That’s the only thing I know about golf.

Captain Brien: You don’t play golf, but you sing. I wanna hear a tune.

Tommy Davidson: Oh yeah?

Captain Brien: Yeah!

Captain Brien: ‘Cause you got a beautiful voice.

Tommy Davidson: I mean you name the tune… Or should I just start?

Captain Brien: You could just belt out a tune ’cause this, we’re live.

Tommy Davidson: ♪ Carry on my wayward son ♪ ♪ There’ll be peace when you are done ♪ ♪ Lay your weary head to rest ♪ ♪ Don’t you cry no more ♪

Captain Brien: That’s amazing, dude!

Tommy Davidson: That’s a little thing from Kansas back from you know, we’re not in Kansas anymore but…

Captain Brien: How did you just belt it out like that?

Tommy Davidson: I mean I can’t do it again.

Captain Brien: Just one time, that’s all you got?

Tommy Davidson: Yeah, hold on.

Tommy Davidson: Hold on, hold on.

Captain Brien: That’s amazing though.

Tommy Davidson: See the blood, the blood.

Captain Brien: I got goosebumps.

Tommy Davidson: Ha!

Captain Brien: It’s good. It’s amazing.

Tommy Davidson: Yeah, well amazing things happen when the cameras come on.

Captain Brien: The thing is like you’re the king of sketch comedy. In Living Color

Captain Brien: I’ll take that. Obviously like unbelievable.

Tommy Davidson: I’ll take that.

Captain Brien: It changed the comedy world, right?

Tommy Davidson: It changed the comedy landscape.

Captain Brien: I mean that was the thing. Like, if you weren’t watching In Living Color, you weren’t cool.

Tommy Davidson: You weren’t up on it.

Captain Brien: Right?

Tommy Davidson: You weren’t up on it and still it’s out there, still doing the same things that it was doing before which is making people cry laughing.

Captain Brien: What do you think about sketch comedy today? How do you feel, it’s changed? The same?

Tommy Davidson: It’s not that much of it.

Captain Brien: No.

Tommy Davidson: It’s not that much of it. So we were, we were the stock of it

Captain Brien: Yeah.

Tommy Davidson: at the time. And us, Saturday Night Live, were the stock of the sketch. Um, I don’t know much about sketch now because there’s not much. Now it’s reality.

Captain Brien: Now it’s all on the internet, I think. All the sketch

Tommy Davidson: Yeah. and the memes today.

Tommy Davidson: All the sketch, and… Okay, you’re right.

Captain Brien: Right.

Tommy Davidson: In the, what am I talking about? What am I talking about? You are absolutely right. And there is a lot of

Tommy Davidson:Well, the thing is. brilliant kids out there doing stuff.

Captain Brien: You were thinking about network sketch and I get that, there isn’t. You’re right.

Tommy Davidson: I mean, you know the internet wasn’t there.

Captain Brien: Right.

Tommy Davidson: So we had to do it that way. But, there is a lot of stuff.

Captain Brien: Yeah.

Tommy Davidson: And a lot of it sucks.

Captain Brien: That’s out there.

Tommy Davidson: It really sucks.

Captain Brien: You know what’s hard for me to follow?

Tommy Davidson: A lot of it sucks, dude.

Captain Brien: The kids watch these YouTube clips and these memes.

Tommy Davidson: A lot of it sucks, man. Get outta here, man! A lot of it sucks.

Captain Brien: My kids would do it, like they’ll watch.

Tommy Davidson: But, some of it is really good.

Captain Brien: Some is.

Tommy Davidson: I mean, some of it is really good, and it doesn’t matter your age. My eight year old is watching stuff, And I’m going, “Wow, that’s really good. That’s really good. And who am I to say it sucks or whatever, because sucks is a matter of perception. Your age group, I mean, I suck. You know?

Captain Brien: Well, what do you suck at? Nothing! You can sing, you can dance, you can tell comedy.

Tommy Davidson: I suck to my 12 year old.

Captain Brien: Oh yeah, you’re not as cool.

Tommy Davidson: Yeah.

Captain Brien: I know, they don’t . You’re cool with the whole world but to your 12 year old, you’re so lame. I’m the same way.

Tommy Davidson: I think I’m so fancy. I’m showing up.

Captain Brien: You were hanging with P Diddy.

Tommy Davidson: My son’s friends are looking at me like who’s the square?

Captain Brien: Right. You’re such a nerd.

Tommy Davidson: And I’m like, are you talking to me? I’ll bust you in your face.

Captain Brien: They don’t get it.

Tommy Davidson: I’ll bust you in your face, shorty. But, you know what? I love them.

Captain Brien: Of course.

Tommy Davidson: What are you kidding me?

Captain Brien: It’s amazing. Because they are me.

Captain Brien: And they are you without even realizing it. They get all the seeds, the juice. They know everything that you are knowing.

Tommy Davidson: Yeah, they turn me on to stuff. Good stuff that I didn’t even know, you know, that they give me. And, I can get that from the internet. I can get that from social media by just watching them.

Captain Brien: I agree.

Tommy Davidson: It’s just so much.

Captain Brien: When you said that some of the sketch comedy stuff on the internet sucks, it’s just different. Like to me, I don’t get my kids will watch a clip that has five million views and they’ll show me. They’ll be like, “This is so funny”. And, I’ll watch it,

Captain Brien: And you’ll be like,

Tommy Davidson: And you’ll be like, “I don’t get it”.

Captain Brien: Yeah, that’s really not. The guy was really good at editing, and he kept your attention for 30 seconds. So you liked it. But, I don’t really know what the message is or what’s funny.

Tommy Davidson: But they do.

Captain Brien: They don’t either. I think they like the quickness. The snap, the boom!

Tommy Davidson: It’s popularity, you know? It’s popularity. It can get scary. Who’s the lady? The woman that comes into the screen?

Captain Brien: That does the weird?

Tommy Davidson: Like, Rich Bitch. You know, she got kids doing things. You know, “Jump out the window!”

Captain Brien: The tea. The girl that does the tea.

Tommy Davidson: What’s her name?

Captain Brien: You know the tea girl?

Tommy Davidson: She’s like, “Jump out the window now!” It’s scary.

Captain Brien: She has a scary face.

Tommy Davidson: They’re in kids rooms by themselves, and the kid is on the computer doing homework, and, “Jump out the window, now!” It’s like so crazy .

Captain Brien: What’s one of the most memorable experiences you had in comedy coming up? You’ve been doing this how many years now?

Tommy Davidson: 35.

Captain Brien: 35 years. And mostly touring that whole time as well. If you take a movie break

Captain Brien: All the time. or something like that. But, 35 years of comedy.

Tommy Davidson: All that time.

Captain Brien: How did you start and what’s one of your most memorable experiences?

Tommy Davidson: I started in a strip club in D.C.

Captain Brien: Really? As a stripper?

Tommy Davidson: As a friend, no, as a stripper. I was with Chicken Dales.

Captain Brien: ‘Cause I would watch you.

Captain Brien: I’m just kidding.

Tommy Davidson: A friend of mine said you should be doing comedy. He worked at the club.

Captain Brien: Yeah.

Tommy Davidson: He called the manager and said, “I know a guy who’s funny.” I walked in, the guy said there’s the stage. And I looked at my friend. I said, “what do I do?” He said, “I don’t care, just get up there.” And, I haven’t stopped.

Captain Brien: Really?

Tommy Davidson: And all of a sudden, I’m in your car.

Captain Brien: Really?

Tommy Davidson: Yeah.

Captain Brien: ‘Cause the people tell me all the time, “Oh, such and such is funny.” And to me, I’m like “Oh, that’s good. “I’m happy they’re funny. “Put them on the open mic and let them do some comedy, “it’s not the same.” So, that person was really, they either believed in you so much at that minute, because I hear this all the time. “Oh this guy is so funny, you should meet him.” I’m like, “Is he a comedian?” “No, but he’s just hysterical.”

Tommy Davidson: He’s funny, yeah.

Captain Brien: That’s one in a million, dude.

Tommy Davidson: He was right about me.

Captain Brien: You’re one in a million. That just doesn’t happen.

Tommy Davidson: And I didn’t know. I’m an anomaly.

Captain Brien: You are.

Tommy Davidson: I’m an anomaly.

Captain Brien: I don’t want to repeat that.

Tommy Davidson: Yeah. I’m an anomaly.

Captain Brien: Oh, man, so.

Tommy Davidson: Get it? Break that down. Almond. Ahmanomy. Anyway.

Captain Brien: No, I can’t. So you stepped on the stage

Tommy Davidson: That’s going viral. and how did it go?

Tommy Davidson: I killed.

Captain Brien: You killed!

Captain Brien: Killed. Again, never happens.

Tommy Davidson: From the beginning, from the very beginning, killed.

Captain Brien: Did you have a joke set? Or did you just talk?

Tommy Davidson: Nah, I just kinda talked but it was kinda there.

Captain Brien: Yeah.

Tommy Davidson: And I just, from the first thing I said, they started laughing.

Captain Brien: Right away?

Tommy Davidson: Yeah. I wasn’t even old enough to be in the clubs, man. I just started killing from there from there, And went from there to New York.

Captain Brien: Did you ever bomb?

Tommy Davidson: I’ve bombed on stage. I’ve bombed off stage.

Captain Brien: Yeah .

Tommy Davidson: In life, but never bombed on stage.

Captain Brien: Wow, that’s amazing.

Tommy Davidson: Never bombed on stage.

Captain Brien: I think it’s the way you interact with the crowd, you read them. You read the audience as good as anybody’s ever done. And, I think that’s what the success is. What do you think?

Tommy Davidson: I think so. I’ll give you a good example. Off The Hook Comedy Club. Now as a comic, okay? As a comic my eyes like a quarterback’s.

Captain Brien: Sure.

Tommy Davidson: So, I’m reading the defense. The defense is the audience. It’s me versus their mind, to get into their mind something that’s humorous, that makes them laugh. So I have to look at who’s there, what’s there.

Captain Brien: Yep.

Tommy Davidson: And, go from there. I can’t just go, okay I’m going to do my act, you know that’s me. Everybody has their own individual thing. I can’t just do what I would do in New York or do in Brooklyn in an all black show. I can’t do what I’d do in Texas.

Captain Brien: Hey Josh! Hey Danny! What’s happening?

Tommy Davidson: What’s up, Joshua?

Captain Brien: We’re going to do breakfast with you, buddy. We’ll see you soon. So you’re reading the audience.

Tommy Davidson: Maybe, maybe Josh. Maybe. I know how to dial in.

Captain Brien: Yup.

Tommy Davidson: I’m like Tom Brady, man. Okay, I’ll send a tight-end this way. I’ll take this person outward this angle. I’ll try it, I’ll do this bit. So I have a catalog of plays that are here, and I can scramble.

Captain Brien: If you need to.

Tommy Davidson: I’m an excellent scrambler, too. And so, that’s how I bring shows together. That’s comedy technique from me. Everybody has their own approach, that’s mine.

Captain Brien: And how much writing do you do?

Tommy Davidson: I do writing for myself, by myself, and I do it here. It’s interesting. I don’t have a team of writers.

Captain Brien: And, you don’t write down literally on paper? I do, I do, I do.

Captain Brien: Oh you do, okay.

Tommy Davidson: I do write down on paper, but I gotta be working on a special or something. The rest is just in here, you know?

Captain Brien: And during the performance, how much is…

Tommy Davidson: ‘Cause of guys like Carlos Mencia around.

Captain Brien: Ad lib off the cuff? And how much is material that you’ve horned in and worked on that for a long time?

Tommy Davidson: It depends nightly.

Captain Brien: Yeah.

Tommy Davidson: It depends nightly.

Captain Brien: ‘Cause every show you do is different. Like, you always mix it up. Some guys go, like you said, they’ll tell their set and they’ll run with it the whole show. But yours is kinda crafted, I think along the way.

Tommy Davidson: Yeah, our kid wasn’t crafted off a pornographic disc from the Care Plus Kids. That was Chip Rock, circa 1991. Yeah, see?

Captain Brien: Yeah, I get it.

Tommy Davidson: Cancel the . So, that’s what happens with me. It’s something that I worked on for a long time. And, what I do is, I take all of the different comic techniques, and I blend them into one. And, I actually bit that from Bruce Lee.

Captain Brien: Oh.

Tommy Davidson: Yeah. So, Bruce Lee took all of the different fighting styles, all of the best of them, and then made his own style. Jeet Kune Do. So he took karate, judo, all of those, and then took the best out of them, and made a style.

Captain Brien: And that’s how you formulate your comedy show.

Tommy Davidson: That’s how I do my comedy.

Captain Brien: What’s one of the most memorable…

Tommy Davidson: No puppets.

Captain Brien: None.

Tommy Davidson: ‘Cause I’m just not good at that.

Captain Brien: Right . Least you’re not good at something.

Tommy Davidson: The guys who’re good at that, oh my God, are good at it.

Captain Brien: I’m happy you’re not good at one thing, ’cause it’s embarrassing. You’re in the car singing, dancing, talking, give another brother a chance.

Tommy Davidson: Yeah, yeah, no puppets.

Captain Brien: You gotta have a…

Tommy Davidson: The puppet dudes are off the hook.

Captain Brien: They are off the hook.

Tommy Davidson: I would’ve said that anyway. I would’ve said that anyway.

Captain Brien: Yeah, no, I get it.

Tommy Davidson: I would’ve said that anyway.

Captain Brien: It’s gone a long way with the name. It’s been good. It’s a double, uh,

Tommy Davidson: Watch out! No, I’m kidding.

Captain Brien: Let me ask you a question. In your career, what’s the one thing you’re most proud of that you’ve done.

Tommy Davidson: I’ve stayed as Tommy Davidson’s, Barbara Davidson’s youngest son.

Captain Brien: Okay.

Tommy Davidson: And that says,

Captain Brien: Along the way.

Tommy Davidson: That says a lot. That says a lot. That little boy.

Captain Brien: You’re the youngest of how many?

Tommy Davidson: I’m the youngest of three. And that little boy saw so much, and went through so much. And that family

Captain Brien: Because you’re…

Tommy Davidson: Went through so much. That for me to still be her son, to still be what she created in me.

Captain Brien: Because, people may not know the story. I don’t even know if I knew it before today. I think I’ve heard the story, but you were abandoned as a baby.

Tommy Davidson: Mmhmm.

Captain Brien: Was it? What happened? Is it a dumpster? What was it?

Tommy Davidson: No, it was a pile of trash on the side of a house. It was a random, kinda, finding of me. And, that, I’m sitting here now.

Captain Brien: Wow. Unbelievable.

Tommy Davidson: It really happened, it’s not something that I’ve talked about a lot. But, now I’m talking about it a lot.

Captain Brien: As a baby you were abandoned. Your mother who raised you is not your biological mother.

Tommy Davidson: No.

Captain Brien: She adopted you and she found you.

Tommy Davidson: Mmhmm.

Captain Brien: Unbelievable. Unprecedented.

Tommy Davidson: And, I had nothing to do with it.

Captain Brien: Nothing.

Tommy Davidson: Nothing to do with it.

Captain Brien: You were a baby, you were an infant.

Tommy Davidson: I had nothing to do with it.

Captain Brien: How old were you?

Tommy Davidson: They think I was almost two.

Captain Brien: Wow.

Tommy Davidson: Yeah.

Captain Brien: Wow.

Tommy Davidson: Yeah, somewhere around 18 months.

Captain Brien: And then, for her to raise you and, I mean, that’s just, she has an amazing heart.

Tommy Davidson: It’s a good story and it’s true. And, with all the bad stories that are out there, I’m glad to be able to represent a really good story.

Captain Brien: Right.

Tommy Davidson: Watch the news for one second, and you’ll know what I’m talking about.

Captain Brien: I agree.

Tommy Davidson: You’ll know what I’m talking about.

Captain Brien: What were the loopholes? How did she navigate the system to be able to adopt you? When you find a child today it doesn’t work like that.

Tommy Davidson: Well, she’s wicked smart.

Captain Brien: Okay.

Tommy Davidson: Always has been, so, she was able to finesse that back then, and make it work, thank God. I am definitely her greatest achievement. Her and my brother and my sister. Were her greatest achievements because she passed onto us the way she rolls. The way she rolls is, hey, man, everybody’s the same. Everybody deserves a decent shot at whatever. Don’t wait for the holidays to be happy, make it everyday.

Captain Brien: That’s how you live your life.

Tommy Davidson: That’s how she rolls.

Captain Brien: Every time I’m with you, you’re smiling. Every time I see you, you’re happy. It’s contagious. I mean, it really is. Which is obviously why you have a successful 35 year career in comedy.

Tommy Davidson: It helps.

Captain Brien: Or in anything, I mean. To be able to do something for that long, like, negative people with negative vibes, they don’t exist that long.

Tommy Davidson: Not from what I’ve seen.

Captain Brien: Yeah.

Tommy Davidson: Not from what I’ve seen, but, there’s two sides to the world.

Captain Brien: Of course.

Tommy Davidson: There’s the negative charged, and sometimes they go on forever.

Captain Brien: It’s shocking when that happens.

Tommy Davidson: Sometimes they go on forever, and sometimes you be like, “What am I doing? “What am I doing wrong?” You’re not doing anything wrong.

Captain Brien: But, your time will come if you stay positive.

Tommy Davidson: Yeah.

Captain Brien: Always.

Tommy Davidson: That time being right now.

Captain Brien: That’s right. And you could see him at Off the Hook comedy club all week. Tonight.

Tommy Davidson: Right now at this moment.

Captain Brien: Saturday and Sunday.

Tommy Davidson: Diane, how you doing, girl?

Captain Brien: Diane Lewis. Anthony.

Tommy Davidson: Anthony Angelini. Yeah, I got that right!

Captain Brien: Go see it. Of the Hook comedy dot com, get your tickets.

Tommy Davidson: I see you Lewis. Thank you for watching, bro.

Captain Brien: Tommy Davidson. We’ve been friends now for, how many years have we known each other?

Tommy Davidson: I’m gonna say 11 or 12.

Captain Brien: 11 or 12 years?

Tommy Davidson: Yeah, something like that.

Captain Brien: It’s been an honor to be your friend.

Tommy Davidson: Pre Fab Homes! Okay, but go ahead.

Captain Brien: I’ll tell you, it’s never a dull moment.

Tommy Davidson: Pre Fab Homes, man!

Captain Brien: Who’s more hyper in the morning, me or you? ‘Cause you told me to turn it down.

Tommy Davidson: I think we’re tied. Yeah, we’re fencing.

Captain Brien: You told me like, “Dude this is too much, hold on.”

Tommy Davidson: When he came to pick me up at the hotel he just flew into my focus, “Hi there!” “How’s it going, man? “Oh, I’m up! “Things are good! Hold on my kids! “Yeah, get in the Uber, get out of here!”

Captain Brien: Guys listen up. I got Tommy Davidson on the Captain’s Log. Don’t miss him at Off the Hook, and guess what, we appreciate you watching. Tune in every day. You can always like and share. But, more importantly, go to any app and rate us. If you like the show, give us a five-star. Even if you’re just rating Tommy, I’m sure he’s five-stars.

Tommy Davidson: You can rate me, you can rate me.

Captain Brien: And have a good time. We appreciate you watching. We’re gonna be live now on B 1 0 3 9, tune in. We out!